Thursday, November 26, 2015

Funny Things Come In Twos

My Blog is named Foolishness...Or Is It? The first of my two twos is going to strike many of you as shear unmitigated silly foolishness because it is so far out that you are going to shout at your computer, “He made that up! That could not have happened!”


  • I was crossing a street yesterday on a four lane road.
  • There were two cars stopped on my left waiting for the light to change as I walked by.
  • Both cars were occupied by young good looking ladies.
  • Since they were both young good looking ladies, I looked at them.
  • Neither one of them was talking on or pecking at their Smartphones.

I just heard the mockery out there in Blog World. Many of you are jeering at me for daring to think that I could make you think it is possible to find two drivers of automobiles anywhere in the Good Ole USofA who are not on their Smartphones.

This is a cross I have to bear. If I am going to be world famous as a Blogger of Note, I have to accept the fact that, no matter how true what I peck out is, there are many that will not believe me.


The second of my twos (actually it is two twos) is easier to believe because each of you will instantly see the absolute necessity of spending this two.

My sources in Washington, D.C. have told me on the Condition of Anonymity that President Obama is preparing to issue an Executive Order outlawing all use of Cell Phones in the Good Ole USofA.

He is fully cognizant of the biggest problem his action is going to create & he is borrowing from China the sum of Two Billion Dollars to teach Americans how to again drive with two hands on their steering wheels.

Would I kid u?


Monday, November 23, 2015

Oh Darn! I Violated My Warranty!

I don’t want to imply that the packaging around products we buy today is too hard to get into but what I really want to say is the packaging around products we buy today is too hard to get into.
The above paragraph may have confused you but imagine how confused I was when the following happened to me after I opened the packaging that contained my new Widgit & found I had a problem because I was missing a component.
I called Widgit Customer Service & the call went something like this...
  • Widgit: “Widgit Customer Service. How may I help you today?”
  • Me: “Hi. I sure hope so. After I opened the packaging containing my new Widgit I found I was missing the charging cable.”
  • Widgit: “Excuse me, sir. Would you repeat that?”
  • Me: “After I opened the packaging containing my new Widgit I found I was missing the charging cable.”
  • Widgit: “Sir! That is impossible. We go to great expense to make sure that our packaging cannot be gotten into. This is the first time I have ever heard of anyone breaching our packaging. Our Penetration Prevention Engineers are going to be devastated by this news!”
  • Me: “Well it was not easy but with the help of a set of channel locks, a jig saw, a scissors & my next door neighbor who is a professional wrestler I got in there. It took an hour and a half but I got in there.”
  • Widgit: “Sir, because of your rash actions, I must inform you that you have violated the terms of your Widgit Extremely Limited Warranty. You, sir, are up the creek without a paddle.”
  • Me: “I don’t understand. Am I not within my rights to use the product I paid good money for?”
  • Widgit: “Of course not! If we had wanted to allow you to actually use this product, we would not have gone to all the trouble & expense to design packaging which is obviously intended to be bullet proof & which you & your burley neighbor went out of your way to destroy! Sir, I would like to help you but you have made you bed & now you are going to have to lie in it!”
He was right. I should have known better.
OK, I admit I made up this whole call to Widgit Customer Service...Or did I?
Would I kid u?

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Coffee Coffee Everywhere But Not A Drop To Drink

There was a time when we in the Good Ole USofA just drank our coffee & we paid no attention to our coffee.

Then Coffee Experts started telling us Coffee Was Bad for Us & later Coffee Will Kill Us.

This went on for decades.

Earlier this year we were told that coffee might not be bad for us after all.

Now we being told if we don’t drink coffee we will die. Click here...

Next time I meet up with a Coffee Expert I just might punch him in his smart nose.

Would I kid u?


Lagniappe: If you have not had enough of me for the day, read 2 other Blog Postings I did about Coffee...


Sunday, November 15, 2015

I Can’t Believe What That Talking Head Just Said To Me Through My TV

This is not a quote but it went something like this... It is a shame that this country, with all its wealth, does nothing for the poor.

I have heard in the past that there are 82 Federal Programs that are intended to help the poor. I did some research & could not find a link to 82 Federal Programs but I stumbled upon a listing of Aid Programs in the State of Rhode Island.

As further explanation, I added small print to those programs where the name gave little or no hint as to what the program actually does...

Ø Child Care Subsidy Program

Ø Head Start

Ø Early Head Start

Ø Supplemental Nutrition Program

Ø Summer Food Service Program

Ø Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women Infants and Children

Ø Other Food Assistance...Meal Sites & Food Pantries around the state.

Ø Free/Reduced Meals

Ø Dental Care

Ø Emergency Medical Assistance...Individuals that meet the eligibility criteria for one of the Medical Assistance Programs (seniors, people with disabilities, children and parents) but who are ineligible for benefits because of immigrant status (including undocumented individuals,

Ø Free Clinics

Ø General Public Assistance Medical... Provides limited medical coverage to individuals who are disabled longer than 30 days and unable to work. 

Ø Hospital Free Care

Ø Katie Beckett Program... Provides medical coverage through the Medical Assistance Program to children with serious disabilities so they can live with their parents instead of in an institution.

Ø Medical Assistance for Women with Breast or Cervical Cancer

Ø Medicare Premium Payment Programs

Ø Community Health Centers

Ø Medicaid - Adults 65+ and people with disabilities

Ø RIte Care/RIte Share... For families with low income, all family members may be eligible for RIte Care/Rite Share (Medicaid).  For families with moderate income, children will be eligible for Rite Care and the parent(s) may be able to enroll in coverage through HealthSource RI and receive federal and state assistance to help buy a commercial health insurance plan.  Similarly, pregnant women may be eligible for Rite Care/RIte Share if income is within the limits or for help purchasing commercial coverage.

Ø RI Pharmaceutical Assistance for Elderly Program

Ø Hospital-based Primary Care

Ø Community Mental Health Centers

Ø Other Health Coverage... residents who are not eligible for other health insurance can purchase family or individual health and/or dental coverage directly from Blue Cross & Blue Shield of Rhode Island (BCBSRI).

Ø Prescription Assistance

Ø Medicaid - Adults 19-64

Ø HealthSource RI... Affordable Health Coverage Property Tax Relief Circuit Breaker Program.

Ø Rental Assistance

Ø Emergency Shelters

Ø Child Care Tax Credit

Ø Child Support

Ø Child Tax Credit

Ø Earned Income Tax Credit (EITC)

Ø General Public Assistance (GPA)... Time-limited cash assistance to individuals who are disabled.

Ø Rhode Island Works Program... Cash assistance to families with children up to age 18 and work readiness services for enrolled parents.

Ø Supplemental Security Income (SSI)

Ø Unemployment Insurance

Ø Temporary Caregiver Insurance Program (TCI)

Ø Temporary Disability Insurance Program (TDI)

Ø Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program

Ø Telephone Assistance Lifeline Program

Up until I researched for this blog posting, I did not realize that Nothing could be So Many.

Would I kid u?


Wednesday, November 11, 2015

I Ought To Post This One Every November 11th

This posting refers back to two separate Foolishness...Or Is It? postings on the same subject. The first reiterates the Ignorance of Mankind & the second asks you to think about a Very Sobering Question.

First Posting...

The Last Day of World War One

The day humankind proved it is not too smart … again.

When did the First World War end? Many of you just said to yourselves…The 11th Hour of the 11th Day of the 11th Month of 1918. It sounds like that was scripted by Hollywood.
The most awful part of the story is that the armistice was signed at 5am on November 11th but was not effective until 11am and the fighting continued for those last six hours between 5am and 11am.
After the war, in a Congressional Hearing, General Pershing blamed Marshal Foch but many said that, at the time, Pershing appeared to be gung ho about the last assaults.
These were full frontal assaults as vicious as any on any other day of the war.
The Germans were shocked when the assaults started but defended against them with all that they had.
During these six hours, thousands of men were wounded or killed fighting for land on which they could have casually strolled smoking a cigarette at 11:01am on the 11th Day of the 11th Month of 1918.
I wish I were kidding you.


Second Posting...

No Foolishness, As My Mind Wanders Through This One

After you read below, I will invite you to ask yourself a very sobering question.

I published “The last day of World War One” commentary on April 23, 2008. It was about how WWI continued for six hours after the armistice was signed at 5 A.M. on November 11, 1918.

At present I am reading a book by Joseph E. Persico entitled 11th Month, 11th Day, 11th Hour. The quoted excerpt that follows is from page 3 of this book…

"The captain read the message twice. It must be a mistake. True, the night before, the U.S. 26th Division had received Field Order 105 to attack at 9:30 this morning. But at 9:10, just as they had been checking their ammunition and fixing their bayonets, word came that the armistice had been signed. Hostilities were to cease at 11 A.M. The attack had been cancelled. And here was another message telling the captain that the assault had been reinstated. His watch showed 10:30. A half hour remained in the war."

Now for the sobering question ... If you were this captain, what would you have done?

Would I kid u?


Monday, November 09, 2015

Would You Believe...This Is The Reason We Did What We Did?

The above Subject was put together in loving memory of Maxwell Smart from the TV Show, Get Smart. If you did not accept his explanation about something (a lie) he would say, “Would you believe...?” & then present you with an alternative explanation (another lie).

Our Federal Bureau of Prisons eliminated Roast Pork from the menu of its 122 prisons (decision reversed a week later). Immediately many in the Good Ole USofA jumped on this decision as a concession to Muslim Prisoners who might be offended if anyone anywhere in the dining hall was eating Roast Pork, especially if that anyone was actually enjoying the Roast Pork &, therefore, insulting the prophet.

Warden Maxwell Smart immediately issued a statement saying the reason for the removal had nothing to do with Muslims, Enjoyment &/or Prophets but, “Would you believe, the prison population had been surveyed & pork was their least favorite food?”

I don't mean to be picky (I really do) but, if you continued to take surveys of what foods prisoners like to eat, there would always be a least favorite food. If you always eliminate the least favorite food from their menu they would eventually get down to a single food item.

The last 2 would probably be Steak & Lobster.

Let them pick one of the 2 & the remaining one would be their favorite (& only) food. The prisoners would then be treated to their favorite food at every sitting & we would be happy too because we do want our prison community to be happy & eating their favorite food would make them very happy...Or would it?

This Single Selection would also save a lot of confusion in the kitchen. Can’t you just see this happening in the kitchen?...

  • Nestor: OK, Cookie, what are we going to prepare to serve today?
  • Cookie: Steak.
  • Nestor: That’s the same thing we have served for the last 1,212 consecutive days for Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner.
  • Cookie: Our Prison Community was offered a choice between Lobster & Steak & they said they hated Lobster.
  • Nestor: They did not say they hated Lobster. They were offered a choice between Lobster & Steak & they chose Steak.
  • Cookie: That’s the same as saying they hated Lobster.
  • Nestor: Oh, I understand.

That last bullet above is why Nestor has been the 3rd Assistant to the 5th Assistant Cook for the last 22 years.

Would I kid u?


Lagniappe: Partly because the Muslim Community said they were against elimination of Roast Pork, the Bureau of Prisons has decided to bring back Roast Pork. The Muslims did not want to be blamed for the demise of Roast Pork. Now someone has to protest on behalf of our porkless prisoners to bring back the other pork products that our prisoners are being deprived of... "Edmond Ross, a spokesman for the prison bureau, said that during the past two years, bacon, pork chops, and sausage had been removed from the prison menus."

The Fella personally believes that having to live without sausage is Cruel & Unusual Punishment.

Saturday, November 07, 2015

How To Get Elected President Of The United States

Here is what happens...

  • In the early months of the year before the actual election, Dudley Do Right clip_image002announces his candidacy for President of the United States.
  • Hardly anyone pays attention except lots of articles are written telling the voting public that no one is paying attention.
  • Dudley works very hard to get the voting public to pay attention to him.
  • One day his campaign catches fire & he starts moving up in the polls.
  • Land O Goshen! all of a sudden the voting public pays attention & Dudley is declared The Front Runner!
  • The next day the attacks start & the voting public is told that he is an awful person, he did awful things in grammar school, he was not popular in high school, he was seen by an unnamed source jumping over a turnstile in the New York City subway, he dipped Peggy Sue’s pig tail in the ink well on his desk on multiple occasions & one time he stole a Twinkie for a convenience store.
  • The next day he loses his Front Runner Designation either because he vehemently defends himself which we are told proves he is guilty or because he says nothing which we are told proves he is guilty.

Oh yea, back to the Subject of this Foolishness, I need to tell you How To Get Elected President Of The United States...

  • Wait till 2 days before the election itself to announce your candidacy.
  • Hope to catch fire the next day.
  • Get elected the next day before the news media finds out about Peggy Sue.

There you are! You are now the most powerful man in the world. You are smart. People step aside as you approach & stare admiringly as you walk by. You are POTUS!

The next day the news media finds out about Peggy Sue & you become Snidley Whiplash clip_image004& you are officially declared Toast.

The next day the Impeachment Proceedings start.

Have I just squashed your heretofore lifelong desire to be Dudley?

Would I kid u?