Tuesday, December 01, 2015

Love Your Lawyer

A Line From Shakespeare: ''The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers”.

Here are the first 3 paragraphs of an article out of the Wall Street Journal on November 6, 2015. Those of you who have been with me for awhile will think I made this foolishness up. Those of you who reading your first Foolishness...Or Is It? will think I made this foolishness up...

The First Thing We Do, Let’s Love All the Lawyers

For a profession sometimes held in contempt, it was a plaintive plea: Lawyers were looking for love.

“WHEREAS, Lawyers have consistently been the target of verbal bashing, derogatory portrayals and literature is rife with lawyer bashing dated back hundreds of years,” reads the preamble of a resolution unanimously passed by the American Bar Association’s law practice division last month.

“Lawyers throughout the nation,” it said, “are urged to celebrate ‘Love Your Lawyer Day’ to help promote a positive and more respected image of lawyers and their contributions to society.”

The First Friday in November (this Foolishness is intended to be an annual celebration) has come & gone. Did any of you hear of anything happening on The Big Day? I certainly have not.

How about all you lawyers out there who are addicted to reading Foolishness...Or Is It?. Did anyone make love to you on November 6? If so, submit a comment to this blog posting & tell us all about it.

If no one made love to you, I am here to tell all of you why. It’s because of those silly law suits you are clogging up our crack judicial system with, that why!

Here are just a few of the law suits that made you feel so unloved on November 6th...

Ø A Hardware Store was sued because it sold a Trash Can without trash in it. The plaintiff’s lawyer said his client had to go to all the trouble to create and/or buy his own trash.

Ø A company dumped a humongous amount of toxic waste in a stream but it was not sued by the Federal Government. Another company on a different stream was sued for all the toxic waste that the not-sued company had dumped. The plaintiff’s lawyer argued in court, “Your Honor, the company that did the dumping is in a precarious financial condition. If we had sued the dumping company, we would not have gotten enough damages to cover our exorbitant fee”.

Ø A Mom & Pop Novelty Store was sued out of existence because a shopper slipped on a banana peel in a Big Box Store seven blocks away from Mom & Pop’s little establishment. The Big Box’s Lawyer successfully argued in court that the Bog Box Store was important while the Mom & Pop Store was not.

Ø A Big Box Store was successfully sued in court for paying an hourly wage that was not a Living Wage by an employee that did not work at the Big Box Store. The plaintiff’s lawyer contended that, if his client had actually worked at the Big Box Store, he would not have been able to support his Nine Children, put gas in his Speed Boat or even gas up his Motor Home, which he uses to drive to his Ski Home Getaway in Idaho each winter.

A spokesman for the American Bar Association jumped into fray by saying Love Your Lawyer Day may not be necessary. He came armed with statistics that say 21% of Americans like lawyers. A spokesman for The Fella (me) has this to say about that, “21% isn’t much. Heck a baseball player who batted only 21% would only be able to sign a contract for $4 Million!”

I predict that the successful implementation of Love Your Lawyer Day could very well change the national perception of lawyers in the Good Ole USofA. No longer will Lawyers be upon as Sleazy. In the future they will be seen as Silly & Sleazy.

The Fella’s Question of the Day: What’s next, National Nacho Maker’s Day or National Oboe Player’s Day or, more logically, National Fella’s Day?

Would I kid u?


Lagniappe One: If you want to read the WSJ whole article, click here: http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB22518117221366974746504581337521970654338

Lagniappe Another: After all the slamming I did about lawyers in this Blog Posting, I will now attempt to make up with all my loyal lawyer readers. This comes from the New York Times...

'Kill the Lawyers,' A Line Misinterpreted

Published: June 17, 1990

In reference to the review of ''Guilty Conscience,'' (May 20) Leah D. Frank is inaccurate when she states that when Shakespeare had one of his characters state ''Let's kill all the lawyers,'' it was the corrupt, unethical lawyers he was referring to. Shakespeare's exact line ''The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers,'' was stated by Dick the Butcher in ''Henry VI,'' Part II, act IV, Scene II, Line 73. Dick the Butcher was a follower of the rebel Jack Cade, who thought that if he disturbed law and order, he could become king. Shakespeare meant it as a compliment to attorneys and judges who instill justice in society.