Friday, January 30, 2015

The Japanese Ought To Follow Our Lead

My newspaper tells me that Japan is having a Shrinking Population Problem. The crux of the problem is the fact that Japanese women are only having 1.4 children.

Even those of us who are opposed to Abortion are perplexed about what position we should take when a Japanese woman chooses to abort four tenths of a baby.

My news article said, Japan's Shrinking Population Problem is magnified because Out of Wedlock Births are uncommon in Japan.

There where we can be of help in fixing this pressing issue for Japan. We have Out of Wedlock Birthing down to a science.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(113)

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

What’s The Matter With “A Whole Bunch”?

The forecast for a recent holiday weekend was that 54.7 Million people would be on the highways & byways of the good Ole USofA.

How do they know that it’s going to be such a precise big number?

I heard you try & put me in my rightful place. I heard you say to yourself, "That's easy, Fella, they put a whole bunch of Bureaucrats with clip boards beside every interstate highway, state highway, street & goat path in the Good Ole USofA & counted them as they went by".

Yea, smart guy, I know that's what they (whoever "they" are) do but how do they do it before it is done?

Why did they just not just say, “A Whole Bunch of People Are Going To Be On The Highways & Byways This Coming Weekend”?

I would found that easier to believe.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(156)

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Can You Hear Me Now?

Throughout history we have had Ages...Bronze Age, Iron Age, Industrial Age, Middle Ages, Age of Discovery, Age of Enlightenment, Machine Age, Atomic Age, Information Age, etc. Even if you were not as observant as I am, (there is a darn good chance that you are not) you must have noticed that America is deep into The Talking Age.

Cell phone talking people are all around us. They talk while walking. They talk on exercise machine in the gym. They talk on nature trails as they walk along ignoring nature. They talk while at stoplights. They talk while driving down streets, highways & interstates giving a new resurgence to the fear created by Ralph Nader's 1965 book, "Unsafe At Any Speed"...

image

However, there is a fly in this ointment (whatever that means). The talking people are running out of people to talk to.

It is simply a matter of Supply & Demand. The people they want to talk to are already talking to other people. We are seeing evidence of this growing phenomena every day...

  • More & more rescue squads are being sent into the Nature Tails referred to above to bring out stranded walkers who ran out of people to talk to while they were walking. As a society we are finding out that many of us have lost the ability to walk without talking. The rescuers are finding the walkers just standing out there with a look on their faces akin to somewhere between confusion and downright fear. Many times they are found in a severe state of dehydration.
  • Some of us find we are unable to push down on the accelerator pedal without first making phone contact with another talking person. Many people have stayed in their garages for hours while the franticly dial every phone number in their address books. Husbands have come home from work only to find their wives weeping uncontrollably with the car in reverse but without the ability to back out of the garage.
  • One of the strangest cases of this phenomena happened recently in Altoona, PA. A driver finished a call & had overcome the initial urge to panic between calls & continued to navigate down the road. In an unthinking moment the driver put its phone hand on the steering wheel. The shock of seeing both hands on the steering wheel at the same time cause a panic reflex action & the driver swerved the car off the road. Thankfully the two walking talkers on the sidewalk were not hit but they were very shook up as the car careened past them into a weeping willow tree.

Actually the sainted Steve Jobs saw this unsettling situation coming before he went up to take over God’s Information Technology Department. After his death one of his minions found the plans on his drawing board for a Conversational Siri.

This next generation Siri will be able to hold conversations with the Walking Driving Talking People around the world who find themselves without a listener.

When a talker runs out of people to talk to, for a small fee the panicked talker can call 1-800-SiriYou (800-747-4968) & be connected with Conversational Siri & chat to their heart's content.

Actually, although I did not see it at the time, I was shown a glimpse of Steve Job's genius on my first contact with Siri. I was not sure what the word for Siri was & I mistakenly started my question by saying Sorry instead of Siri. Siri came right back at me & said, "No need to apologize...".

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(640)

Lagniappe: Steve Jobs in the Apple...

image

Design created by Jonathan Mak is a student at Hong Kong’s Polytechnic University School of Design

(At last count two other "creators" of the logo are lawyering up.)

Thursday, January 15, 2015

How Can Dumb Be Considered So Smart?

I'm surrounded by people smarter than I am. It is starting to get to me. I think I know what I think I know but I can't be right because the smart people surrounding me are in positions of power &/or are paid a lot of money, so I must be wrong...Or am I?

Confused by my nifty lead in to this bit of Foolish Wisdom? Good! I have your attention. Allow me to explain.

I have not been very active spewing out my foolishness lately, but while I have been quiet, the world around us has been going nuts.

Amongst all the nuttiness there has been an awful lot of violence. When the world gets into this kind of tiller, the Smart Ones in the News Media explain it all to us.

Example #1 of why Stupid Ain't Smart...

Ø One of the 2 brothers that attacked that Sarcastic Publication in Paris was arrested on suspicion of being a terrorist in 2005.

Ø He was convicted of Terrorism Charges in 2008.

Ø Did you understand what you just read?

Ø I'll repeat... He Was Convicted Of Terrorism Charges.

Ø The French Judicial System Released Him For Time Served While Awaiting The Trail That Convicted Him.

That's right. They went to all the trouble of arresting, holding & convicting so they could let him go free.

Is it possible that the French Judicial System is related to the U.S. Judicial System?

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Example #2 of why Stupid Ain't Smart...

Ø Over in France there is this guy who is being referred to as the #1 Recruiter for al Qaeda in Paris.

Ø He has been busy doing more than recruiting.

Ø He was convicted of plotting to blow up the U.S. Embassy in Paris.

Ø As a result of his conviction, he was put under House Arrest.

Ø At this time the French Authorities do not know where he is.

Apparently no one checked to see if the house he was arrested into had a back door.

The French Judicial System must be related to the U.S. Judicial System!

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Example #3 of why Stupid Ain't Smart...

I was watching CNN the other day & I heard a Pretty Talking Head ask the following question, "Do you think another attack is possible?"

This mental midget is paid to be Pretty & to Say The News. I believe she is capable of handling both of these responsibilities. She has the Pretty Part Down Pat & Saying The News from a teleprompter ain't that hard.

What I don't think she is capable of doing is thinking. If she were able to think, she would have said, "Do you think another attack is coming before next Thursday?"

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Since this is the Bottom, I will tell you The Bottom Line... The French are getting Real Tough & Real Serious about terrorism now, but before they became Tough & Serious, they were Real Stupid.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(517)

Lagniappe: If Inspector Clouseau were alive, he would be turning over in his grave.

Wednesday, January 14, 2015

I'm Not Supposed To Be Smart But They Are

"Islamist Hack Hits U.S. Military Accounts; Documents Posted"

Above is the headline of an article in my newspaper on 1/13/15. What the heck is going on? Is there not anything we can believe in anymore?

Think I am overreacting? Here are a few examples from a long & growing list of organizations we no longer believe in...

Ø The Internal Revenue Service

Ø The Secret Service

Ø The Federal Bureau of Investigation

Ø Oregon's Football Team Has Molded Itself Into An Unbeatable Force

The Military is responsible for protecting us from the bad guys. Now we find out that they have been hacked & the article says they may have been hacked by amateurs…"Officials are still examining how the breach occurred. Hackers may simply have guessed a weak password".

There are several key words in the above quote that ought to give all of us pause (whatever that means)...

Ø "Simply"... Simply ought not to come into play when it comes to protecting us from the bad guys.

Ø "Guessed"... What game are we playing here, charades?

Ø "Weak Password"... Weak is not what the Military is supposed to be about. Oh well, don't worry the bad guys are probably weak also... Or are they?

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Now from my, "And Furthermore Department"...

What the heck is our Military doing with Twitter & YouTube Account anyway? This is silly stuff for those of us who have nothing better to do. The Military is supposed to have something better to do.

I must backtrack a bit here because I just saw a Pentagon News Conference and the sadness & distress I saw on General Bombast's face moved me to feel his pain as I heard him say, "I am so disappointed! I was looking forward to sharing with the world that video of my grandchild Hercules as he slid down that chute chute with that big smile on his face as he ate his peanut butter & jelly sandwich".

I can see the cynicism on your collective faces at what I pecked out in the paragraph above. You think I made up General Bombast & his sadness & his distress & the only thing real in that entire paragraph was the existence of the peanut butter & jelly sandwich. You may be right but, if it were true, it would be true.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(457)

Lagniappe: Does it make you uneasy the way I so often say I can read your minds & emotions as I did with my reference to your collective cynicism above? If I were you it would make me uneasy. OK I'll admit I can't read your minds & emotions... Or can I?

Thursday, January 08, 2015

Shaken Baby Syndrome

As my loyal readers know, I am a Noticer. It is sort of a blessing but sometimes it is depressing.

You, not being me, walk right by things that I find really interesting. You need not worry because you have Foolishness...Or Is It? to point out what you missed. I know that gives you solace...Or does it?

This posting is going to point out a phenomenon that has been happening all around you for years but which you, not being me, have been looking right pass it.

What I am referring to and what I am worried about is Shaken Baby Syndrome. This has been happening ever since those Baby Carriers came on the scene. You know what I am talking about. Those are the ones that can be attached to the Baby Anchoring Contraptions in our cars but then can be lifted out & carried around so we don’t have to leave baby in our cars any longer.

Leaving baby in our cars is something that has been really frowned upon for years now. It is almost as serious as leaving the family dog in the car.

The problem with all of this is as baby is carried along it is bounced off the caring parent’s thighs over & over. Baby ends up being treated like one of those balls at the end of those long rubber bands attached to those paddles that we used to play with when we were kids before hand-held video games were invented.

What first caught my observant eye were the baby’s eyes. I noticed that they were wide open & they conveyed a combination of shock & fear at what was happening to them.

I could just imagine them thinking to themselves things like...

  • What the heck is going on? (They think “heck” because they have not yet learned to think curse words.)
  • Why did I have to be born into an earthquake prone area?
  • If I ever get out of this thing, I am going to become a teen-ager & I am going to make life miserable for that bouncer person up there.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(385)

Lagniappe: On August 1, 2010 my Silliness brushed by a similar subject…

Protecting Our Children Can Be Dangerous To Our Children

Saturday, December 27, 2014

You Understand What I Said Even If I Did Not Say It...Or Do You?

Elliptical Sentence:

In the grammar of a sentence, an elliptical construction is a construction that lacks an element that is, nevertheless, recoverable or inferable from the context. The elliptical construction is a sequence of words in which some words have been omitted. Because of the logic or pattern of the entire sentence, it is easy to infer what the missing words are.

Would you like an example of modern usage of an Elliptical Sentence? I have one for you. The bullets below set it up. I did the underlining...

  • U.S. Representative Michael Grimm (R) of New York has pleaded guilty to Federal Felony Tax Charges.
  • However, following his guilty plea he said he will not resign.
  • He said, “As long as I’m able to serve, I’m going to”.
  • He noted he easily won a third term in November despite a 20-count federal indictment unveiled last April.
  • He pleaded guilty to aiding the preparation of a false tax return in connection with a health food restaurant he co-owned before his political career.
  • He said in court, “While operating a restaurant, we underestimated the gross receipts and used some of the money to pay employees off the books and some other expenses”.
  • As part of a plea deal Grimm, whose trial had been scheduled for February, also signed a statement of facts, admitting to concealing over $900,000 in gross receipts from 2007 to 2010 and lying during a 2013 deposition.

Here is my Elliptical Sentence. The Inferred Part is in brackets:

I will not resign (because everyone else in Congress does this kind of thing).

The Fella can see his point. Why should he be the only one to do the honorable thing? Why should he be held to a higher standard? That’s just asking too much.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

(322)