Lying Is Bad...Or is it?

This Blog Posting won’t take long...

Ø Perjury and lying to the federal government are both crimes that could land a person in some serious legal trouble.

Ø If convicted of either crime, a person could be sentenced to up to five years in prison.

Ø This means that if a person is found to have lied during a congressional hearing or investigation, or simply lied to an FBI or other federal agent, actual jail time could result.

That having been said, Fella has this to say...

Why Is Lying To Congress A Crime but Lying While Serving In Congress Not A Crime?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

You Need Some Inspiration? Go For It But It Ain’t Easy.

 

Did you just say to yourself, “Self, I think I need a pick me up! I’m going to go to my local Big Box Big Store and buy an Inspirational Book about Inspiring Stuff”.

Actually, I did not say this to myself but I did stumble across my Big Box Big Store’s Hidden Supply of Inspirational Books by accident as I was looking for the Rest Room and this Blog Posting will give you a heads-up if you decide you need to be inspired...

(You might have to click the link twice.)

If you are looking for my Big Box Big Store’s display of Inspirational Sex Books, you will be able to find them along the Store’s Center Aisle. You can’t miss the display. It’s the one with the Flashing Red Lights with the two associates (formally known as employees) giving out Cheese Dip Covered Crackers.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

If You Invent Something That Will Save 100’s of Thousands Of Lives, the World Will Love and Admire You

With Reference to the Title Of This Blog Posting, Fella says to you, “Don’t count on it”.

You say to Fella, “Well, at least, you will be rich”.

Fella says to you, “Don’t count on it”.

If someone today uses the word “Polio” that someone is likely to hear the response, “What is that?”

Polio is an illness caused by a virus that mainly affects nerves in the spinal cord or brain stem. In its most severe form, polio can lead to a person being unable to move certain limbs, also called paralysis. It can also lead to trouble breathing and sometimes death.

Dr. Jonas Salk invented the first vaccine that was effective to treat and prevent Polio...

Ø Polio affected over 15,000 Americans per year at its peak in the 1950s.

Ø Less than a decade after the vaccine was declared safe and effective, the number of polio cases in the United States had dropped to under 1,000. 

Ø Dr. Salk's valuable work did provide him with some comfortable monetary compensation.

Ø He was worth an estimated $3 million at the time of his death in 1995.

Ø However, none of his wealth came from his most famous discovery.

Ø Dr. Salk chose never to patent his polio vaccine because he believed the lifesaving vaccine should be widely distributed to everyone, so he wanted to ensure the vaccine was freely available for anyone to receive.

Ø As a result, Salk made no profit from his most famous scientific discovery.

Ø His net worth likely would have been much higher, had he chosen to patent the polio vaccine.

Ø According to calculations made by Forbes, Dr. Salk sacrificed the opportunity to become around $7 billion richer, had he chosen to patent his work.

Ø By the time he died, at the age of 80, over 30 million children had received the polio vaccine, and the disease had been all but eradicated as a childhood illness in the United States.

Ø The New York Times wrote, "Salk is profoundly disturbed by the torrent of fame that has descended upon him. ... He talks continually about getting out of the limelight and back to his laboratory ... because of his genuine distaste for publicity, which he believes is inappropriate for a scientist."

Ø He enjoys talking to people he likes, and "he likes a lot of people", wrote the Times. "He talks quickly, articulately, and often in complete paragraphs."

Ø "He has very little perceptible interest in the things that interest most people—such as making money."

^Ø   He said, “That belongs in the category of mink coats and Cadillacs—unnecessary".

^Ø   The day after his graduation from medical school in 1939, Salk married Donna Lindsay, a master's candidate at the New York College of Social Work.

^Ø   Donna's father, Elmer Lindsay, "a wealthy Manhattan dentist, viewed Salk as a social inferior, several cuts below Donna's former suitors."

Eventually, her father agreed to the marriage on two conditions: first, Salk must wait until he could be listed as an official M.D. on the wedding invitations, and second, he must improve his "rather pedestrian status" by giving himself a middle name.

************

You would think that the man who developed the vaccine for polio would be celebrated and showered with awards. In reality, Dr. Salk, who did become a celebrity of sorts, was disliked by his peers and was even denied a Nobel Prize...

Ø Even before the polio vaccine was approved, other scientists questioned Dr. Salk's abilities.

Ø The scientist Dr. Albert Sabin, who created an oral polio vaccine, admitted that Dr. Salk's discovery was groundbreaking, before tearing into Dr. Salk's findings and methods.

Ø Many researchers felt Dr. Salk's constant appearances on radio and TV talking about his vaccine was a sign of a glory hound...

Remember above one of my Bullet Points made the Point about his being a “Glory Hound”, “Dr. Salk chose never to patent his polio vaccine because he believed the lifesaving vaccine should be widely distributed to everyone, so he wanted to ensure the vaccine was freely available for anyone to receive.

Ø Scientists began to mockingly call the vaccine the “Salk Vaccine”, attaching his name to it in case it failed.

Ø Dr. Sabin claimed Dr. Salk's version of the vaccine wouldn't confer long-term immunity.

Ø Some gossip mongers would later say the trial was dangerous and the vaccine could potentially kill its subjects.

Ø There were reports of patients developing paralytic polio during the trials caused by improperly prepared shots.

Ø Despite developing the first polio vaccine and becoming a celebrity, Dr. Salk was never honored for his discovery.

Ø He was denied entry into the National Academy of Sciences, of which Dr. Sabin became a member.

Ø Dr. Sabin later called Dr. Salk's vaccine as "kitchen work."

Ø Wanting to further work on biology and society, Dr. Salk established the Salk Institute for Biological Studies in San Diego, but even in his own institution, Dr. Salk was marginalized.

Ø The book Jonas Salk: A Life discussed how he was never again taken seriously as a scientist, even as he researched cures for AIDS and multiple sclerosis.

Ø He eventually saw his lab taken from him, and he was given a largely symbolic role in the organization bearing his name and he was paraded around for fund-raising purposes.

Dr. Salk died in 1995 from heart failure, before his vaccine would once again be celebrated.

************

Yea, this is more than you wanted to read about Jonas Salk but you are smarter for having read it...Or are u?

Ok, I’ll sum it up for you. If you come up with a great invention that is going to benefit all of mankind, save countless lives and you think it will make you rich beyond your wildest dreams...

Unless the Ilk of which you are is of the Jonas Salk Ilk.

Yes, I love using the word “Ilk” and, yes, I went out of my way to use it in this case.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Running Into The Street Screaming

 

I am spending too much of my life on the phone...On Hold...Waiting For Online Help!

These “helpful” people are paid to help me, are they not? I know what they are doing instead of picking up their end of the phone and helping me. They are sitting around drinking their Fruity Drinks With Little Umbrellas In Them that’s what they are doing!

I used to believe they wanted to help me because they went to all the trouble to make a recording that tells me over and over that my call is important to them.

What I don't understand is, if the above paragraph is true, why do they play such Awful Music Awfully Loud at me while I patiently wait?

I have been persecuted by this assault on my hearing and sanity for a long time now but I was not prompted to blog about it until recently when I started noticing a significant number of people running out of their houses screaming things like... "I can't take it any longer" and/or "Why are they doing this to me?!" and/or "AAUGH!".

I assigned the responsibility of finding out why these people are acting this way to one of my best Investigative Investigators and it was not long before I had the answer when he reported back to me...

"Sir, the reason the Awful Music is played Awfully Loud is that they are hoping you will hang up the phone and run out into the street screaming things like... "I can't take it any longer" and/or "Why are they doing this to me?!" and/or " AAUGH!".

If you do hang up, then they can keep sipping their Fruity Umbrella Drinks.

Also, their assigned quota is only 2 calls handled per day and, since a hang-up call is counted as a call completion, they have probably already reached their assigned quotas within 12 minutes of starting their “work” day, therefore, they have no vested interest in actually taking your call."

