Carbon Credits & Beyond

I normally create my own Foolishness but this idea came to me on a radio talk show today (12/18/07). Only the idea came to me. I have expanded the heck out of it. You might say I Foolished It Up...

We have all seen people who preach conservation but have a gigantic house, travel by private jet, own several big gas guzzling SUVs BUT portend that is not a problem because they have "Carbon Credits".

The person who they say this to says, "Oh, I understand". That person then goes home and says to their Spouse, Significant Other, Partner or whatever, "What's a Carbon Credit?"

If the person they are living with is Mr. Webster he informs them...
The word you've entered isn't in the dictionary. Click on a spelling suggestion below or try again using the search bar above.
Suggestions for carbon credit: 1. carbonic acid 2. carbon-dated 3. carbon-dates 4. carbuncled 5. carbon cycle 6. carbuncular 7. carbon dioxide 8. corporatized 9. carbolic acids 10. carbon paper 11. Kerry blue terrier 12. carbon black 13. Khirbet Qumran 14. Christocentric 15. combinatorial 16. carbolic acid 17. carpentered 18. Khirbat Qumran 19. corpora delicti 20. carbamic acid

It has taken me awhile to get around to my Foolishness...Or Is It? but here it is...

Why stop at Carbon Credit? Why not expand this ingenious idea to...
· Adultery Credit?
· Assault & Battery Credit?
· Perjury Credit?
· Embezzling Credit?
· Murder Credit?
· Child Molestation Credit?
· Cussing Credit?
· Bearing False Witness Credit?
· Dipping A Pig Tail In An Ink Well Credit?

Would I kid u?

The New Criminal

A New Criminal Element has emerged into our culture. Please allow me to illustrate...

• The scene is the penitentiary in Atlanta, GA.
• Four criminals are sitting at a table eating lunch.
• They start relating to each other what they did to warrant their being incarcerated.
• Butch says he was jailed because he killed his girlfriend and the guy she was eating lunch with at a Krystal's with a double barreled shotgun.
• Gus says he was sent up the river cuz he stole $12,000,000 from a couple in their 90's with a fraudulent stock scheme.
• Lefty says he was convicted after molesting small children for 25 years in a day care center he owned.
• Robert says he was caught taking a 20 minute shower.

That having been said, Butch, Gus and Lefty picked up their lunch trays and moved to another table.
Would I kid u?

Confused Congressman

I was dismayed when I heard on NPR today (11/15/07) that a member of Congress is very confused. This is very disheartening to me. I always like to think of Members of Congress as being in complete control and on top of all the issues of the day. I don't like feeling this way.

I did not catch the particular name of the Member of Congress I heard discussed but his statement was,
'...this government is corrupt, inept and is without the support of the Iraqi people'.
(As usual I used single quotes because I am not sure of the exact words but I did write them down as soon as I heard them spoken.)

I am certain the words he meant to speak were,
'...this government is corrupt, inept and is without the support of the American people'.

I'm sure you understand my concern.

Would I kid u?

Media Leaves Off Best Part

I have no axe to grind with either Isiah Thomas nor Anucha Browne Sanders concerning the case just closed that awarded Anucha $11,600,000 for the "crude insults and unwanted advances" from Isiah.

I do have a problem with the Mainstream News Media's handling of the outcome of this case.

After the announcement of the verdict yesterday (10/2/07) the Atlanta Journal Constitution reported...
"Outside court, a beaming Browne Sanders insisted her victory was more about sending a message than about the money. 'What I did here, I did for every working woman in America,' she said. 'And that includes everyone that gets up and goes to work in the morning, everyone working in a corporate environment'."

Here is where I get angry with the Mainstream News Media. The Media deliberately left off the rest of her statement. They left off the part where she goes on to say…"The victory is won. The money is not important. I am hereby directing my attorneys to take the entire $11,600,000 and donate it to charity."

Or did she say?..."I am hereby directing my attorneys to take the entire $11,600,000 and donate it to every working woman in America. A check for each of their shares of this victory will be in the mail by this coming weekend."

Would I kid u?

No Problems When The U.S. Was Born

A feeding frenzy is alive and growing by the minute In Washington D.C. Politicians are lining to blame someone about what is happening or not happening in Iraq. One of the most vicious attacks is aimed at Iraq's Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki. Our “fearless” politicians are good at blaming . They practice this "skill" a lot.

The members of our Congress can act this way because our own history was so clean and we came together as a country without a single hitch in our get-along.

Oh! Wait a minute! It just dawned on me that, in a book I read a few months ago (A Brilliant Solution by Carol Berkin), the statement I pecked out in the above paragraph might not be as accurate as it first seemed…

• “In 1787 our treasury was empty. Debts to foreign governments and debts to our own citizens could not be paid, and this was a blow to the nation’s honor as well as to its future credit.”
• “anarchy seemed to threaten”
• “These new ideas threatened a social revolution that would destroy not only their own fortunes but also the rule of law.”
• “All around them civil strife seemed to be erupting unchecked, and news of uprisings in western Pennsylvania, Virginia, and Massachusetts during the previous year shook the confidence not only of these wealthy men but also of Americans of all social classes.”
• “With no police force of any sort, military, or civil, the restoration of law and order was in doubt.”
• “Even worse, a political disorder on the highest levels had reached critical proportions.”
• “The cooperation among the states, forged in the 1770s and sustained during the war, had vanished with independence.”
• “Competition and exploitation reigned, and the revival of a fierce localism pitted Virginian against Marylander, New Yorker against New Jerseyite, Georgian against South Carolinian.”
• “The league of friendship called the Confederation that Americans had established as their first government grew more impotent, more lethargic, and more incompetent with every passing day”.
• “The nation was on the verge of self-destruction---or, worse, of simply fading away.”
• “Animated by a heartfelt ill will and rivalry, state legislators missed no opportunity to exploit the weaknesses of their neighbors. They rushed to enact tariffs and trade barriers, replacing the hated British restrictions with restrictions of their own.”
• “With duties to pay at every state border, even the most intrepid merchant or shipper found interstate commerce a nightmare.”
• “Connecticut and New Jersey were rumored to be planning a joint assault on New York.”
  

The book has a lot more examples of how we "got along" when we were a young country but my fingers are tired.

Would I kid u?

It Was Different When We Were Young

Today:
A mother looks at her child and says to her husband, "Looks like the teeth are coming in crooked". The husband says to the wife, "We are going to have to take a second mortgage on the home. I'm going to have to give up golf and you are going to have to give up the beauty parlor visits. I'll cancel the plans we were making for vacation this year. We are going to have to cancel the high-speed Internet connection and go back to dial-up. That ought to do it but we better keep a close eye on the finances for the next few years and we may have to revisit our expense pattern after we see how it is going".

When we were children:
A mother looks at her child and says to her husband, "Looks like the teeth are coming in crooked". The husband says to the wife, "Sure do, don't they. What's for supper?"

Would I kid u?

Congress Wasting Time

The Congress is wasting its time. They appear to believe that they can pass an amendment, pass a law, express a Sense of the Congress or such and something in the real world is affected by what they do. Today in our Senate (July 17, 2007) they passed the amendment shown below. It passed 94 to 3. It looks like 3 Senators did not have the guts to step up and cast their vote for this historical piece of legislation. They were probably hiding in the Cloak Room.

Senate Amendment 2100 Amends: H.R.1585 , S.AMDT.2011 Sponsor: Sen Cornyn, John [TX] (submitted 7/11/2007) (proposed 7/12/2007)
AMENDMENT PURPOSE: To express the sense of the Senate that it is in the national security interest of the United States that Iraq not become a failed state and a safe haven for terrorists.

Now that is brilliant, is it not? They can now vote to stop giving our military bullets, and with a straight face, 94 of them could say to their constituents, "I voted that Iraq not become a failed state and a safe haven for terrorists".

While they are on a roll, I would like them to do something about all the mosquitoes that keep biting The Folks Back Home. Here is what I propose:
· We have too many mosquitoes.
· We have lots of flies.
· I think they ought to propose that all our flies eat all our mosquitoes.

That makes as much sense as Amendment 2100.

Would I kid u?

Winston Churchill Politically Corrected

If Winston Churchill were still with us, do ya think he would be forced to be Politically Correct? If so it would probably look like this.

The Actual Directive...
Churchill's Directive to General Alexander Commander-in-Chief in the Middle East
1. Your prime and main duty will be to take or destroy at the earliest opportunity the German-Italian Army commanded by Field Marshal Rommel together with all its supplies and establishments in Egypt and Libya.
2. You will discharge or cause to be discharged such other duties as pertain to your command without prejudice to the task described at paragraph 1 which must be considered paramount in His Majesty’s interests.
WSC, 10 Aug 1942

Winston Churchill Politically Corrected...
1. Your prime and main duty will be to take or destroy at the earliest opportunity the terrorist throughout Afghanistan and Iraq commanded by Osama Bin Laden together with all their supplies and establishments in both countries.
2. You will discharge or cause to be discharged such other duties as pertain to your command without prejudice to the task described at paragraph 1 which must be considered paramount in Her Majesty’s interests.
3. It is of paramount importance you must not make anyone mad at us.
WSC, 29 June 2007

Would I kid u?

Quick Border Fence

Wanna know how the Border Fence could be built in a heart beat? It would be easy. Allow me to explain…

If the Mexican/U.S. Border were being crossed in huge numbers by Mexican Congressmen and Mexican Senators who were taking the positions in our Congress of our sitting Congressmen and Senators and our sitting Congressmen and Senators were losing their jobs, the Border Fence could be built darn near overnight.

Use your mind’s eye to picture with me for a moment...

• Members of Congress climbing all over the fence as it was being built.
• They are all sweaty but are refusing to take breaks as they work at a feverish pace.
• They all have Home Depot Aprons on their sweaty bodies.
• They have power tools in hand and other tools stored in their golf bags nearby ready for quick access.
• They have nails in their mouths ready for pounding.
• Diane Feinstein is standing guard holding a Tommy Gun and has two 357 Magnum Pistols strapped to her hips.
• They are chanting, “Hell no, we won’t press one for English!”

What a sight!

Would I kid u?

Pet Peeves

One of my pet peeves is I hate change for the sake of simplification or cute...especially Cute. Here are some old examples of such nonsense...

• Christmas changed to Xmas.
• Thanksgiving Day changed to Turkey Day.

Today I read in the newspaper about the latest and maybe the worst...

• The Fourth of July changed to Weenie Day.

Would I kid u?

Deadly Pursuits

Deadly Pursuits…

The Atlanta Journal Constitution on March 5, 2007 ran an article about Police Pursuits. It seems that some of us are concerned that these pursuits are dangerous. It is being purposed that the police be prohibited from engaging in pursuits of criminals or, at a minimum, the policeman be required to call off the pursuit if said pursuit become dangerous.

“Becomes Dangerous” … that is an interesting phrase. When will a pursuit become dangerous? Seems plain enough to me. They become dangerous when the police officer gets to the point in the pursuit where the pursued is about to be caught up with. This is an easy fix…

• Police officers should be required to run slower.
• More specifically, police officers who have the ability to run fast, should not even be hired because adrenalin might take over and, even if they are trying to run slowly, they may get caught up in the heat of the moment and run too fast and find themselves in a dangerous situation.

My Foolishness…Or Is It juices are flowing. Allow me to carry this a little further. I can just see the defense attorney making this impassioned plea…

“Your honor, everyone in this courtroom is well aware of the inalienable right of a criminal to run away. My client fully intended to run away. He was intent on doing this, not simply to get away with his ill-gotten gains, but to avoid a situation that would have endangered the police officer. As my, well meaning, client was about to make his get away, another police officer appeared on the scene and blocked his route of escape. This second police officer’s appearance deprived my client of his planned escape. I ask you to throw this case out of court because my client was deprived of his right to run away. I’m sure this is expressly stated in the constitution somewhere and, if it is not, it should be.”

Would I kid u?

Required Reading

Today I was reading the Gwinnett Daily Post & I found myself in a pickle.

The Gwinnett Daily Post is a small newspaper in our County of Gwinnett. It is one of those newspapers papers that is sometimes thrown onto your front lawn for free in the hope that you will like it, read it and subscribe to it. They do not know everything like the Atlanta Journal Constitution does, but they try.

As I was looking through it I read an article that had grey box at the top that was labeled MUST READ. I then looked through the rest of the Gwinnett Daily Post & found that there was another article with the same MUST READ Reading Requirement on top. This got me to thinking...

• Is this a Federal Law passed by the U.S. Congress? (You know how they are always looking out for our well being.)
• I am not sure why I am required by law to read an article headlined, "FBI revisiting decades-old civil rights cases, including Monroe lynchings".
• I felt very uneasy as I wavered on the precipice of whether I should or really had to read the article.
• If I did not read the MUST READ article, would "they" know?
• If "they" would know, how would “they” know?
• Are "they" watching us as we read newspapers?
• Are "they" watching me as I peck out this foolishness?

It started to get the best of me. To be on the safe side, I read the articles. Better safe than sorry.
Would I kid you?

Concern For The Blind

There is always someone or some group against anything and everything...

This was part of an article on the Net the week February 11, 2007.

“As hybrid sales skyrocket, there's a growing concern that the battery-gas powered vehicles pose a risk because they aren't as noisy as gas-only engines.

A hybrid emits less than three decibels of noise when starting up, a level hard to pick up with the human ear. A hybrid clipping along at 35 miles per hour emits 75 decibels.

Three years ago, the National Federation of the Blind raised concerns that electric cars and hybrids pose special dangers to people who rely on their hearing to cross a street. The group asked the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration to research the effect of quiet cars on pedestrians. The group suggested some sort of noise be added to hybrids, perhaps by having the radiator fan switch on whenever the car is operating by battery, to alert people walking nearby.”

I became concerned when I read this. I don’t wanna be perceived as anti-blind. I do remember seeing a blind person attempting to walk across a street back in 1966. I would hate to have endangered that poor fellow.

As a result of my concern for that 1966 walking blind guy, my marriage of 43 years may now be in jeopardy. My wife drives a Toyota Prius. Having realized how I was being so blind to the blind, I went straight to the garage and put 3 marbles under each of her 4 wheel covers.

She is really mad at me but I have inner peace.

Would I kid u?