Friday, March 06, 2015

If Only We Were This Socially Advanced Back Then, We Could Have Saved The Buggy Whip Manufacturers

The Buggy Whip Manufacturers were swept into the Dustbin Of History.

By the time the same fate was about to befall the Coal Tenders on railroad engines we had advanced to the point where we saved them & they were allowed to stay on the job (doing nothing) after the evil diesel engines tried to sweep them into the Dustbin of History.

We have learned from our past mistakes & this time around we are going to save the many employees of Automotive Body Repair Shops in the Good Ole USofA...

"Widespread embrace of self-driving vehicles could eliminate 90% of all auto accidents in the U.S., prevent up to $190 billion in damages and health-costs annually and save thousands of lives, according to a new report by consulting firm McKinsey & Co."

Mass adoption of these Self-Driving Cars (to be known as "Autonomous Vehicles") will be upon us in 15 years. If we don't act now to become pro-active about this impending disaster, millions of body shop employees will be forced onto the unemployment lines & they & their children will be homeless on the streets of the Good Ole USofA.

Thank heaven our Senate is taking action even as I peck this out...

Ø Senator Foghorn Leghorn has proposed legislation that will require every owner of an Autonomous Vehicle to employ a former body shop employee to sit in each vehicle.

Ø The particulars of their employment are still being worked out by Senator Leghorn & his Save All Jobs No Matter What The Cost Sub-Committee but here is what we know thanks to an anonymous source on the committee who asked not to be identified because he is betraying a sworn oath he gave to Senator Leghorn that he would not become an anonymous source & do what he is doing anonymously.

Ø The non-drivers will be paid double the Minimum Wage, which is expected to be $75 per hour in 15 years because we all know that a family of 4 cannot be raised on a mere $75/hour.

Ø The non-drivers must be furnished with the latest Tablet Computer of their choice by the vehicle owner.

Ø These Tablet Computers will be loaded with a full complement of Premium Computer Games.

During his latest news conference the Honorable Senator was asked what was the reason the non-drivers were to be given access to the Computer Games. The anger was apparent on the Senator's face when he heard this question but he remained composed & responded as if the reporter's question was not as inane as he knew it to be by saying, "Son. Why, son. The games are essential because these non-drivers won't have anything to do. Without these games it is certain that many of them will go insane from boredom. The last thing we need in this country is a bunch of insane non-drivers in these self-driving vehicles. Why, they might start trying to push something or step on something or, heaven forbid, start trying to drive these non-driver vehicles! Then where would we be? I'll tell you where. We would be right back where we were before the advent of the driverless cars. We would start having vehicle collisions. Then we would have need for body shops & there would be no body shop workers to work in these body shops because all the former body shop workers are already gainfully employed in the front of these driverless cars where they have nothing to do!".

Once again Senator Leghorn has displayed his ability to make the obvious obvious.

Would I kid u?