I make my Investigative Investigators address me as "Sir" because I pay them well and they are afraid of me because they need the job since the Major News Networks got rid of all their Investigative Investigators and started reporting everything and anything no matter how stupid, silly or untrue the everything and anything is.  

************

The Help Lines have a Plan B that takes effect if their computers have determined that you are never going to hang up...

Ø They will switch you to a Higher Level of Support at least 3 times.

Ø Each switch will ask you the same questions as the last person you talked to.

Ø A partial list of questions includes: Name?, Address?, Phone Number?, Date of Birth?, Last 4 Digits of Your Social Security Number?, What’s your favorite color?, If you had had a choice of when you would have been born, what other date would you have chosen?

Ø Answers to many of these questions you have already given to the computer before the representation that you can’t understand (because of his/her strong accent) came on the phone.

Ø Strangely enough, many times the switched-to representatives will throw in a question or two that prior representatives have not asked you.

After you have been switched 3 times, the line will go dead and you will have to call back and start all over again.

************

If you get exasperated and you ask for a Supervisor (who just so happens to be the representative in the next La-Z-Boy sipping chair), you will be put on hold...

Ø Even if you don’t get exasperated, there are many different reasons why you will be put on-hold several times.

Ø If you ask for clarification of something you are certain to be put on hold.

Ø I don't think there is any chance that you will not be put on hold because remember they are sitting around drinking Fruity Drinks With Little Umbrellas In Them and they have to go get refills.

Fella Warning...Remember to look both ways before you run out in the middle of your street screaming.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: I keep a list of blog ideas in a folder that might become Blog Postings someday, if I ever get around to finishing them. At present there are 251 of these might-be-blogs in this folder. The above Blog Posting went into this Holding File 7 years ago. (If you are thinking to yourself that you did not need to read this Lagniappe, go back up to the word “Lagniappe:” and don’t bother to read what you just read).

So, I Said To Him, “Inflation Does Exist”. He Said To Me, “Prove It”. I Said To Him, “OK, I’ll BlogProve It”.

Everybody talks about the weather but no one does anything about it and the same holds true for Inflation.

Part of the problem is Inflation in usually slow. It creeps but we get raises so we don’t notice it. Or we do notice it but pay it no never mind because we get raises so we don’t worry about it.

************

I’m From New Orleans And Being From New Orleans I Enjoyed Coffee And Beignets (Donuts) Often Because They Were Wonderful To Eat And Because They Were Cheap. It Was Not That Inflation Had Not Been Invented Yet It Was That It Had Not Been Perfected Yet...

Ø In my High School years, to impress girls and trick them into thinking I was a Big Spender, I would take them to get Coffee and Donuts (Beignets)...We called them “donuts”.

Ø A cup of coffee and 3 powdered sugar donuts cost 25 cents.

Ø One was 10 cents and the other was 15 cents and I’m not sure which was which.

Today Inflation Raised Its Ugly Head And Slapped Me Across My Wallet...

Ø I gave the unpleasant checkout lady a $5 Bill.

Ø She unpleasantly gave it back and unpleasantly said, “6 dollars and 92 cents”.

Ø  I sheepishly gave her a credit card (I use a credit card for big time purchases).

The Good News...

Ø The donuts were great.

Ø They were not smaller than they used to be (like so many other things today).

Ø They were absolutely covered with powdered sugar.

Ø The big donuts almost were completely hidden by the powdered sugar.

One Uneaten Donut and Some Of It’s Accompanied Powdered Sugar

The Bad News...

Ø The coffee was tasteless.

Ø Next time you are about to order your coffee and donuts remember what I am about to tell you...Don’t order the coffee and save yourself $3.21.

Ø The donuts had no vitamins in them.

Ø Of course, we all know that in regular unbeigneted donuts the vitamins are contained in the donut hole but these donuts do not have any holes, therefore, there is no place to put the vitamins.

I just know, on days like today, you are very happy you are a reader of my Foolishness...Or Are You?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Be Glad You Don’t Need The Money

 I had to call the Social Security Administration today...

If you need to contact the Social Security Administration, but you don’t need the money, Furgedaboutit because it ain’t worth it!

Calling the SSA is a mind-boggling exercise in You Won’t Believe. Here are 3 examples of what I mean from today’s call...

• The Hello Computer Recording will say things like this to you...If you are calling about a Disability Claim, you should understand that, because of COVID-19, Disability Claims take 200 to 230 Days To Process.
• The Hello Computer Recording will say things like this to you...If you do not want to remain on hold, we will call you back. At present the Hold Time is More Than 360 Minutes, because of COVID-19. (For those of you who do not have 360 fingers or a calculator, that’s 6 Hours Plus.)
• If you decide to remain on hold, you are in for a horrible listening experience because you will be subjected to Horrible Music. (Actually, if you had to listen to Beethoven’s Ode To Joy for 360 minutes Plus, you would learn to hate Beethoven also.)

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: Considering how many numbers there are above 360 (da Plus part), they may never call you back. If you decided to complain, their Complain Department Manager will smugly say to you, “It has only been 17 days since we committed to call you back within 360 minutes Plus, therefore, we are still within the Federal Plus Parameter, ergo, we are in compliance with Established Federal Persecution Guidelines”.

Lagniappe Another: If you call about your Disability Claim after you have waited for 231 days, be prepared to hear this, "What Disability Claim? We lost it, because of COVID-19. You will have to resubmit and you should understand, because of COVID-19, the processing time is now 276 days, because of COVID-19".

There Once Was A TV Show Named “Eight Is Enough” But Now We Find Out That $1.1 Million Is Not Enough

 

I don’t know about you but about me I think that the above house is not much of a $1,100,000 house because it is not that big, it is not on a 3 acre lot, it is not next to a flowing stream, it does not have a horse stable next to the stream with several beautiful horses in it ready to take family members for a ride.

Instead, it is crammed into a small subdivision on a small lot with a lot of other small lots and there are no horses nor horse stables to be seen. Actually, the lot is so small it probably does not have room for a pony or even a moped.

Fella got so curious about these houses that he put on his Potted Plant Outfit, Googled to find out the name and address of one of the future residents and he when over to see what he could find out about these home buyers and what he found out was very interesting.

He arrived just in time to hear the future little house owner vent his spleen about what he saw as a spleen-worthy venting issue when he heard the agitated husband shouting at his cowering wife, “Have you seen that big sign outside our future homesite’s front gate? That’s right it reads $1,100,000 And Up! When we contacted to build this home, I thought that $1,100,000 was quite enough to spend but I no longer think that way! I’ll be darn if I am going to be looked down on by my future snotty neighbors because I have the cheapest house in the neighborhood! First thing in the morning I’m calling the builder and directing him to squeeze in a $300,000 Jacuzzi right behind our $250,000 Lanai. I only wish our lot had room for a $700,000 swimming pool!”

“And, sure as shooting, if he tells me that Jacuzzis do not cost that much, I darn well will tell him I don’t care one hoot about what a Jacuzzi really costs, just as long as he charges me at least $300,000!”

His cowering wife mumbled a question to him and that set him off venting again, “You are right, Bubbles, I am also going to ask him what a Lanai is!”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Did Anyone Ever Say That What You See On The Internet Is Not Always The Truth? If Not, Someone Should Have!

 

I stumbled across this on the Internet:

The beginning of the article...

“The Federal Communications Commission has fined Lingo Telecom $1 million for transmitting robocalls impersonating President Joe Biden earlier this year, where an AI replica of Biden's voice was used to trick and persuade voters in the New Hampshire primary election not to go to the polls.”

The end of the article...

“Russian bot farms posting replies to political figures have continued to spam across X, The Wall Street Journal reports, finding that the issue has been a problem since at least 2022 when Elon Musk bought the social media platform. Facebook and Instagram have also found bot networks spreading political propaganda on their platforms, and removed over 2,000 accounts earlier this year tied to Israel, Iran, and China, to name a few.”

Did you see the Tip Of The Iceberg? I underlined it for you...removed over 2,000 accounts. If the Tip is “over 2000”, can we even imagine how big the Iceberg is?

Fella has this to say about that...There are a lot of numbers higher than 2,000.

If you wanna read the whole article click here: FCC Slaps Telecom Firm With $1M Fine for Spreading Fake Biden Robocall (msn.com)

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Do You Have A Right To See Who Is Breaking Your Windshield With A Hammer?

    

The above subject ought to be a No Brainer but No Brainers appeared to have disappeared at the same time as Common Sense disappeared.

What am I talking about? I’m not sure but I’ll come up with something.

************

We used to have the right to face our accuser. That was before Mr. Anonymous raised his ugly head. He was quickly followed by the appearance of the likes of...

Ø According to a source close to the matter...

Ø According to a person familiar with the matter...

Ø People familiar with the matter said...

Ø One of those involved said...

Ø In a private text-message exchange about two weeks after election day...

Ø According to one document...

Ø Etc. Etc. Etc.

************

Now, long after The Lone Ranger (who never lived) died, we have Masks Everywhere...

Ø Persons of Interest walk into banks wearing masks. They are sometimes stopped by Security Guards who say, “You can’t walk into a bank with a mask on”.

Ø The indignant mask wearer says in reply, “Oh, yes, I can. Where have you been? Do you not watch TV? Every night thousands of Mask Wearers roam the country causing all kinds of mayhem and they are not stopped from roaming and mayheming”.

Ø “Who are you to say that I can’t come into your bank and take some money. After all I’m not going to take all your bank’s money. I’m only going to take a whole bunch of it”.

The befuddled Security Guard says...

Ø “You have a point there. Sorry I bothered you. Would you like a cup of coffee while you wait for your money?”.

************

It has gotten so bad that our Rulers are finding it necessary to pass laws to try and get this Nationwide Mass Mask Epidemic under some kind of control. You think I am making this up, don’t you? Ok, Mr. Smarty Pants, here is an actual news article headline I just stumbled across...

A New York County Passes Anti-Mask Bill To Prevent Anti-Israel Protesters From Shielding Identities 

This Blog Posting has now come full circle (yea, I know it took me a while).

Don’t for second think that Law and Order has won this battle. It ain’t over till the inevitable lawsuits are over. The lawsuits will be having their way with us for years to come.

Of course, the court actions will be accompanied by demonstrations outside the courthouses with all of the demonstrators shouting Jingle Chants somewhere along these lines, “We don’t have to ask! We got a right to mask!”

************

Fella’s Own Stupid Opinion Department...Police ought to make it a practice to rip off all masks they can get their hands on. This ought to send the mask wearers scurrying away into the night. Since they are not allowed to use their batons anymore, police need to have something to do with their hands while they are asking the Mostly Peaceful Demonstrators To Stop Setting Those Mostly Peaceful Fires.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

My Father Knew How To Speak Good English But Sometimes He Played With His English

When it came to education, my Father was a man of his times. He went to the 5^th Grade in Grammar School. Then his Father said to him (as he did to all his children), “That’s enough of that. Time for you to get to work at working”. That probably meant, Get To Work In My Grocery Store!

So, what was it my Father said in Not Good English? He often said, “Don’t worry about nontin.” All these years later (he died in February of 1966) his tongue-in-cheek ditty would be coming into fruition for Corner Grocery Store Owners like him (if there were any corner grocery store owners like him still out there).

Here’s how it would work...

Ø He would go to his nearest print shop and have the above Warning Sign printed up.

Ø He would only need 1 sign.

Ø He would dig out 1 thumb tack and thumb it to the wall right inside his corner front door.

Ø He could then sit back and relax and not worry about nontin (yea, I know that’s a Bad English Double Negative).

That’s right, customers could be repeatedly bitten by his own dog or any other dog that happened to be in his little corner grocery store and he would not be liable because he had thumb tacked that little sign inside his little corner grocery store and now, he was worrying about nontin.

In Today’s Litigious Society there would be a fly in his ointment but not back in his day. Today he would need several more signs and several more thumb tacks. That’s because today he would have to tack up several more signs outside his store because he would certainly be sued by bitten customers who were approaching his store but were not actually in his store. It’s the Intent To Enter Provision.

In my Daddy’s day, if the Intent To Enter Provision were raised in a courtroom the Judge would certainly have said, “Get Out Of My Courtroom!”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

They Try To Get Us To Worry About Everything!

 News Article Headline

Skyscraper-Size Asteroid Will Buzz Earth

The above headline happened several months ago but I did not blog about it then because I’ve been busy.

This sounds like something that could be very dangerous. Skyscrapers are very big. This sounds like the kind of thing that got rid of the Dinosaurs. If I remember right, Dinosaurs were a lot bigger than we are. This probably kept a lot of people awake at night back when I was busy not writing about our impending doom.

OK, I agree we are not interested in hearing about all the cats stranded up high in trees but do we really want only Bad News? We are getting so caught up in Bad News that I am thinking we are to the point where we don’t want to hear about every bad news story out there.

We especially don’t want to hear about all the bad news out there that is really not bad news but the News Media is taking Interesting News or Curious News or So What News and making it sound like Really Bad News.

************

Back to the News Headline that got my attention and got me started on this blog... “Skyscraper-Size Asteroid Will Buzz Earth”

• Do you see the word that caught my attention and started me stumbling through this blog?
• That’s right, it is “Buzz”.
• If they had said a Skyscraper-Sized Piece of Something was going to Pass By the Earth it would not have gotten our attention but Buzz By sounds really close!
• Buzz By sounds like NBA Basketball Players better get ready to duck.

************

On the other hand, we read in the article... Don’t worry: There’s no chance of it hitting us since it will pass seven times the distance from Earth to the moon or said another way, Safely Passing Within 1.7 Million Miles.

That does it! There ought to be a law against Making Mountains Out Of Mole Hills. If this news article would have been presented to Dr. Jonas Salk as he was nearing finding his cure for Tuberculosis, he quite possibly would have jumped up and knocking over his lab table with all his really important test tubes on it as he rushed out of the building to seek cover.

And then where would we be? I’ll tell you where many of us would be. We would be in Iron Lungs Scattered All Across The Fruited Plain.

I shudder to think of it!

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: This Lagniappe comes to you from Fella’s Go Ahead and Google It Department which tells you that you have Fella’s permission to Google Dr. Jonas Salk, Iron Lung and/or Tuberculosis.

Are We That Stupid?

Hello out there. It is The Noticer here. It happened again when I least expected it. I was driving on a Big 4-Lane Highway the other day when it happened. I Noticed something that only I, The Noticer, would ever Notice.

I had made my turn out of my 2 lanes going north and, as I crossed over the 2 lanes going south, I Noticed that there were 3 red signs on the right side of the 2 south bound lanes and 3 signs on the left side of the south bound lanes that were facing toward me and not facing toward the oncoming traffic.

Are you wondering why they were not facing oncoming traffic? That’s because they were intended to prevent stupid drivers from taking a right turn and beginning to travel into oncoming traffic. That’s right, they were signs that read Wrong Way...

  

These were Stupid Signs. No, the signs were not stupid they were there to prevent Stupid Drivers from having head-on collisions with oncoming traffic.

At first, I thought, “If the signs were not there, it would be a great way to get rid of a lot of Stupid People!” But, since I am pretty smart, I immediately saw that was not a good idea because the Stupid People might collide with Smart People and get rid of people who need not be gotten rid of like...

• A brilliant doctor who was days away from finding a cure for all forms of Cancer.
• A baseball player who was 1 swing away from breaking the all-time record for home runs in a single season.
• A young man of 22 years of age who, 38 years into the future, was destined to become President of the United States, and in his 2^nd year in office, he was going to solve the Middle East Situation.

Forrest Gump is visiting with me today. He just expanded on his famous Stupid Line in his movie, “Stupid is as stupid does and driving the wrong way into 2 lanes of oncoming traffic is stupid. It is hard to comprehend how much money is spent every year all across the fruited plain buying signs and erecting signs that try to prevent stupid people from doing stupid!”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: