Monday, November 09, 2015

Would You Believe...This Is The Reason We Did What We Did?

The above Subject was put together in loving memory of Maxwell Smart from the TV Show, Get Smart. If you did not accept his explanation about something (a lie) he would say, “Would you believe...?” & then present you with an alternative explanation (another lie).

Our Federal Bureau of Prisons eliminated Roast Pork from the menu of its 122 prisons (decision reversed a week later). Immediately many in the Good Ole USofA jumped on this decision as a concession to Muslim Prisoners who might be offended if anyone anywhere in the dining hall was eating Roast Pork, especially if that anyone was actually enjoying the Roast Pork &, therefore, insulting the prophet.

Warden Maxwell Smart immediately issued a statement saying the reason for the removal had nothing to do with Muslims, Enjoyment &/or Prophets but, “Would you believe, the prison population had been surveyed & pork was their least favorite food?”

I don't mean to be picky (I really do) but, if you continued to take surveys of what foods prisoners like to eat, there would always be a least favorite food. If you always eliminate the least favorite food from their menu they would eventually get down to a single food item.

The last 2 would probably be Steak & Lobster.

Let them pick one of the 2 & the remaining one would be their favorite (& only) food. The prisoners would then be treated to their favorite food at every sitting & we would be happy too because we do want our prison community to be happy & eating their favorite food would make them very happy...Or would it?

This Single Selection would also save a lot of confusion in the kitchen. Can’t you just see this happening in the kitchen?...

  • Nestor: OK, Cookie, what are we going to prepare to serve today?
  • Cookie: Steak.
  • Nestor: That’s the same thing we have served for the last 1,212 consecutive days for Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner.
  • Cookie: Our Prison Community was offered a choice between Lobster & Steak & they said they hated Lobster.
  • Nestor: They did not say they hated Lobster. They were offered a choice between Lobster & Steak & they chose Steak.
  • Cookie: That’s the same as saying they hated Lobster.
  • Nestor: Oh, I understand.

That last bullet above is why Nestor has been the 3rd Assistant to the 5th Assistant Cook for the last 22 years.

Would I kid u?


Lagniappe: Partly because the Muslim Community said they were against elimination of Roast Pork, the Bureau of Prisons has decided to bring back Roast Pork. The Muslims did not want to be blamed for the demise of Roast Pork. Now someone has to protest on behalf of our porkless prisoners to bring back the other pork products that our prisoners are being deprived of... "Edmond Ross, a spokesman for the prison bureau, said that during the past two years, bacon, pork chops, and sausage had been removed from the prison menus."

The Fella personally believes that having to live without sausage is Cruel & Unusual Punishment.