Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Congress Fixes Another Thorny Issue

Check out that Domino behind the Domino you are about to push over before you push it over. Dominos are very heavy & almost impossible to pick back up.

Congress takes note that all those 18 Wheelers on our highways are causing lots of problems...

  • They tear up our highway system requiring us to have to pay huge sums to maintain & repair them.
  • Highways are more expensive to begin with because of the extra durability that must be constructed into them because of the heavy duty wear & tear they inflict on the roadbeds.
  • They take up a lot of room causing tremendous traffic congestion.
  • They kill lots of people every year in all the accidents they are involved in & they actually cause many of the accidents in the first place.
  • They pollute & pollute & pollute some more.

Congress springs into action and bans all 18 Wheelers from our Interstate Highway System.

Immediately Dominos fall all over Congress...

  • Overnight there is a shortage of darn near everything in the Good Ole USofA that those Big Trucks used to deliver.
  • Congress reacts by telling the business community to construct manufacturing plants all over the Good Ole USofA.
  • Senator Foghorn Leghorn looks the Transportation Industry right in their formerly rich faces & tells them, “Why should you have all this manufacturing capability spread all over? It does not make sense! Building your Widgets right across the street from the consumers makes all the sense in the world!”
  • The Transportation Industry complies & builds thousands of new manufacturing plants but overnight there is a shortage of workers caused by all these new manufacturing facilities.
  • Congress enacts a plan to go into Africa & capture people & bring them over to the Good Ole USofA to work in the many factories.
  • Some people call these new workers Slaves. Others call them Relocated Staffing.
  • Since many of the new factories are seasonal a problem arises where the factory workers must constantly be moved around the country to man the different seasonal assembly lines.
  • Again Congress saves the day by authorizing thousands of 18 Wheelers to transport the workers.
  • Since the trucks are everywhere going everywhere, Congress authorizes the trucks to carry toothpaste, tomatoes, widgets & such.
  • The commodities authorized to be transported grows dramatically until there is no room for workers.

How to get the workers from place to place is still up in the air but we do not have to worry about that because Congress has set up a Blue Ribbon Panel to study the issue. Anonymous Sources inside the committee tell us that the committee is leaning heavily toward authorizing a lot more 18 Wheelers.

Remember the Yellow Cab Slogan. “A Thinking Fellow Rides A Yellow”? Watching Congress function is like it was operating a cab company called Circle Cabs & its slogan is, “A Thinking Fellow Rides Around In Circles”.

Would I kid u?



Sunday, October 19, 2014

The Proverbial Slippery Slope Is Alive & Well

There was a time when a female showed her ankle in public and all who saw it were shocked. That bare ankle slid down the Slippery Slope and next thing we knew we are hearing dialog like this on Jimmy Kimmel Live...

Earlier this week, Portia De Rossi appeared on her wife Ellen DeGeneres' eponymous talk show to discuss her role on Scandal and to dispel ongoing reports that they're secretly planning to have a baby. The 41-year-old actress readdressed both topics when she appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live! Thursday.

"It's been a while," Jimmy Kimmel told her. "I haven't seen you for a little bit of time." De Rossi replied, "Actually, I think the last time we saw each other, we were in bed together. It was you, me and Ellen."

"My first and only threesome," the late-night comedian joked.”

Later on he asked his guest about "rumors that [she] and Ellen are going to have a baby. Is there anything to that?"

Groaning, de Rossi said, "Oh, I know. I know. Oh, gosh. It's just one big rumor that doesn't seem to go away, and at this point, I feel like I'm disappointing the whole of America”...

This from The Fella to Portia De Rossi...

Do you think you are so important that the whole of America is hanging on your every move or not move? Actually most of us do not even know who you are and, now that we do, we don’t really care whether you move or don’t move.

I for one had never heard of Portia De Rossi till now. Don’t email me back and tell me who she is. I can Google her but I probably already know all I want to know about her.

Reminds me of the time Dr. Watson told Sherlock Holmes that the Moon revolved around the Earth. Sherlock replied that, until this point in his life, he had never heard of this fact and now that he had heard it he was going to forget it because he did not need to know it.

That’s the way The Fella feels about Portia De Rossi & her moves & not moves. I understand that Portia De Rossi does not care about The Fella’s moves & not moves but, after much soul searching, I have decided I can handle it.

Would I kid u?



Friday, October 17, 2014

Sorry, Mr. President, We’re Too Busy Right Now To Comply With Your Request

As much as I try to stay Apolitical, some of you may have figured out my political leanings but I will persist in trying to stay Blog Neutral in this posting.

Actually, I am going to ask each of you to forget your own political leanings and read this Blog Posting as if you do not know which way you lean.

Global Warming

One Side of the Argument:

The Polar Ice Caps ARE NOT Melting & Are Bigger Now Than They Have Ever Been

Other Side of the Argument:

The Polar Ice Caps Are Melting & By Next Thursday You Will Be Sorry You Ever Doubted This Obvious Fact

Whichever side you find yourself on I ought to be able to get you all to agree with this bit of my Foolishness...

I just read in my newspaper that our Secretary of Defense has plans to, “Retool the military to stop glaciers from melting”.

If you think this is a good idea think about it again using the 3 bullets below as your guide...

  • The bad guys just made an amphibious attack through San Francisco Bay.
  • The President calls up the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff and orders him to get the military over there and repel the invasion.
  • The Chairman says, “Golly Mr. President, this is awful! Under normal circumstances I would be more than glad to comply with your request but all my Trained & Ready for Battle Worriers are all at the poles manning the Ice Cube Making Machines.”

I guess I’m from the old school. I always thought the military was supposed to go around breaking things.

Would I kid u?



Monday, October 13, 2014

There, I’ve Covered That One. Now I’ll Move On To The Next One

As you watch the nightly news, did you ever get the feeling that you have heard what you are hearing before and there is a familiar structure to all of it?

If you have not had the feeling described above, you should have had it because it happens every night.

The TV Networks use a check list over and over. At present it looks like this...

  • Ebola...Ebola...Ebola.
  • All things ISIS.
  • Polls ad nauseam that instruct us as to what we should think, now that we know what others think.
  • Latest Child Molestation Story.
  • The Upcoming Election (there is always an Upcoming Election). No matter how far away the next one is, it is the Next One, so we speculate, palpate, obsess and worry about it.
  • The latest Record Drug Bust which breaks the record for Record Drug Busts set two nights ago.
  • Boots on the Ground. Boots that ought to be on the Ground. How many Boots would be on the Ground if they were actually on the Ground? When will the Boots be on the Ground? Why are the Boots not on the Ground? How many Boots need we have on the Ground before we have too many Boots on the Ground? What will be the average size of the Boots on the Ground once they actually do get on the Ground?

Back in the Archives next to Indiana Jones’ Lost Arc is the Old Check List that TV News Broadcasters used years ago before Good News became No News. It looked something like this...

  • The latest inventions that will be of great benefit to all of us.
  • Teasers about what we could expect on Ozzie & Harriet that night.
  • Why Charitable Donations continue to be of such importance to the very fabric of this Great Country.
  • Now that the price of Sliced Boiled Ham has gone over $.27 a pound, will Americans start eating Steak instead of Ham?
  • Is that Buckle on the Back that teenagers are wearing on the back of their trousers a precursor to teens walking around with their pants falling down with most of their underwear showing?

Would I kid u?



Friday, October 10, 2014

People Who Put Up Signs Sometimes Confuse Me

I am a person who writes a Blog that sometimes confuses people. The people who put up signs are trying to get even with me.

The picture below was taken in Rosemary Beach, FL by The Fella. Do you see why I am confused?


I have devoted a whole bunch of thought to the No Climbing Sign in the Climbing Thingies Park. Here is what I have come up with...

  • Have you noticed, as I have noticed, that these Climbing Parks are often empty?
  • More often than not, when they are not empty, they are being used by very young children.
  • The very young are in there because they have not yet learned to read.
  • Once the little kiddies learn to read, they understand that they are prohibited from going in and having fun.

Congress ought to do something about this situation and, since they are all caught up with their Post Office Naming Responsibilities, I pray they are about to jump all over this one.

Would I kid u?



Tuesday, October 07, 2014

Newton's First Law Is, “An Object At Rest Tends To Stay At Rest” ... The 21st Century’s Finest Example Of Newton’s First Law Is A Member Of Congress

Members of Congress begin to take their Membership in Congress for granted after about 7 weeks. A fine example of the Smartfella’s Law of Inertia follows…

Congressional Record
111th Congress (2009-2010)

Congressional Record article 11 of 354

CONGRATULATING SENATOR ROBERT C. BYRD -- (Senate - November 18, 2009)

Mr. ALEXANDER. Mr. President, I am glad I had the opportunity to hear the comments of the Senator from Iowa on Senator Byrd. We all have enormous respect for Senator Byrd. I had a chance this morning to say a word about him and to reflect on, among other things, that when I first came here as a young aide 42 years ago to Senator Baker, Senator Byrd had already been here for 10 years as a Senator.

Did you pay attention to what you just read? Did you take note that the 42 Year Guy said “42 Years Ago” & “had already been here for 10 years as a Senator” before the 42 Year Guy first entered the building?

The English Language was never used any better in the history of the British Parliament as when Leo Amery addressed Prime Minister Chamberlain & his Cohorts in 1940...

“You have sat too long here for any good you have been doing. Depart, I say, and let us have done with you. In the name of God, go!”

Leo Amery in 1940 was almost exactly quoting Oliver Cromwell from 1653.

I wish someone would deliver an almost exact quote patterned after Messrs. Amery and Cromwell’s words to our current Congress.

The sad part is there isn’t a chance in hell our Current Congress would do as requested because 1% of the average American is a Millionaire but just over 50% of Members of Congress are Millionaires.

I tried to Google how many of them were already millionaires before they were elected but could not find out that bit of information.

What? You think I made the above “The sad part...” paragraph up? How could you think that of me? Click this link...

Would I kid u?



Saturday, October 04, 2014

Staring Is A Thing Of The Past

Staring is definitely a lost art. There was a time when we all used to stare and think nothing of it. I am sorry to say we don’t know how to stare any longer.

Back in the old days a person would go into a doctor office, a dentist office or a bank and sit down and stared while waiting to be seen. A lot of the world’s bright ideas and significant life changing plans of action occurred while we did nothing but stare...

  • Beethoven was riding on a horse drawn trolley when it dawned on him that four symphonies were not enough.
  • General Eisenhower was sitting in the dentist office when he came up with the idea that Normandy was the place for the Normandy Invasion.
  • Alexander the Great, who had always had a feeling that he was a bit cramped, decided that Macedonia needed to be expanded to India.
  • Doctor Jonas Salk, who had been working on a cure for Homesickness, was sipping a cappuccino and staring at the wall in front of him in the Higher Grounds Coffee Shop when it dawned on him that a cure for Polio just might a better path to travel.

Ah yes, the world was doing OK and making slow but steady progress up and until the point where Steve Jobs introduced his new gadget.

The invention of the Smartphone changed everything. Now we sit and immediately take out our modern pocket electronic wonder toys and...

  • We surf the net for earth shaking information or miscellaneous trivia.
  • We shop for significant purchases or for things we don’t need (it boggles the mind to contemplate how many more pairs of shoes Imelda Marcos could have owned if the Internet had been invented).
  • Sometimes we just poke at it to see where it will take us.

This Blog Posting has now progressed to the point where the Smartfella would probably peck out, “That’s Progress”. If he did, he would probably have a little more pecking left in him and he would go on to peck... “Or is it?”

Would I kid u?