Are You Wise? If You Are, Heed My Words. What Are My Words? Don’t Dare Go Driving Around Up There!

From the get-go of this Blog Posting I will admit, last month I was not wise because I was Silly. I actually drove around in the Northeast of the Good Ole USofA.

That begs this question, how do those that drive to and from work in the Northeast make it back home alive day after day? 

Said another way...

• I wonder how many times a year does a Northeastern Driver call into work and say, “I’m terribly sorry but I can’t come in today. I’m afraid to go out there”. 
• The office says, “What do you mean ‘out there’? What are you afraid of?” 
• The scaredy cat says, “Them!” 
• The office says, “Oh, I understand”.

Potholes…

I now believe that every pothole in the Good Ole USofA is in the Northeast. There is a lot of money to be made by a Smartfella who opens a series of Repair Shops named, Alignments "Я" Us. 

On the other hand, it may be that they are not bothered by potholes. They drive so fast that their tires do not sink into potholes. They just zip over them.

They All Hated Me...

It was quickly obvious to me why every other driver around me was mad at me. It was because I was only going 15 miles per hour over the posted speed limit. If you only drive 15 miles per hour over the posted speed limit, every other driver will blow his horn as he speeds past you, and he will glare at you as he goes by.

State Governments Actually Employ Horn Blowers to Blow Their Horns…

Allow me to explain... 

• These Horn Blowers are everywhere.
• I probably can’t prove they are everywhere but in my personal experience I can testify that there was always one of them behind me.
• The Departments of Transportation equip the Horn Blower’s cars with electronic devices mounted on their dashboards that constantly scan for drivers who dare to think while they drive.

Allow me to explain... 

• If you are a driver who comes up against a toll booth and for a slit second you get confused and don't know what to do, one of these horn blowing drivers is certain to be behind you and he is certain to angrily blow his angry horn at you because you dared to pause and think what you should do next. 
• The Rule of the Road up here is...When in Doubt, Smash the Accelerator!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: The mugging is so bad up there that the muggers are offering the mugged half of what they lost in the mugg, if the mugged will walk the mugger safely back home.

This Happens Every Day Before Your Very Eyes and You Are Paying It No Never Mind

I just watched a segment on TV about how a CEO was upset because his minions were not paying proper attention to him when he was speaking to them. 

Here’s what the CEO was upset about (in Bullet Point Format) …

 Recently the CEO was addressing his company’s top 326 executives.

 While he was speaking to them, he noticed that many of them were looking at their smartphones.

 Worst than looking at their smartphones, they were texting using their smartphones.

 He wondered what they were texting about.

 He pondered that their texting must be very important, or they would not have dared to be texting while he was talking to them because He Is Very Important and they are not.

Here is what he found out…

>You want to do lunch today?

>Did you see that linebacker drop that sure interception with 10 seconds left in the big game last night that would have been a sure pick six and would have won the game for the chipmunks?

>How do you spell CEO?

 He became very mad, and he ordered everyone who was looking at their smartphones while he was talking to be fired and ushered out of the auditorium by security.

 After those 312 former executives were removed, he was shocked to see there were only 14 executives left in his audience and 13 of them were sleeping while he was speaking and 1 had forgotten his smartphone at home.

I’m sorry I got so carried away with my Bullet Points that I lapsed into nonsense…Or am I? Or did I?

************

Now for the Everywhere Every Day Truth referred to in the subject of this Blog Posting.

This happens every day on every news show because of the Bottom of the Screen Scroll. Did you just draw a blank and say to yourself, “Self, what’s a Bottom of the Screen Scroll?” My Dear Readers, you see the Bottom of the Screen Scroll every day and you didn’t know what you are looking at. Allow me to explain (in Bullet Point Format) …

 How could it happen that all of the TV watchers in the Good Ole USofA had just been told that Toledo, Ohio’s Air Force had just dropped an Atomic Bomb on New York City and killed everyone in New York City but all of the TV watchers did not know that Toledo had just done what it just did?

 They did not know what Toledo just did because of the Bottom of the Screen Scroll.

(Oh, I forgot, you don’t know what the Bottom of the Screen Scroll is.)

 On all our news shows there is a continuous word scroll that gives us breaking news.

 It is an insult to the Very Intelligent and Experienced Expert who had been invited onto the news show to tell us what he knows about the very important subject he is an expert in.

 The scroll ensures that the TV watchers are unaware of whatever the Invited Expert is telling them because all of them are reading the Bottom of the Screen Scroll and not listening to the Invited Smart Expert.

 In this case the TV watchers were adsorbed by the Bottom of the Screen Scroll which was telling them that Brad Pitt just punched Leonardo DiCaprio in the mouth and broke a tooth in a Bowling Alley because Leonardo had laughed while Brad was about to throw his ball causing him to not make his spare which would have allowed him to break 100.  

My Dear Readers, the above Foolishness is Fella’s way of telling you that he thinks it is Silly to Invite a World Renowned Expert to come on your news show to tell you what he knows and then Scroll Other Important or Unimportant Information to make sure the watcher of your news show is paying little or no attention to what your Invited World Renowned Expert has to say.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Can We All Get Along?

In 1992 Rodney King asked, Can We All Get Along? Wherever he was when he asked the question there was Rodney King Rioting in “progress” outside of where he was.

Fella was on the fourth floor of a square office building where he was pursuing his mediocre automotive career. We had a panoramic view of all four points of the compass. When looking out of three of the sides of our building we could see smoke rising from the rioting that was going on in support of Rodney.

It was obvious that we were not all getting along.

Neither is our Congress getting along at this time in our storied history. Our 24-Hour News Cycle (isn’t it awful?) will often tell us that the Hatred in our Congress today has never been worse. Do you think that’s true? This Blog Posting takes no solace in saying that there was at least one time when Congressional Hatred was worse than it is today.

************

Excerpted from Bill O’Reilly’s book entitled, Confronting Evil: Assessing the Worst of the Worst…

Congressman John Quincy Adams is in a rage.

The former President of the United States stands before Congress, slamming his wooden cane against the lectern.

It is the summer of 1842. The House of Representatives is bitterly divided between abolitionists and pro-slavery factions. Two dozen police officers guard the chamber. Most of the legislators are armed with pistols. Some members, like Maine Representative Jonathan Cilley, have been victims of violence.

Adams’s health is failing. The seventy-seven-year-old is bald with dark eyes; prominent gray sideburns line his face. Two decades after being elected president, Adams now represents Massachusetts in Congress. He is thoughtful, disciplined, but above all else, detests slavery.

Adams surveys the chamber with suspicion.

The House has 233 members—all of them White men. Of these men, 112 are Democrats from the South. Half own slaves. Three years earlier, their coalition passed a so-called Gag Rule banning all discussion about the emancipation of Black Americans.

However, John Quincy Adams will not be silent. He believes owning human beings is a violation of God’s law. His father, President John Adams, wanted the institution eliminated in the original drafts of the Constitution. Thomas Jefferson, fearing an open revolt from the southern states, rejected that idea.

Now, Adams is determined to right that wrong.

On the other side of the US Capitol, his nemesis waits quietly in the empty Senate Chamber. The man from South Carolina is a proud White supremacist. He is also Adams’s former vice president.

His name is John C. Calhoun.

The southerner is nervous.

Senator Calhoun waits for news from the House of Representatives. For the first time in two years, his former boss, John Quincy Adams, will violate the Gag Order and introduce another petition to abolish slavery. This cannot happen.

Inside his Capitol Hill office, the sixty-two-year-old Calhoun inhales from a wooden pipe while reclining in his leather chair. Though the temperature inside the room exceeds eighty degrees, the senator wears a heavy dark suit, a woolen waistcoat, and a gray cravat tied around his neck. His wavy black hair runs down to his shoulders. At the same time, hundreds of miles away, Calhoun’s fifty slaves work under the harsh South Carolina sun harvesting corn, wheat, cotton, and rice.

But even worse, his captives are abused. They are publicly flogged, beaten, and sometimes imprisoned in metal cages. Those who try to escape have one foot removed with an axe. The bloody stump is sealed with a smoldering poker to prevent fatal blood loss or future infection. Repeat offenders are hanged on the senator’s orders.

After three decades in politics, John Calhoun is now the most powerful Democrat in Washington. For the last week, he has given blunt instructions to the southern representatives: John Quincy Adams must be defeated.

The House of Representatives falls silent.

The ailing Adams defiantly stands in the center of the room. Though diminished physically, he summons a great breath and issues a defiant cry: “Am I gagged?” The chamber erupts into chaos. The northerners stand, screaming their support, while the southerners on the other side of the hall throw debris into the air.

Adams raises his fist. The room falls silent.

In his opposite hand, he holds a leather-bound notebook containing ten thousand signatures. It is the largest anti-slavery petition in the history of the United States. Again, Adams asks, “Am I gagged?”

Fistfights break out between the politicians. Congressman Henry Wise of Virginia attacks opponents with a metal cane. A pistol is displayed. Edward Black, a member from Georgia, threatens to lynch fellow lawmakers. The cacophony echoes down the halls of Congress.

On the Senate side of the Capitol, John Calhoun smiles.

************

Do you feel better now that you know that our 24-hour nightly news cycle is wrong when it tells us that the members of our Congress hate each other more now than they hated each other in the past?

Actually, both hate periods make Fella nervous about the long-term survival of our Country.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Einstein and Fella

 

The NYPD confirmed that this guy I wish to talk about had a long rap sheet of over 30 prior arrests for bank robberies. However, upon appearing in front of this judge I wish to talk about, he was allowed back on the streets on supervised release.

 

Does anyone, including this judge I wish to talk about, know what Supervised Release means? Are you ready for a Fella Calculated Wild Guess? Fella thinks that the supervised released person can go anywhere he wants but he is always followed by a following person with a clip board to record everything he does including bank robberies he chooses to do.

 

Fella contends thinking that releasing someone who has demonstrated a proclivity to do the same illegal thing over 30 times and expecting he won’t do it again is Silly Thinking, especially if he suffers no meaningful bad consequences for doing the same illegal thing over 30 times.

 

I know Fella fairly well and I dare say he would think over 20 times is a good indication of future robberies and the same could be said of over 10 robberies and over 5 robberies and over 2 robberies.

 

There is no evidence that Einstein ever said, “The Definition of Insanity Is Doing the Same Thing Over and Over Again and Expecting Different Results”. However, Fella would speculate that Einstein would probably think this judge I am talking about is Insane.

************

Let us hear from our Judicial System. Here is an actual quotation by a court spokesman…

"It is important to note, however, that the vast majority of bail decisions turn on the court’s discretionary weighing of a broad range of factors in order to make an individualized assessment of the defendant’s risk of flight to avoid prosecution. That assessment involves due consideration of information and arguments presented by the prosecutor and defense counsel, as well as other materials submitted to the court."

 

My Dear Readers, this is Judicial Double Talk. This is an answer given by someone who believes that an answer to a question need only be words spoken in the direction of the questioner and it needs not make any sense.

 

Fella made up question and answer…Or are they made up?

Question: Why was the robber released after he had already committed 30 robberies?

Answer: He was released because he said he was not sorry he had robbed 30 banks, and he also said he was not going to give back any of the money he stole. 

 

Would I kid u? 

Smartfella 

 

Ligniappe: Going back to the Court Spokesman’s Quotation…”defendant’s risk of flight to avoid prosecution”. Fella concurs that there is no Risk of Flight but that’s because there is No Fear of Prosecution.

We Hold These Truths to Be Self Evident

We Hold These Truths to Be Self Evident...

• That it is impossible for Democrats and Republicans to like each other...Or is it?
• That it is impossible for Democrats and Republicans to put aside their differences and cooperate with each other for the good of the country...Or is it?
• That it is impossible for Democrats and Republicans to tell jokes about each other and not be offended...Or is it?

Finally, here is the most certain never did happen and will never ever happen of happenings...

The President Is a Republican and The Speaker of The House Is a Democrat and the Two of Them Will Actually Be Friends After Working Hours

Click here and be ready to be amazed...

https://www.bing.com/videos/riverview/relatedvideo?q=President+Reagan%27s+Unlikely+Friendship+with+Speaker+Tip+O%27+Neill&refig=68c7669b4cd1428fbc9f82a4ea28c0bd&pc=W099&ru=%2fsearch%3fq%3dPresident%2bReagan%2527s%2bUnlikely%2bFriendship%2bwith%2bSpeaker%2bTip%2bO%2527%2bNeill%26form%3dANNNB1%26refig%3d68c7669b4cd1428fbc9f82a4ea28c0bd%26pc%3dW099&mmscn=vwrc&mid=D77A98DE09C466DBBF0CD77A98DE09C466DBBF0C&FORM=WRVORC&ntb=1&msockid=6b3c07b691d011f0b725f4ee36d6aabe.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Stuff You May Have Forgotten

Here are some memories from The Adventures of Ozzie & Harriet Days

(I give you a Fella Permission to Google, “The Adventures of Ozzie & Harriet”)

Do you know what time the movie starts? No, I don’t, and I don’t care what time it starts.

• Today people who go to movies think you must be there at the time the movie is scheduled to start.
• If they get messed up and realize they can’t be there for the Start of the Movie, it’s a no-brainer that they must wait for a night when they can be there for the Start of the Movie.
• This was not the case in the old days.
• We went to the movies when we went to the movies.
• I’m not sure if the movie theatres even bothered to publish the Starting Times of the movies.
• I am sure that, if they did publish the Starting Times, we did not bother to look up the Starting Times because the Starting Times were not important to us.
• We just went, bought our nickel bag of fresh hot popcorn and sat down.
• This means this was sure to happen all around us as we watched our movie…People all around us who realized that this is where they had come in would say to each other, “This is where we came in” and they would get up and leave because this was where they had come in.

If I close my eyes and concentrate just a little bit, I can still hear the jingling.

• Remember coins?
• Back when I was growing up there were lots of coins in church.
• The coins made their presence known at collection time as they started jingling all over the church.
• When the jingling started, we knew it was time to offer up our offering.
• Those that were sleeping were jingled awake by the sound of the jingling and frantically started reaching into their pockets to get their coins (to prevent them from going to hell).
• Nowadays we use checks which don’t jingle.
• Later in life I passed the collection basket and used to chuckle at the those who were afraid to be seen not contributing anything so when the basket came by they would hold a closed hand over the basket and dip their hand down a bit into the basket and open their hand and drop nothing into the basket (these people were sure as hell going to hell).
• Today there is no jingling noise nor is there concern that people will see you put nothing into the basket because of Online Giving.
• People who give nothing just smugly sit there with an I Give Online look on their often-lying faces.

What are those handrails for?

• Do you remember when you used to climb stairs 2 and 3 at a time?
• As you shot up those steps, do you remember noticing out of the corner of your eye those handrails on either side of you?
• Do you remember asking yourself, “I wonder what those things are for?”
• Now you know that they are for grabbing a hold of and pulling your aging body slowly up those same stairs you used to shoot up.
• They could be called grunt rails because each pull up is accompanied by a grunt. (Yea man, I got carried away with this last bullet…Or did I?)

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Do You Know What “Banker’s Hours” Means? Do You Know Who Willie the Actor Sutton Was?

As the Professional Blogger that I am I know My Dear Readers (that’s you) fall into two categories on this one…

• You are so young you don’t know what the heck I am talking about when I peck out “Banker’s Hours”.
• You are so old (like me) that you once knew what “Banker’s Hours” meant but you have forgotten what “Banker’s Hours” (and a lot of other stuff) means.

Banker’s Hours goes back to a time when banks were housed in Large Stone Block Buildings. This was done to convey to their customers that their money was being kept in a Large Well-Built Secure Building. Almost as importantly, it was done so people who did not have any money in the bank would want to put their money in the bank when they got some money to put in a bank because it was a Large Well-Built Secure Building.

Then things started to change. Banks started popping up in once vacant lots housed in trailers with the wheels removed and offering toasters as a reward for putting your money in their flimsy bank. The wheels had been removed to convey stability to present and future bank customers. Customers looked at the Banking Trailer with the Wheels Removed and said to themselves, “Well, that’s not as confidence building as a Large Stone Block Building but the absence of wheels does fill me with confidence that my life-long savings will be safe in there and everyone needs an extra toaster because next time someone I know gets married I have a toaster to give to him/her”.

------------

Back in the old days described above, banks were only open from 9am to 2pm. Did you just say, “What! Why did they only open 5 hours a day? That’s crazy!” The Banking Industry had very good reasons for their Short Workday…

·   They had lots of administrative chores they needed to get done before they could go home.

·   Banker people today have lots of Apps to help them get through the day. In the old days there were no Apps, so they needed to get started on all the things that Apps would have done for them if there had been Apps. I can almost hear them mumbling to themselves, “I wish I had an App for this!”

·   Since they only worked 5 hours there was not enough time to sharpen their pencils, so they sharpened their pencils for the next workday before they went home. They could not put pencil sharpening off till the next morning because they had to get coffee before they started working the next morning.

·   They had to pick up all the coins that they had dropped on the floor each day.

·   A short workday offered less hours of bank robbing opportunity for bank robbers to rob banks.

Bank Robbing used to be Big Business. Stop and think about it. How many famous modern day bank robbers can you name? Hardly any right? Back in the old days bank robbing was a popular way to make a living…

• John Dillinger (Vicious Bank Robber)
• Baby Face Nelson (Notorious Criminal with a Small Face)
• Pretty Boy Floyd (Notorious Criminal with a Pretty Face)
• Machine Gun Kelly (Flamboyant Criminal)
• Jesse James (Civil War Bandit)
• Sundance Kid (Harry Longabaugh)
• Butch Cassidy…Butch Cassidy's first criminal offense was minor. Around 1880 he journeyed to a clothier shop in another town but found it closed. He broke into the shop and stole a pair of jeans and some pie, leaving an IOU promising to pay on his next visit. 
• Willie the Actor Sutton

************

Willie the Actor Sutton (years ago I read Willie’s autobiography) was a very interesting Bank Robber and most of the rest of this Blog Posting will be Copy & Paste from what others and him have written about him.

You might think this Blog is getting too long but actually you ought to thank me because I have shortened it quite q bit.

Willie Sutton

From Wikipedia

• William Francis Sutton Jr. was an American bank robber. 
• During his forty-year robbery career he stole an estimated $2 million.
• He spent more than half of his adult life in prison.
• He escaped from prison three times.
• For his talent at executing robberies in disguises, he gained two nicknames, "Willie the Actor" and "Slick Willie".

Early life

• He was born in Irishtown, Brooklyn.
• He did not attend school after the 8th grade.

Career In Crime

• He became a criminal at an early age.
• He was an accomplished bank robber.
• Throughout his long professional criminal career, he did not kill anyone.
• He dispensed mounds of legal advice to any convict willing to listen.
• Inmates considered him a "wise old head".
• When incarcerated at "The Tombs" (Manhattan House of Detention) he did not have to worry about assault because Mafia friends protected him.
• Gangsters and many incarcerated organized crime inmates, enjoyed having him for companionship.
• He was witty and non-violent.
• He usually carried a pistol or a Thompson submachine gun.
• He once observed, "You can't rob a bank on charm and personality".
• In an interview in the Reader's Digest, he was asked if the guns that he used in his robberies were loaded. He responded that he never carried a loaded gun because somebody might get hurt.
• He stole from the rich and kept it.
• He was captured and recommitted in June 1931, charged with assault and robbery.
• He failed to complete his 30-year sentence, however, escaping on December 11, 1932, using a smuggled gun and holding a prison guard hostage.
• With the guard as leverage, Sutton acquired a 45-ft ladder to scale the 30-ft wall of the prison grounds.
• On February 15, 1933, Sutton attempted to rob the Corn Exchange Bank and Trust Company in Philadelphia.
• He came in disguised as a postman, but an alert passerby foiled the crime but he escaped.
• On January 15, 1934, he and two companions broke into the same bank through a skylight.
• He conducted a Broadway jewelry store robbery in broad daylight, impersonating a postal telegraph messenger.
• His other disguises included a police officer, messenger and maintenance man.
• He was apprehended on February 5, 1934, and was sentenced to serve 25 to 50 years in the Eastern State Penitentiary in Philadelphia for the machine gun robbery of the Corn Exchange Bank.
• On April 3, 1945, he was one of 12 convicts who escaped the institution through a tunnel.
• The convicts broke through to the other side during daylight hours and were spotted immediately by a passing police patrol.
• The 12 men were forced to quickly flee the scene, with all being quickly apprehended.
• He was recaptured the same day by a Philadelphia police officer.
• Sentenced to life imprisonment as a fourth time offender, Sutton was transferred to the Philadelphia County Prison in Pennsylvania.
• On February 10, 1947, he and other prisoners dressed as prison guards carried two ladders across the prison yard to the wall after dark.
• When the prison's searchlights hit him, Sutton yelled, "It's all right” and no one stopped him.
• During February 1952, Sutton was captured by police after having been recognized on a subway and followed by Arnold Schuster, a 24-year-old Brooklyn clothing salesman and amateur detective.
• Schuster later appeared on television and described how he had assisted in Sutton's apprehension. 
• Albert Anastasia, Mafia boss of the Gambino crime family, disliked Schuster because he was a "rat" and a "squealer." 
• Anastasia ordered the murder of Schuster, who was then shot dead outside his home.
• Judge Peter T. Farrell presided over a 1952 trial in which Sutton was convicted of the 1950 robbery of $63,942 (equal to $835,668 presently) from a bank of the Manufacturers Trust Company in Queens.
• He received a sentence of 30 to 120 years in Attica State Prison.
• While in prison, he wrote "I, Willie Sutton", a book about his life and career.
• In December of 1969, Judge Farrell ruled that Sutton's good behavior, along with his deteriorating health, justified commuting his sentence to time served.
• At the hearing he responded, "Thank you, your Honor. God bless you," and wept as he was led out of the court building.
• In 1976, he published his second book, “Where the Money Was”.
• After his release, Sutton delivered lectures on prison reform and consulted with banks on theft-deterrent techniques.
• He made a television commercial for New Britain Bank and Trust Company in Connecticut for their credit card with picture identification on it.
• His lines were, "They call it the face card. Now when I say I'm Willie Sutton, people believe me”.

"Sutton's Law"

A famous apocryphal story is that Sutton was asked by a reporter why he robbed banks. According to the reporter, he replied, "Because that's where the money is". The quote evolved into Sutton's law, which is often invoked to medical students as a metaphor for emphasizing the most likely diagnosis, rather than wasting time and money investigating every conceivable possibility.

In his autobiography, Sutton denied originating the pithy rejoinder…

“The irony of using a bank robber's maxim as an instrument for teaching medicine is compounded, I will now confess, by the fact that I never said it. The credit belongs to some enterprising reporter who apparently felt a need to fill out his copy. I can't even remember where I first read it. It just seemed to appear one day, and then it was everywhere. If anybody had asked me, I'd have probably said it. That's what almost anybody would say ... it couldn't be more obvious.”

However, he also said:

"Why did I rob banks? Because I enjoyed it. I loved it. I was more alive when I was inside a bank, robbing it, than at any other time in my life. I enjoyed everything about it so much that one or two weeks later I'd be out looking for the next job. But to me the money was the chips, that's all".

Would you have loved to buy him a beer just listen to him tell stories. I know I would.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: At the top of this Foolishness, I said I was a Professional Blogger. Are not Professionals supposed to get paid? Why don't I get money for my Blog? I don't. Not only do I not get paid but I am reduced to giving away copies of my Little Read Book. Oh well, that's what I get for Self-Publishing my book. Once you run out of relatives and friends your sales dry up. If I had known I needed more friends to buy my book, I would have been nicer to people. 

If you feel sorry for me, go to Amazon and BUY A COPY or two. Or wait me out and I will probably give you a copy or two.

Walmart Hiring Practices

 

On my latest visit to my local Walmart, I started noticing something Strange and Unsettling. Since I am The Noticer, I had to verify my suspicions. Right in the store I found out that my suspicions were true.

I stopped in aisle 3 and took out my phone and called Walmart Headquarters. It was easy…

• Walmart Person: This is Walmart Headquarter. How may I direct your call?
• Fella Person: I would like to speak to the person who hires people to go to work at Walmart.
• Walmart Person: That is me. I do the hiring for Walmart.
• Fella Person: Where do I go to apply for a job at Walmart?
• Walmart Person: You do not go anywhere. I can hire you right now over the phone. The process is quick and easy.
• Fella Person: This is great. Hire me!
• Walmart Person: Ha! It’s not that easy but it is quick. You must answer a couple of questions. Are you ready?
• Fella Person: I am ready! Wow, this is great!
• Walmart Person: Do you have any tattoos?
• Fella Person: No, I do not have any tattoos.
• Walmart Person: We cannot use you!
• Fella Person: Woe! Do not hang up! I really want to be part of Walmart. What if I went out and got a tattoo today?
• Walmart Person: Then we could hire you except for that fact that I already know the answer to our second Walmart Hiring Practices Question.
• Fella Person: Really?! What is that question you already know the answer to without asking me the question. I demand to know the second question!
• Walmart Person: OK, I will ask you the second question that I already know the answer to. The question is, “Do you speak and understand English?” I know the answer to that question because you have been speaking English ever since I picked up your call.
• Fella Person: I do not understand.
• Walmart Person: Do you go through life having to be spoon fed everything? I will speak slowly…You Cannot Work for Walmart If You Speak and Understand English and/or if you do not have a tattoo! You got that? It just dawned on me that the first question ought to be the second question. Once I see that the applicant can speak and understand English, I could save a lot of time and just hang up the phone without bothering to ask the Tattoo Question…Click!

“Click!” means he hung up the phone.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella