Thursday, December 18, 2014

Everyone In My Neck Of The Woods Is All Excited!

Another Subject Title Of This Posting Could Be... The Most Anticipated After Picture in the History of Before & After Pictures

Calling on my unerring ability to see the future, I predict that the After Picture referred to above will never happen. Please read through this posting until the end to see my irrefutable logic.

First the reason for the excitement...

Krispy Kreme Is Opening a New Store

It is going to be absolute chaos! The Krispy people have set up a bunch of yummy giveaways to ensure that the chaos is chaotic to the nth degree (whatever that means).

On opening day...

  • The first person in line will receive a free dozen original glazed doughnuts every week for a year.
  • Customers 2 through 100 will receive a free dozen original glazed doughnuts every month for a year.

My prediction is directed at lucky customer #1. As stated in the opening paragraph of this blog posting, I predict that the After Picture will never happen because somewhere between weeks #48 & #51, before that picture can be taken, customer #1 will explode. The only evidence that he ever existed will be his gooey shoes.

Did I hear some of you question why the shoes would remain after such a horrific explosion? Allow me to explain...

Ever since I put the late Albert Einstein’s picture in my Foolishness Office, he has been paying me visits on a regular basis. He does this because no one else appears to know who he is...was. Simply stated, the man is lonely.


He explained to me that the reason the shoes would remain intact is, when things explode, they Blow Up not Down &, obviously, his shoes are down.

Who am I (or you) to question his opinion on this? This man knows all about explosions.

Would I kid u?



Tuesday, December 16, 2014

This Blog Posting Is Apolitical

At first blush those of you who lean to the Left may take this Blog Posting to be an attack on politicians you support. If this is what you see, you are not seeing what I am attempting to point out. Please read slowly.

This is not a Left/Right Diatribe. This is my way of pointing out that our 9% Approval Rated Congress is obsessed with spending money. Their mindset is more akin to... If we spend a lot we have done a lot.

Here is my Apolitical Thinking...

If the Fella had read that Congress had spent $100,000 on their "Torture Report" he probably would have said, "Why did you spend such a large amount of money? What is wrong with you guys? You are obsessed with spending for the sake of spending!"

This indignation proves The Fella has no understanding of the ability of Congress to open our wallets.

The actual number spent by our Drunken Sailor 9% Approval Rated Congress on this report was $40,000,000!!!

Because of my past attempts to educate you, my dear readers, I know you know how much $1,000,000 is but, for the sake of those new to my Blog's Wisdom, I'll lay it out again...

A million is a thousand thousand.

By spending Forty Million Dollars our duly elected Congress has spent...

Forty Thousand Thousand Dollars

It seems to me that 100 thousand dollars ought to be more than enough to spend on any investigation.

Senator Foghorn Leghorn has been looking over my shoulder as I peck this posting out & he has just become agitated at what I am saying. He finally said, "Son, why son, forty ain't much! Hell, forty is not even fifty. Everyone knows fifty is a lot more than forty. If we had spent fifty, you might have a point, son, but you are just being picky, son! You ought to use your excellent communication skill to do something of more importance like getting Postal Workers to Smile Once a Day!"

The Senator really means well & actually is a reasonable fellow. He saw the look of anguish on my face when I contemplated the impossibility of trying to get a postal worker to smile. In an effort to show his compassion, he quickly changed my assignment, "Son, why son, I feel your pain. I'll give you an easier task. Why don't you get the Mississippi River to change course & flow out to California? They need the water out there."

He saw the relief of my face as I realized my new assignment was much easier. We both felt better.

Would I kid u?



Lagniappe: I often make reference to Senator Foghorn Leghorn. If you don’t know who he is, click below. Watch as much as you can stand...


Foghorn Leghorn Rants

(Issue: It might take a minute for the picture to appear after the sound starts. If so, click the refresh button. Heck if I know what the problem is.)

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Understanding The Logic Behind Congressional Inner Workings

I am certain that your excitement is at a fever pitch about the promise contained in the Subject of this Blog Posting. I am excited also.

Yesterday I was watching a House of Representatives Hearing. The Chairman in his introductory remarks said the following, “All Members Will Have Seven Days to Submit Opening Statements For The Record”.

Did I just hear some of you say that his statement about Opening Statement confuses you? It seems to be pretty straight forward to me.

Sometimes I am at a loss for words to understand why my dear readers do not understand what they do not understand. You are obviously intelligent because you are smart enough to read my foolishness but many times you just can’t understand plain English!

Please allow me to allow me to explain in the simplest wording I can put together. In this context...

  • “Opening” refers to the beginning.
  • “Seven Days” means anywhere from 24 hours to 168 hours after the beginning.

Now I am confused! Is the Chairman telling us that committee members can actually tailor their Opening Comments about the committee hearing after having the benefit of reading the testimony of what actually transpired in the committee hearing?

I would not be surprised if these Opening Statements are really Forward Thinking.

Would they kid u?



Lagniappe: Regarding the promise I made in the Subject of this Blog Posting. I must admit I can’t live up to that lofty commitment. I meant well but I have failed and, as they say in Congress, “I sincerely apologize for my shortcomings. That having been said & duly recorded, let’s go to Happy Hour.”

Sunday, December 07, 2014

We Have Moved Beyond Good News & Bad News. Now We Have Bad News & Worse News.

The Bad News

A small child asks his Father a question in the not-too-distant future... “I really like this Holiday Season. I especially like all the presents I get on December 25. I really thank you for the Ray Gun you gave me this year. It is going to be a blast to shoot especially since there is now a law that says I can incinerate people with spaces between their front teeth.”

“The Holiday Season is so special! How did the Holiday Season originate?”

The Worse News

The Father says to his Small Child, “I don’t know”.

Would I kid u?



Lagniappe: It would be even worse if the Father had said, “I don’t know. I anticipated your asking this question so I Googled it but Google did not know either”.

Wednesday, December 03, 2014

Is It My Fault That I Have An Uncanny Ability To See The Obvious?

I originally wrote this Blog Posting on January 29, 2010. I have sent it out before as a reminder of how obviously smart I am about the obvious. Now I am doing it again because it is obvious that our 9% Approval Rated Congress is not reading my Foolishness.

I must correct the above sentence. Actually I have it from my sources in Washington, D.C. that many of them are reading my silliness. This makes the future prospects look even worse for the Good Ole USofA. They are reading the Fella’s Foolishness yet they are ignoring the obvious.

I have often said, “If the horse is dead, get off the horse”. If I truly believe that, why am I sending this 2010 piece of wisdom out again? Simply stated I am a Patriot & I keep hoping that one day our 9% Approval Rated Congress will all shout in one voice, “By golly, the Smartfella ain’t stupid!”

Yes, Dear Reader, our duly elected Congress is about to raise the Debt Limit again...

Would I kid u?



Tuesday, December 02, 2014

Who Can Be Opposed To A Caboose?

There is a town next to the town I live in called Suwanee. It is a nice place, well organized & many times has gotten national recognition as a great place to live.

That being said, it appears to me Suwanee is a town that has been Amucked, as in Political Correctness is Running Amuck over there.

This is the time of year when the Lighting of the Christmas Tree used to be on the calendars of communities all over the Good Ole USofA. They did not even have to be Nice Places nor Well Organized nor Recognized to have a Christmas Tree Lighting Ceremony.

This is not the case anymore & not even in Nice Well Organized Recognized Suwanee, GA.


Suwanee’s Jolly Holly-day Celebration

(Formerly the Old Town Holiday Festival & Caboose Lighting)

Yes, Dear Readers, Suwanee is about to light up a Caboose because Who Can Be Opposed To A Caboose? Cabooses are so Correct.

I will never forget the caller to a Radio Talk Show who was objecting to a Manger Scene in front of his City Hall. If you are thinking he was objecting based on Separation of Church & State Grounds you would be wrong in thinking that. He said he was objecting because every time he drove past the Manger Scene he Felt Threatened.

nativity scene : Christmas nativity scene with holy family

I wonder if there is actually a Christmas Tree over in a dark corner of Suwanee Town Center with a sign on it saying, “Do not look at this relic of the past. If you do look, you might feel threatened”.

Would I kid u?



Monday, December 01, 2014

The Dictionary Is A Living & Dying Book

Words come into our English Dictionary all the time...

  • Dis... To treat with disrespect. To be rude.
  • Humblebrag... An ostensibly modest or self-deprecating statement whose actual purpose is to draw attention to something of which one is proud.
  • Amazeballs... Extremely good or impressive; amazing.

Being sly, cunning and alert, the Smartfella has taken note of some words or phrases that are going out of usage. They are still in the dictionary but it won’t be long before they will be stricken...

  • Vulgar or Profane... Hardly anything is Vulgar or Profane today.
  • Respect... It just does not have much of a place in the today’s Self-Centered Good Ole USofA.
  • Politeness... Yes, Sir ... No, Sir ... Yes, Mam ... No, Mam. These all sound sort of silly to too many of us.

That’s progress... Or is it?

Would I kid u?