Wednesday, January 06, 2016

Am I Being Too Picky...Again?

On December 7, 2015 Homeland Security Secretary Jeh Johnson announced he was changing the National Terrorism Warning System.

I have faith that these people in Homeland Security know what they are doing...Or do I?...Or do they?

In my reading of an article about the new National Terrorism Warning System there were two parts that caught my picky eye.

Me Being Picky, Part 1:

Jeh Johnson said the changes to the system allow Homeland Security to post a bulletin that does not depend on a Specific Credible Threat.


For years now, whenever we are being warned about a Terrorist Threat, being assured about a Terrorist Threat not really being a Terrorist Threat or lied to about a Terrorist Threat the phrase “Credible Threat” is replete throughout the Warning, the Assurance or the Lie. We expect to see the phrase “Credible Threat” to know for certain that we need to be worried.

Actually “Credible Threat” it is being used so often that is approaching the gargantuan volumes of some of our nightly news all time great Catch Phrases like...

Ø “Boots on the Ground”

Ø “Bipartisan”

Ø “Transparency”

Ø “My Good Friend” (used constantly in the Senate as a substitute for “That Complete Idiot Across the Aisle”).

My thinking is, if we are not going to depend on the use of the phrase “Credible Threat” to start worrying, what are going to depend on?

Ø Are we going to jump under the table because of Not-Credible Rumors?

Ø Are going to go back to making plans to move to New Zealand because Jeh Johnson’s barber, who was high on cocaine during Jeh’s last haircut, whispered in Jeh’s ear that his brother-in-law told him about his wild guess about a terrorist attack coming on Thursday?

Ø Are we going to despair because the New York Times took a survey of Mulberry Creek’s Fourth Grade Class during recess?

Me Being Picky, Part 2:

The Alert issued on Wednesday under the new system, which expires on 16 June, reads: “We are in a new phase in the global threat environment, which has implications on the homeland”.

My thinking is, what the heck does “Implications on the Homeland” even mean?

My confusion continues... “Expires June 16, 2016”. Why June 16? Have the Terrorists told us that June 16 is the start of their Vacation Season, so we can stop worrying for awhile?

If that’s true, I hope they will have the common decency to tell us when their Vacation Season comes to an end, so we can crank up another warning to worry about.

If it all makes sense to you, email me & tell me it makes sense to you & I will personally pay to have your head examined.

Would I kid u?