Sunday, April 30, 2017

The Smartfella Will Now Proceed To Go About Attempting To Prove How Dumb He Is

There is no reasoning with anyone on either side of the issue of Gun Control. Anyone who would dare to think he could reason with either side of the issue of Gun Control would not be too smart. In order to prove I am not smart, I’m going give it a try.

This is my attempt to convince those of you who are in favor of Increased Gun Control to see the silliness of one part of the Washington D.C. Gun Control Ban.

In 1976 Washington D.C enacted their Gun Control Ban which prohibited anyone other than law-enforcement officers from carrying a firearm in the city. Residents were even barred from keeping guns in their homes for self-defense.

Some in D.C. who owned firearms before the ban were allowed to keep them as long as the weapons were Disassembled or Trigger-Locked at all times. According to the law, trigger locks could not be removed for self-defense even if the owner was being robbed at gunpoint.

I put the bold in the above paragraph. Would you agree that these words mean... It is OK to keep your gun provided you do not ever try to use your gun.

Is this silly? Is this foolishness? I am so dumb that I think all of you would agree that this is Silly and Foolish.

Well, the courts agreed with my Silly Foolish contention.

The courts did repeal this part of the law but it took 32 years for the D.C. Court of Appeals and then the Supreme Court to rule that it was Unconstitutional.

If I had been shot dead with my Trigger-Locked and/or Disassembled Gun in my cold dead hand during the 32 years that that part of the law was Constitutional, I would be really mad.

Would I kid u?

The Smartfella

Thursday, April 27, 2017

This Ain’t Right!

Nordstrom has come up with a new product that everyone in the Good Ole USofA is sure to want.

 

Allow me to correct my opening statement in the opening paragraph above. Remove “sure to want” and replace it with “deserves to have”.

 

Nay, allow me to correct the above correction. “Deserves to have” is not strong enough because somewhere in the Constitution this must certainly be listed as an Inalienable Right!

 

I apologize. I got so carried away that I am in the 4th paragraph of this bit of foolishness and I have not told you of which I speak. I am talking about Nordstrom Selling Muddy Jeans Complete with Fake Mud That Will Not Wash Out for $425 (http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/prps-barracuda-straight-leg-jeans/4457245).

Their Web Site has 2 glaring inaccuracies...

“Heavily distressed medium-blue denim jeans in a comfortable straight-leg fit embody rugged, Americana workwear that's seen some hard-working action with a crackled, caked-on muddy coating that shows you're not afraid to get down and dirty.”

The Inaccuracies:

Ø “That's seen some hard-working action”... This is not true. They come out of the box with fake mud on them and imparting a fake impression that you have been working hard but you are faking your hard work as soon as you put them on.

Ø “Shows you're not afraid to get down and dirty”...This is not true. You are afraid to get down and dirty, otherwise you would have gotten down and dirty but you were afraid to get down and dirty, so you faked it.

 

Actually I see this as a very strong argument for increasing the Federal Minimum Wage way over its current measly $7.25. Do you realize how long a minimum wage worker would have to labor to buy a pair of these jeans? Its 58.620689 hours! That’s unconscionable!

 

One More Point...Did you notice Nordstrom advertises that they do not charge shipping on their $425 jeans? Well I guess not! If they would charge shipping on a $425 pair of jeans that cost them $12.86 to manufacture (in Portugal), they ought to be thrown in jail.

 

I don’t think I am being too harsh to say that their CEO, their CFO, their CPA and their Doorman ought to all be thrown in jail. (I can see that you think I got carried away again. OK, give the Doorman a pass.)

 

One More One More Point...Atta Boy for Reebok! I’m gonna go out and buy something made by Reebok this very day. What am I gonna buy? It does not matter, as long as it is made by Reebok. Such good ole American Foolishness as this (click below) deserves to be rewarded! (Be patient while the commercial delays the Foolishness)... https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/nation-now/2017/04/27/reebok-features-425-sweat-shirt-following-news-nordstroms-muddy-jeans/307031001/

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

I could say The Sky's The Limit But The Sky Is Too Low

Years ago there was a movie called, It Happens Every Spring. It was about Baseball. Our 9% Approval Rated Congress has its own rituals. The one I am blogging about today does not happen every spring but it does seem to happen every time we Turn Around.

 

Even if we stopped turning around it will not stop Congress from being stupid.

 

It’s time for the Congressional Song and Dance aka Congressional Finger Pointing Contest aka We Gotta Raise The Debt Limit Craziness.

 

If you think that our rulers in Washington D.C. have to raise the Debt Limit so they can spend more money you are as confused as most of the Folks Back Home (that’s us).

 

That’s not what’s happening here. They have to raise the Debt Limit because they have exceeded the amount of money that they had to spend. They are actually seeking authority to borrow enough money to cover what they have already spent.

 

Why do they bother to even put up the facade that they have a limited amount of money to spend? Once they have spent all they had, they simply make more.

 

At least they ought to change the name of the National Debt Limit. Here are my recommended names?…

Ø The Temporary Debt Limit.

Ø The Debt Limit Until We Zip Right Past The Debt Limit Limit.

Ø The Unlimited Debt Limit.

Ø The What Debt Limit Limit?

Ø The Absolutely We Ain’t Gonna Go Over Limit Unless And Until Such Time As We Spend So Much Money That It Is Necessary To Borrow More Money To Cover The Money We Already Spent But Which We Did Not Have Limit.

 

Until they get a new official name change in place they ought to put a Smiley Face before and after the old name. This way we will know they are just kidding.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Saturday, April 22, 2017

When You Hear Someone Say, “Easy As Pie”, Ask Them, “Is That Pie or Pi?”

Apple Pie is easy to eat.

 

Pi, the Algebraic Formula, is not so easy to digest. Here is a little taste of Pi not Pie...

There are many formulas of Pi of many types. Among others, these include series, products, geometric constructions, limits, special values, and pi iterations.

Are you not relieved to know I am now going to go Algebraicless (yes, I know that is not a word).

 

Let’s get back to Pie (the easy one)...

The Governor of New York Has Proposed To Give Free Tuition To Middle-Class Students Attending The State’s Public Colleges.

What could be simpler?...

Ø Free Tuition...We all love Free.

Ø Middle-Class Students...Those are the folks that politicians always make speeches about during political campaigns.

Ø State’s Public Colleges...Not Private.

 

In New York, Pie is like Pi.

I will not take a position about Free Public College Tuition Proposal in this Blog Posting. What I will do is bullet point the complications my newspaper laid out to me about this “Easy As Pie” Proposal...

Ø The plan for tuition-free college merely redistributes income while giving the middle class little actual help.

Ø Many of the putative beneficiaries may be harmed. (You know your ability to understand is headed south when they start throwing around words like “putative”.)

Ø To qualify, students must come from families earning less than $100,000 ($125,000 by 2019).

Ø Students must attend school full-time.

Ø Students must graduate on time.

Ø Only a fifth of its undergraduates would be eligible.

Ø A mere 2% of students at the City University of New York would qualify—in part because of low graduation rates.

Ø At the end of each year, scholarship recipients who don’t complete 30 credits—a full course load for two semesters—could lose their grant award for that second semester and get stuck taking out loans to pay back the state.

Ø Students also have to commit to living and working in New York after they graduate for as many years as they receive the scholarship.

Ø If they leave the state, again the grant turns into a loan.

Ø This kind of indentured servitude could keep young graduates from pursuing higher-paying employment elsewhere.

Pause for a Thought Provoking Thought...How are all these proposed requirements and stipulations going to be policed?

There’s more. Now the Complicated gets Confusing, or is it, the Confusing gets Complicated?...

Ø Scholarship recipients also won’t save as much money as they might think. Annual Tuition for in-state students at SUNY community colleges is roughly $4,370. The figure for the state’s public four-year schools is about $6,470.

Ø Low-income students can get federal Pell grants of up to $5,920 a year.

Ø New York’s Tuition Assistance Program, which covers students whose families earn less than $80,000, can further reduce tuition by $500 up to $5,000 each year.

Ø In other words, many middle-class students already are paying little to nothing for tuition.

Ø Students who receive scholarships, however, would still have to pay for room and board, which SUNY estimates will run between $10,000 and $13,000 a year.

Ø The plan will cost state taxpayers a mere $163 million by 2019 (they put he “a mere” in there, not me).

Ø Hundreds of millions more in federal student aid may flow to public colleges because of increased enrollment, which may be one of the plan’s unstated goals.

Ø Promising free tuition could steer more students to public schools from private ones.

Ø According to the commission’s analysis, the plan would shift $1.4 billion away from nonprofit colleges, resulting in 45,000 job losses.

Ø Compensating jobs would be created at public schools, but dislocations would invariably occur.

Ø Once this is out there and implemented, possibly some of the more precarious institutions will go under.

Ø What that will do is cause millions of dollars of lost economic impact on the local community where the colleges are/were located.

Ø This means the plan could cause thousands of job losses in the Upstate Areas of New York.

Ø The State has already spent $25 billion trying to resuscitate Upstate New York.

Ø Yet the State’s economic stimulus has so far produced little bang for taxpayers’ bucks. According to a March report by InvestigativePost.org, upstate employment has grown by only 2.7% compared with 13.1% downstate and 11% nationally.

 

In order to add Inspiration to all this Consternation, the State says... The people of New York have to believe it’s going to work if it’s actually going to work...Or does it?

 

The Fella might ask... If they believe that it will work, does that guarantee that it will work?

 

I apologize for how complicated this Pi really is. If the Devil is truly in the Details, it is easy to see that this is a Devilish Pie.

 

If you want to show The Fella how gullible you really are, you can now text me this rebuttal... “It’s all going to be OK. My elected representative looked me straight in my eye and said to my eye, ‘Trust Me’”.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Droves Of People Are Leaving Our State Because We Tax Them Way Too Much. If We Give Them A Little Bitty Bonus To Stay, They Will Not Leave. Then We Can Continue Taxing Them Way To Much.

I apologize for this Blog Posting being so long but there is a lot of Silliness in Connecticut.

Somewhere in Connecticut’s past this bullet-pointed conversation happened in their State House...

Ø We need more money.

Ø I have an idea. Let’s tax the other 49 States.

Ø We don’t have the power to do that.

Ø Are you sure we don’t?

Ø I’m not certain and I will check on it but, for the sake of this discussion, let’s assume that we don’t have that power. Let’s continue to kick around some ideas about how we can increase revenue.

Silence...

Ø What about cutting spending?

Ø Come on now! We were not sent up here to not spend money. We were sent here to spend money and we have done an excellent job of that, if I do say so myself.

Silence...

Ø I guess we will have to tax the people here in Connecticut.

Ø Do you think they will stand for that? We have started to hear rumblings that they have started to take note of what we have been doing to them.

Ø They have rumbled before. We have not pushed them to the breaking point. Besides, Football Season starts this weekend and they will not pay any attention to us till early February and, we all know what follows February, March (Basketball) Madness. Trust me.

Ø OK, I’ll defer to your political savvy. You were right about the last 12 tax increases.

Ø Let’s go to Happy Hour.

Ø You know you said the same thing after we decided to enact the last 12 tax increases.

 

What caused The Fella to start pecking out a Foolishness...Or Is It? about little ole Connecticut? To find the answer, read on and learn about Connecticut’s Tale of Taxation Woe...

Ø Connecticut’s progressive tax experiment has hit a wall.

Ø Tens of thousands of residents are leaving for lower tax states.

Ø 25 years ago Connecticut was a low-tax haven for Northeasterners.

Ø In 1991 the state enacted an income tax and it was later made steeply progressive.

Ø The Slippery Slope started doing its slippery thing but, as is usually the case with taxes, it was upward slippery.

Ø In a fine example of Taxpayer Trickery, the top rate on individuals earning $500,000 or more has been lifted to 6.99%.

Ø The beleaguered taxpayers of Connecticut breathed a huge sigh of relief because they had feared that the rate was going to go up to 7%.

Ø Many taxpayers were heard to say, “I’m going to find out if my representative voted to keep the rate below 7%, and if he did, I’m going to be sure to vote for him again”.

Ø In 2012 the Tax Foundation ranked Connecticut’s state and local tax burden second highest in the country behind New York.

Ø Due to recent Property and Income Tax Hikes, Connecticut may now be in the lead.

Ø You don’t need a Yale degree to figure out that the tax hikes have been a disaster.

Ø A net 30,000 residents moved to other states last year.

Ø Since 2010 seven of Connecticut’s eight counties have lost population.

Ø In the last five years, 27,400 Connecticut residents have moved to Florida.

Ø More than 3,000 Connecticut residents have moved to zero income-tax New Hampshire in the last two years.

Ø In a fine example of the Blind Leading the Stupid, many Legislators are denying that tax policies influence personal or business decisions.

Ø After losing General Electric last year, the Governor bribed the hedge funds Bridgewater and AQR Capital with $57 million in taxpayer subsidies not to leave the state.

Ø Other beneficiaries of the Governor’s corporate welfare include Cigna, NBC Sports, ESPN and Charter Communications. (If these giveaways continue, Connecticut is going to have to raise taxes.)

Ø Legislators have now taken the subsidy idea one step further by proposing a tax credit averaging $1,200 for grads of Connecticut colleges who live in the state to stay in the state after graduation.

Ø It is estimated this tax credit would cost the state $6 million each year assuming only 10% of eligible college grads sign on.

Ø They better pray that more than 10% don’t decide to take the State up on this silly offer. (If these giveaways continue, Connecticut is going to have to raise taxes.)

Ø The elephant in the room is a main reason young people are escaping is the lack of job opportunities because businesses are leaving because of high taxes.

Ø Since 2010 employment in Connecticut has grown at half the rate of Massachusetts and more slowly than in Rhode Island or New Jersey.

Ø Meanwhile, Legislators are worried about a projected $1.7 billion budget deficit next year because tax revenues keep trailing projections. (No Chit Sherlock!)

Ø To make matters worse, the state’s teacher pension bill is projected to grow by a third over the next two years.

Ø The Legislators who are causing all this mess have a solution. Some of these mental midgets want to impose a 19% tax on hedge funds’ carried interest.

 

By now you are thinking I made all this up.

 

It looks like many of the $1,200 We’re Gonna Stay Here (Wink Wink) Graduates will use the money to spend on Graduation Parties and then they will move out of state to get a job.

 

I have an idea! They ought to do is build a Wall around Connecticut!

 

Did I just hear you say a Wall is a silly idea? Do you want to read something sillier? If so, scroll back up this Foolishness and read Connecticut’s Tale of Taxation Woe again.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Sunday, April 16, 2017

The Biggest Reason Why We Should Admire North Koreans

It must be a great relief to the rest of the world that it does not have to worry about Noticing Anything. Since there is me, the Burden of Noticing can be completely disregarded and everyone else can concentrate on the other important things in life like Tweeting, Liking, Following and Keeping Up With Celebrities.

 

Please look at the 5 Images below and take note of what you notice.

 

I must warn you, if you do not see what I see, you may become disillusioned with your own Ability to Notice. Please don’t do that! It’s not your fault! Your Ability to Notice is probably a skill that has diminished because of disuse as you became more and more dependent on me. When my heart attacks me, I am sure your Noticing Skill will return as you start having to Notice Things All Over Again...Or will it?

clip_image002clip_image004clip_image006clip_image008clip_image010

 

Did you see it?...

They are all the same height!

To make everyone in an entire country grow to the exact same height is a very difficult thing to do!

 

It looks like the Supreme Leaders have had skills that go well beyond Posing for Pictures, Clapping Their Hands and Eating Hamburgers

 

I mention Hamburgers because North Koreans are told to believe that, in 2009, the Second Dear Leader Kim Jong-il, invented the Hamburger. Certainly, they all believe that...Or do they certainly not?

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Sunday, April 09, 2017

All Politics Is Local...Or Is It? ... And ... Sometimes A Little Stupid...You Bet Ya!

What I am about to talk about in this Blog Posting is Perfectly Legal but it just does not Smell Right.

 

In Georgia’s 6th Congressional District we are about to have an election to replace Congressman Tom Price who left the seat vacant to join President Trump’s Cabinet. The District has been Republican since the 1970s but has been targeted by Democrats as a District to flip to Democrat in 2017.

 

As of March 29, the Democrat Candidate had raised $8.3 million (3.4 times what Price spent in his most recent election) and spent $6.1 million (2.5 times what Price spent in his most recent election). Price’s most recent election was the most he has spent in any of his 7 campaigns.

 

I have not pecked out anything yet about anyone doing anything Illegal and, as I stated in the first paragraph above, nothing illegal is afoot in this race.

 

Oh, I did make a comment about something being Smelly and here is the Smelly Part...

The 30 Year-Old Democrat in this race has more money to spend than he can shake a stick at and 95% of his Donors are from outside the State of Georgia.

The underlined part is the Smelly But Legal Part.

 

The Republican Stupid Part is there are 11 Republicans in the race (out of 18 total candidates) who are busy tearing each other apart and they are doing a fine job of tearing.

 

If any candidate gets 50% of the vote on the first ballot there will be no second ballot. Mr. Out Of State Money Candidate is polling above 40% presently.

 

Looks like there a pretty good chance there will be 11 Bloodied Republican Candidates standing around on election night saying to themselves, “What happened?” while Mr. Out Of State Money Representative-Elect and his Out Of State Donors are toasting each other with glasses of Out Of State Champaign.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

 

Wednesday, April 05, 2017

We Used To Be Able To Put A Man on The Moon

Every time I watch one of our Wide-Eyed and Hysterical Question and Answer Secessions (they seem to happen every 20 minutes) I am amazed. For a country that used to be able to put a man on the moon, we still can’t figure out how to make the Questions spoken to the Question and Answer Victim able to be heard by the Television Audience.

 

Half the time this is perfectly fine with the Question and Answer Victim because he has no intention of answering the question that was asked anyway.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Saturday, April 01, 2017

Seems Obvious To Me

The headline to another one of my newspaper’s Must Read Articles is...

Smartphones May Be To Blame for Big Spike in Pedestrian Deaths

As we used to say in Grammar School, “No Chit Sherlock”. The predicament our Walking People find themselves in is part of an Evolutionary Process...

Ø The car was invented.

Ø In the beginning, drivers of cars in the Good Ole USofA stared intensively at the road in front of them with both hands on the wheel.

Ø Crosswalks were invented and the Walking People used them to cross streets.

Ø When a Two Hands on the Wheel Driver approached a Walking Person walking outside of a crosswalk, they either put on their brakes and/or swerved around the Jaywalking Person.

Ø The Two Hands on the Wheel Drivers who were most concerned for the Jaywalking Person’s well-being blew their horn as they put on the brakes and/or swerved around the Jaywalking Person.

Ø The use of the horn was appreciated by the Jaywalker and made him say to himself, “Self, that was a stupid thing to do. Next time I am going to use the crosswalk when I cross a street. I sure thank that kind driver with his two hands on the wheel for using his brakes and/or swerving around me while blowing his horn.”

All was well in the Good Ole USofA.

------------------------

The first sign that this Driving/Walking Bliss was coming to an end was when someone invented The Finger. As if on cue, drivers and walkers started giving each other The Finger and our world was never that same again.

------------------------

As if the invention of The Finger was not bad enough, other inventors got into the act...

Ø The Colonel invented his Finger Licking Good Chicken Bucket and drivers started eating, driving, fingering and licking their fingers as they drove.

Ø Then the Cup Holder was invented. No one foresaw that the holder could also accommodate a bottle of beer. Once this error was uncovered, concern for the error was set aside because no one thought that anyone would be stupid enough to drive while drinking beer...Or would they?

Ø Then the Little White Dog was invented and these cute little fellas started jumping all over the finger licking finger giving driver’s lap causing him to spill his beer as he tried to swerve around the Jaywalkers.

Ø This caused the Former Two Hands on the Wheel Drivers to shout cuss words out of the car window (cuss words had been invented long ago) and throw his Buggy Whip at the Jaywalking Person (he no longer needed his Buggy Whip anyway).

 

While all of this consternation was swirling around in the Hand Basket of the Good Ole USofA, Steve Jobs was invented and he invented the Smartphone.

 

That, my dear readers, was The Tipping Point, the Straw that Broke the Camel’s Back, the Point Of No Return and/or All She Wrote.

 

Now we find ourselves reading Must Read Articles in our newspapers about increasing pedestrian deaths and asking, “How Did We Get Here?”

 

Is it not obvious?

 

It is to me.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: Yes, I heard you ask yourself, “Self, where does the term ‘Jaywalking’ come from?” (Yes, I am always listening.)

Jaywalking comes from the fact that “Jay” used to be a generic term for someone who was an idiot, dull, rube, unsophisticated, poor, or simpleton.

More precisely, it was once a common term for “country bumpkins” or “hicks”, usually seen as inherently stupid by “city” folk.

In Politically Correct America they are now called, “Mentally Challenged Walkers”.