Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Even If It Is Good For You, You Gotta Stay Away From It

I asked my computer, “Can Sudafed Adversely Affect Sleep?”, and I got this listing...

 

Common adverse side effects of Sudafed include:

  • nervousness
  • restlessness or excitability (especially in children)
  • dizziness
  • headache
  • fear
  • anxiety
  • loss of appetite
  • sleep problems (insomnia)
  • skin rash
  • itching
  • tremors
  • hallucinations
  • convulsions (seizures)
  • nausea
  • vomiting
  • flushing (warmth, tingling, or redness under your skin)

 

Wow! That’s a lot of Adversely Affecting! That’s a lot of Good Information...Or is it?

 

My computer then told me, “This is not a complete list of side effects and others may occur”.

 

The Bottom Line Is...

Sudafed Can Cause Anything

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I showed a draft of this Blog Posting to one of my Dear Readers and it upset him so much that he said to me, “Whenever I get this upset, I have a Burning Desire to eat a piece of Roasted Chicken”.

 

Off he went to buy his Roasted Chicken.

 

About 30 minutes later he returned and he was more upset than he was when he had headed out to get his Chicken Fix. I had a hard time calming him down but eventually I did get him to tell me his sad story. His voice was quivering as he said to me, “The Gonna-Warn-You-About-Everything-People got to the Roasted Chicken ahead of me! It was awful! I don’t know what I am going to do without my Chicken Fix but there is no way I can eat that Chicken because it contains things (or was near things) that it does not have in it but which may be in it which might or might not be bad for me if I consumed them, was near them or was near someone who consumed them or was near them!”...

clip_image002

Notice, we have progressed so far along the Road to Hysteria that we are now being warned about eating Wholesome Ingredients.

 

That’s Progress!

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Saturday, December 09, 2017

Remembering Growing Up Being Me And Me Being Surrounded By Those Crazy And Delightful People Who Surrounded Me

I’m getting old but it has been a ball getting to be as old as I am. I hope you stay with me on this one (it’s a bit long) and allow me to tell you what I remember about growing up being me.

I Remember Jerry Snakes…

Ø A new kid moved into our neighborhood.

Ø He was younger than the rest of us.

Ø The Rules of Neighborhood Engagement gave us older kids the right to pick on the new younger kid.

Ø His name was Jerry.

Ø From the very beginning we told him he was in mortal danger because the neighborhood was infested with Jerry Snakes that ate little kids named Jerry.

Ø This went on for months until it came to climax one Saturday when a whole bunch of Jerry Snakes actually did appear.

Ø It was really an extravaganza because the whole neighborhood joined in.

Ø There were kids there that lived around the corner (in our world “around the corner” was a long way off) who hardly knew who Jerry was.

Ø My father owned the neighborhood grocery store.

Ø About 5 of us put burlap potato sacks over our upper bodies with holes cut in them for our eyes and arms.

Ø We appeared one at a time and then all in a bunch and chased Jerry all over the place.

Ø Jerry was terrified.

Ø He ran screaming with his hands in the air as he tried to save his life every time one of us appeared to run at him with our hands in the air.

Ø It was great fun!

I’ve often wondered if Jerry was playing with us much as we were playing with Jerry.

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I Remember My Very Good Friend (still my very good friend today) Who Would Not Stop Crying In Kindergarten…

Ø I remember my teacher sat me next to him to try and make him more accepting of Kindergarten but I failed miserably.

Ø My friend eventually changed schools.

Ø I also remember the last day of Grammar School being lined up at the head of the graduating 8th grade class (I was the head of the class because I was the shortest one) and hearing the Principal Announce over the loud speaker to the Entire School, “I remember little Fella O crying every day of class in Kindergarten. We did not think we would ever get him to stop crying.”

Ø I was humiliated!

Ø None of my classmates ever mentioned this whole humiliating experience to me.

Ø They probably felt sorry for me, and I did not care if they felt sorry for me, as long as they did not mention it to me.

Ø As soon as I got up to my classroom asking my teacher to let me go see the Principal with the Bad Memory.

Ø Once in her presence, I pleaded for a public retraction or, at minimum admission by her that she was woefully wrong.

Ø She would not relent. I can still hear her voice saying to me, “I know it was you, Fella”.

She probably was thinking I had a bad memory or she was worried about my soul going to hell because I was a Lying Little Fella.

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I Remember Being A Good School Yard Athlete And Boy Was I Fast!…

Ø I was the fastest runner in Grammar School.

Ø I went to High School and was ready to show the world how fast I was at my first Intramural Track Meet.

Ø I just knew the School’s Track Coach was going to see me zip down the track in front of the pack and come begging me to go out for his Track Team.

Ø The gun went off and the pack took off but I did not.

I was left so far in the rear that I was afraid to actually cross the finish line because I did not want the world to see that it was me that far back in the back.

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I Remember Playpens…

PlayPen

Ø Mothers used to put their children into Playpens and then go about doing what they had to do.

Ø The depositing of the child in a Playpen had many benefits to the Mother and the Child.

Ø The biggest one was it kept the child from “Getting into Things”.

Ø “Getting into Things” could be any of the following… Pulling Stuff Down, Breaking Things, Eating Things They Should Not Be Eating, Getting out the Door and Falling into the Swimming Pool, Getting Out the Door And Having To Be Brought Back By A Neighbor (today the neighbor abducts the child), etc.

Ø Today a Mother can’t do all those things she used to do because she is busy following her child and preventing it from “Getting into Things”.

Ø They do, however, pray more than they used to because they keep praying the child will get tired and take a nap and then they can get something done.

Ø Sad to say, many times the child and the Mother wear out together and she ends up napping while the child is napping.

I think we little ones went right from “Playpen Life” to “Come Home When the Street Lights Come on Life”. I’m probably wrong about this Street Light Life Jump but I bet not much time did pass between those two Lives because it was safe out there under the street lights.

Lagniappe In The Middle: The Fella safe and sound in his playpen with his Fella Cousin. The Fella is the handsome one…

HenryCarrone(L)&AlexOrtolano(R)-'42

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I Remember Larry…

Ø One day after classes in High School about 6 of us stayed in the school yard to play touch football.

Ø The next thing I knew this guy, who I did not know, was throwing the football at my crotch while the other team was huddling up for the next play.

Ø It was Larry.

Ø I made it plain to him that I did not like balls being thrown at my crotch.

Ø Next thing I knew Larry was a best friend and we were hanging around together.

Ø I always picked him up when we went anywhere because he could never get his family car but that was OK because he was Larry and I was glad to always pick him up.

Ø Larry’s father was a house painter and Larry helped his father out a lot on the painting jobs.

Ø This meant Larry would often go out on dates without getting all the paint off of his body but that was OK because he was Larry.

Ø Larry was an interesting guy.

Ø Eventually along came this really beautiful girl and she actually really liked Larry.

Ø Larry could not believe such a beautiful girl would really like him and he seemed to be actually in love with her.

Ø One night he got back into my car (remember I always drove) and he announced he was not going to go out with his beautiful girlfriend anymore because, while dancing, he could tell she had a girdle on and Larry did not like girdles.

Ø He never went out with her again.

Ø Larry went away to Mobile, Alabama for College (Springhill) and I attended College at home (Loyola).

Ø One day I got a letter from Larry telling me he was thinking of leaving Springhill and going into the Marines.

Ø I wrote back and told him, if he actually did that, I would join up with him.

Ø Not long after that exchange, Larry was with friends swimming in the Gulf of Mexico and a bunch of people got caught in a rib tide.

Ø Larry went out and saved someone.

Ø He then went out again to try and save someone else and Larry drowned.

Ø I often wonder how different my life would have been if we had joined the Marines together.

Ø I would not have met my wife and not had our family and those are two very big nots.

Ø Larry probably did me an unintended favor by going back out that second time.

Ø Larry would have been a Good Marine.

Our first child was going to be named Larry but she turned out to be a girl.

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I Remember Leon In The Trunk...

Ø One time a bunch of us guys went to a Drive-In Theatre.

Ø My Cousin Leon had enough money to pay his way in but we decided to put Leon in the truck and sneak him into the movie.

Ø Why did we do that? ... Just because.

Ø Teenage boys often did things … Just because.

Ø My memory is weak here because I sometimes think I was in there with Leon but I’m not sure.

I had the money to pay my way in, so why would I have been in the trunk with Leon? ... Just because.

------------------------

I Remember Saturday Nights At The Neighborhood Movie Theatre…

Ø The neighborhood kids would often go to the Carrolton Neighborhood Theatre.

Ø We would all walk together to get there.

Ø It was about a mile.

Ø We could have taken the streetcar but did not want to spend the 7 cents it would have taken to ride the streetcar.

Ø Besides the walk was too much fun.

Ø Today neighborhood kids do not walk anywhere.

Ø They are at home playing video games.

Ø The Carrolton Neighborhood Theatre is now closed.

Ø My Mother gave me 25 cents when I left home.

Ø I paid 12 cents to get into the movie.

Ø I paid 5 cents for a delicious hot bag of popcorn.

Ø After the movie we walked around the corner and went to the Gold Seal Creamery Ice Cream Parlor.

Ø I got a double headed ice cream cone for 5 cents.

Ø I always got chocolate and banana and I licked them together.

Ø Even though it was late and dark we all walked home together because it was as much fun to walk home as it was to walk away from home.

Ø The last part of my walk was alone.

Ø We never got mugged.

Ø We never thought of the possibility of getting mugged. 

When I got home, my Mother asked for the 3 cents I had left from the quarter she gave me.

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Supplementing My Finances…

Ø My parents would often leave loose change laying around the house.

Ø One day I asked them if I could keep any money I found laying around.

Ø I was shocked when they said I could.

Ø I felt rich!

Ø I was rich!

It took me many years to realize that, as meager as our family income was, my parents often accidentally left money laying around on purpose.

------------------------

I Remember Stocking the Shelves…

Ø My Father owned a small Neighborhood Grocery Store.

Ø Neighborhood Grocery Stores used to be everywhere but they are now gone.

Ø On many nights we would have to restock the selves.

Ø We called it, “Putting up the Groceries”.

Ø As we stocked the shelves, we listened to the radio.

Ø We listened to Burns and Allen, Boston Blackie, The Shadow, Gang Busters, Fibber McGee and Mollie, Ozzie and Harriet, The Fat Man and others that I can’t recall at this moment.

It was great fun! At the time I did not know how much fun it was. I wish I had known. Not knowing good things that happen to us at the time that they happen to us happens a lot.

------------------------

I Remember Delivering Groceries On A Bicycle…

Ø Many of my Father’s Customers ordered over the phone.

Ø We filled their orders in the store into baskets.

Ø I delivered the orders on our grocery’s bicycle.

Ø The basket on the bicycle did not move when the front wheel was turned to make a turn.

Ø This kept the bicycle from getting out of balance and becoming hard to control.

I remember riding along and thinking to myself about that front wheel, “What will they think of next?”

------------------------

I Remember No Super Markets…

Ø In my youth the neighborhood grocery reigned supreme.

Ø Later we moved across town so my Father could take over my Grandfather’s grocery store and my Grandfather could retire.

Ø That store ended up being owned by our family for over 50 years.

Ø For many years now, it has been an antique store.

Ø We extended credit to our customers and delivered to their kitchen table by bicycle.

Ø Then the Super Market (in our case it was the A&P) came into our neighborhood.

Ø “Our” customers stopped shopping with us and flocked to the Super Market.

Ø This whole process made my Father sad and he could not understand why his “loyal” customers stopped shopping with him.

It made no difference to them that the Super Market did not extend credit (this was before credit cards) nor did it make any difference to them that we delivered on a magic front wheel bicycle to their kitchen table. They still flocked.

GroceryFloor

Floor in the Grocery Antique Store

This was a long one. Thanks for sticking with it to the end. I hope you enjoyed it.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Sunday, December 03, 2017

Ending Up In The Supreme Court Used To Mean Something

This is a quote from my newspaper of November 28, 2017…

“There is a very real possibility this could end up in the Supreme Court”

We have all seen this veiled threat possibility so many times that we don’t pay attention anymore. We find ourselves thinking, “So what? Everything ends up in the Supreme Court”.

 

Among my loyal readers there are many lawyers and many of those many lawyers just said to their collective selves, “That’s not true. The Supreme Court does not hear every case that is proposed to come before it!”

 

If that be the case, how come these three cases got to be argued before our Supreme Court?...

Ø The Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road Case… This thorny issue tied the Court in knots for weeks and was never resolved. The Supreme Court wriggled out of it by referring the issue back to a Lower Court without specifying which Lower Court. The result is that the case has been floating out in Legal Never-Never Land for decades.

Ø The Days Of The Week Ought To Be Listed in Alphabetic Order Case… The proponents of this proposal are baffled that this one was not a slam dunk quick decision for the Court. It, however, proved to be anything but quick. They argued that FMSSTTW had a much better ring to it than SMTWTFS. They may have had a valid point…Or had they?

Ø The Get Rid of July As A Month Of The Year Case. This one has a very long and complicated background but I will do my best to lay it out for you in easy to understand language because I know you are all busy deciding which NFL Games not to watch today…
>July is named after Julius Caesar.
>It is rumored that he was unfaithful to his wife, and since it has only been 2,057 years since he did this to his wife, we can’t let this one slide.
>He killed a whole bunch of people, many of whom he had never even met.
>He was not a popular guy as evidenced by the fact that he was killed by a bunch of his friends.

 

Did I just hear a number of you say I was being silly throughout the entirety of this Blog Posting thus far? I counter that accusation with this irrefutable and undeniable fact… Our Judicial System has allowed many cases to come before it that were far Sillier than the three I referenced above but I did not bring them up for discussion because I did not want to make the Court look Foolish.

 

OK, I admit it. I made up the three case examples above…Or did I?

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Is It Possible We Are Being Manipulated?

The guy who came up with Black Friday was a Retail Marketing Genius. Every year he has all of America jumping through his Frenzied-Gotta-Go-Buy-Something-Today Hoop.

 

I take great pride in stating that I am not one of the Frenzied Hoop Jumpers. My having said that, in the interest of Openness and Transparency, I feel compelled to state that I just happened to be in a Gun Store on Black Friday last. I was simply walking through said Gun Store when a Black Friday Unbelievably Low Priced Gun caught my attention and I was moved to buy it.

 

This was a rather expensive walk through. Next Black Friday I plan to walk through Dollar Tree.

 

As I was checking out with my impulsive gun, I looked into the display case in front of me and I saw a Knife for $120. I have always been of a mind to believe that $10 was a good price for a knife. I said to the clerk, “That’s a lot to pay for a knife”. He replied as he was trained to reply to uninformed Non-Black-Friday Shoppers who were in his store on Black Friday, “It’s a good knife”.

 

After making my purchase I decided to walk around the store. Most men like to walk around gun stores even more than walking around Home Depot. It’s just as awe inspiring as Home Depot but it is definitely more exciting.

 

The first display case I came to made the $120 Knife look cheap. I found I was looking at a $500 Knife. It was not even a Gigantic Bowie Knife. It was shorter than a Butter Knife. This astounding price was significantly over what I paid for my impulsive gun. I found myself thinking to myself, “Self, that’s a lot to pay for a knife and it does not even shoot people”.

 

Maybe this should not have surprised me so because of what had happened in a North Carolina Hardware Store the prior weekend. There I found myself looking in a display case that had a Watch priced at $13 sitting next to a Pair of Sunglasses priced at $150.

 

Maybe the Helpful Hardware Person (formerly known as Helpful Hardware Man) was thinking that, if you were stupid enough not to care about accurate time, you were dumb enough to pay $150 for a pair of sunglasses that made you look cool and which you were going to leave in a coffee shop within the next two weeks.

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Let’s get back to the Retail Marketing Genius who invented Black Friday.

 

There must certainly be a statue of that guy in the Retail Marketing Hall of Fame. He deserves to be on that pedestal but I am not so sure about the copycat wannabe “geniuses” who are trying to manipulate us with…

Ø Pre-Black Friday Thursday (Yes, I am sorry to say that this is Thanksgiving Day) where we flock into stores in the late afternoon on the day before Black Friday to get a jump on the Wide-Eyed Black Friday Buyers who will be charging into the stores on Black Friday Morning because they do not know about Pre-Black Friday Thursday.

Ø Small Business Saturday (day after Black Friday) where we are instructed to shop at the Mom and Pop Stores still out there.

Ø Cyber Monday (Monday after Black Friday) where we are required to shop online in order to keep the Internet Millionaires Millionaires.

Ø Giving Tuesday (Tuesday after the Monday after Black Friday) this is the newest Hoop Day. On this day we are encouraged to give money to charity. This one will probably not last long because we don’t have any money left to give away because we spent it all on Pre-Black Friday Thursday, Black Friday, Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday.

 

How long will it be before we just forget all about Thanksgiving Day and start Black Friday in the wee hours of Pre-Black Friday Thursday?

 

Will this Copycat Madness never end? What’s next? Maybe I ought to jump in here and create a day that will be to my own selfish benefit…

Foolishness Wednesday… This would be a day where everyone spends the entire day reading Foolishness…Or It Its. Yes, I do have enough to keep the Silly People of the world busy all day (especially if I release the 1,036 currently in my computer’s Next Book Folder.)

No I’m not going to pursue this course of action. If I did, the next thing you know there would be a Statue of the Fella on a Pedestal with pigeons having their way with him.

 

Worse yet, before you know it they would be tying a rope to his statue’s neck and yanking him down like Saddam Hussein was yanked down because they (whoever “they” are) found out what he did with Peggy Sue’s Pigtail with That Ink Well 66 Years Ago.

 

I would just hate to see his statue thrown on the Statue Ash Heap of History.

 

Let’s face it many of those Torn Down Statue People probably did a lot less evil than what he did to poor unsuspecting Peggy Sue’s Pigtail.

 

Maybe I ought to profusely apologize to Peggy Sue and her Pigtail.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: From my It Could Be Worse Department…The latest Costco Flier tells me I can rush down and buy a Japanese Wagyu Boneless Ribeye 12 Pound Roast for only $1,299.99 (Wow! That’s not even $1,300!). That’s only $108.33 per pound. Thankfully, it is on special with $200 off and at only $1,099.99 it’s only $91.67 per pound.

Special Note: The word “only” is used four times in the above Lagniappe. There ought to be Federal Law preventing the use of the word “only” anywhere inside the above Lagniappe.

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

The Smart People Say To Be Smart You Must Give The Smart People The Answer The Smart People Want You To Give To Them Smart People

"Lynne V. Cheney

April 1, 2015

If you seek peace, if you seek prosperity for the Soviet Union and Eastern Europe, if you seek liberalization: Come here to this gate! Mr. Gorbachev, open this gate! Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!

—President Ronald Reagan, speech at the Brandenburg Gate, Berlin, 1987

President Reagan’s challenge to Soviet Premier Mikhail Gorbachev remains one of the most dramatic calls for freedom in our time. Thus I was heartened to find a passage from Reagan’s speech on the sample of the new Advanced Placement U.S. history exam that students will take for the first time in May. It seemed for a moment that students would be encouraged to learn about positive aspects of our past rather than be directed to focus on the negative, as happens all too often.

But when I looked closer to see the purpose for which the quotation was used, I found that it is held up as an example of “increased assertiveness and bellicosity” on the part of the U.S. in the 1980s. That’s the answer to a multiple-choice question about what Reagan’s speech reflects.

No notice is taken of the connection the president made between freedom and human flourishing, no attention to the fact that within 2½ years of the speech, people were chipping off pieces of the Berlin Wall as souvenirs. Instead of acknowledging important ideas and historical context, test makers have reduced President Reagan’s most eloquent moment to warmongering.

The AP U.S. history exam matters. Half a million of the nation’s best and brightest high-school students will take it this year, hoping to use it to earn college credit and to polish their applications to competitive colleges. To score well on the exam, students have to learn what the College Board, a private organization that creates the exam, wants them to know."

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That’s the end of what Lynne V. Chaney had to say. Here is what Fella has to say…

I once read a book about this speech. Most of President Reagan's advisors did their best to get him to not say, "Tear Down This Wall". At that time in history that wall was a fact of life that would be there forever. They said that throwing down this challenge was a waste of time. It was never going to happen and it would make the Soviets mad at us.

Within 2.5 years of the speech the wall came down. Would it have come down without President Reagan daring to say it ought to come down? Maybe it would have but what's wrong with looking at something so evil and saying that it was evil and that evil ought to be removed?

If Fella had been an advisor to President Reagan I hope I would have said to President Reagan, “Hey, Ronnie, it can’t hurt.” History has proven that it did not hurt.

The Fella is glad President Reagan had the guts to say what I would have advised him to say if I had been there to say it.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Sunday, November 19, 2017

The Goings On In Our 13.4% Approval Rated Congress Is So Nonsensical It Is Hard To Discern The Silly From The Foolish

If I said, “Congress Is Acting Silly Again” you might accuse me of wasting words because word “Again” would not be necessary.

Below I have listed 3 examples of Congressional Silliness. To be honest with you the prior sentence is a lie. Two of them are Fine Examples of Congressional Silliness but one of them is a Fine Example of Something I Made Up.

Can you tell which one I made up?...

Ø He said it's possible that some reporters are ensnared in leak investigations right now but they wouldn’t know it unless there was a subpoena, a search warrant or an Actual Leak About the Leak Investigation.

Ø It is obvious that the process is replete with redundancy which is all the more reason why we need to Repeat Every Step in the Process before we move on.

Ø I am pleased to report to you that we finally have oversight in the form of an Oversight Committee Investigation but we now desperately need Oversight of the Oversight Committee.

You can’t tell which is the one I made up can you? Don’t feel badly. Congress has a long and storied history of being Silly. They are very good at it.

In those meetings Congress will not let us get into, you can hear this said over and over, “You are out of order! How many times have I told you, if it’s not foolish, don’t even bother to bring it up for discussion!”

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Lagniappe: #2 above is the one I made up. Take a moment and read the other 2. Kind of makes you sad, does it not?

Thursday, November 16, 2017

It Used To Be That, Once History Was Done, It Was Written Down And It Was Done

The above Subject is the way it used to be. Now we change history to match up with the way things are now. Or said differently… We change history to match up with the way things should have been, if only the past was as enlighten as we are today.

 

This quote was sent to me in an email from a well respected organization. It is a quote of the words of John F. Kennedy…“A nation reveals itself not only by the men and women it produces, but also by the men and women it honors, the men and women it remembers.“

 

The problem is President Kennedy did not say these exact words. His historically accurate quote did not include…“and women” and “and women” and “and women”.

 

The actual historic quote was…“A nation reveals itself not only by the men it produces, but also by the men it honors, the men it remembers.“

 

I looked it up on The Internet and copied and pasted below the first five references I found...

 

Goodreads…

John F. Kennedy > Quotes > Quotable Quote

Ø    “A nation reveals itself not only by the men it produces but also by the men it honors, the men it remembers.”

JFK2

John F. Kennedy

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IZQuotes

JFK3
 

John F. Kennedy Quote

 

A nation reveals itself not only by the men it produces but also by the men it honors, the men it remembers.
John F. Kennedy

Source/Notes: 
Speech at Amherst College (1963)

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Dictionary of Quotes

"A nation reveals itself not only by the men it produces but also by the men it honors, the men it remembers" – John Fitzgerald Kennedy

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ThinkExist.com

John Fitzgerald Kennedy quote

  “A nation reveals itself not only by the men it produces but also by the men it honors, the men it remembers”

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The Atlantic

Poetry and Power

"A nation reveals itself not only by the men it produces but also by the men it honors, the men it remembers"

 JFK

Quote from The Fella…“History Changed Is Not History”.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella