They Will Never Do That! … Or Will They?

Don’t ever say, “They will never do that”. Just by the fact that you made this statement you dramatically increase the chances that they will do the dirty deed. Somehow they know what we are thinking and they use our thought vibrations to formulate their future courses of action.

Want a few examples from the Airline Industry? ...

• They would never stop serving food on their flights.
• They would never charge for checking your baggage.
• They would never charge for carry-on baggage.

The last bullet point above was a set up. If you did not read the same article I read on April 19, 2010, you are unaware that one airline has started charging $45 for Carry-On Baggage. Other airlines are saying that they are not going to follow suit ... Or will they?

The $45 Charge for Carry-On Baggage Airline’s spokesman defends the new charge by saying that the airline is lowering their fares by about the same amount … Or will they?

This pricing head fake (after all, it is NBA Playoff Season) opens up a whole host of opportunities for increased revenue for our Struggling Airline Industry…

• Turnstiles at the head of the gangway that must be fed money before passengers are allowed to board their planes.
  o The airlines will defend this by telling us that we are not required to put money into the turnstiles but, if we don’t, we will have to wait for the next flight.
  o We will be told that on the later flight we will be allowed to jump over the turnstiles for free.
  o If we are not physically able to jump over the turnstiles, we will have to feed in the money. The airlines will say this payment is proper since it is not their fault that you can’t jump high.
• Green Gelatin Desserts sitting on each seat cushion when the boarding passengers arrive at their seats…
  o Passengers will be told by the flight attendants that there is a Green Gelatin Removal Fee that must be paid if they want the green stuff removed before they sit down.
  o It will be explained that they are perfectly free to not pay the fee and sit on their green seat softener which has been placed on their seats courtesy of the airline.
  o If they have a severe aversion to Green, a Blue Gelatin Dessert may be substituted but that will require a Color Substitution Surcharge.
• Wheel Chairs will require a very steep Handicap Inconvenience to the Airline Charge. If the passengers object, there is an alternative that the Airline has gone to great lengths to make available…
  o Passengers may lie on the floor and travelling companions will be allowed roll them to and from and through the terminal for a fee that will be significantly lower than the Handicap Inconvenience to the Airline Charge.
  o The charge for flight attendants to do the rolling will be out of sight and, frankly, the airline does not recommend this to anyone for fear that the passengers may come away from their flying experience with a bad taste in their mouths for the airline.
• Liquid refreshments will be free to passenger, within the following parameters…
  o There will be a Liquid Bottle Cap Removal Charge.
  o Hard Liquor will incur a higher Liquid Bottle Cap Removal Charge than will a Mountain Dew.

Did you really think I was going to finish this here Foolishness…OrIsIt? without bringing in our Once Beloved Federal Government? How silly of you. Talking about Foolishness without having the Federal Government getting involved is against Federal Law.

I did not make this up … It appears that six Senators are proposing legislation that would levy a tax on the airlines each time they charge a fee for Carry-On Baggage.

These guys are sharp! They know that any tax that they enact against any business is never passed on to their customers … Or is it?

Would I kid u?