Monday, July 21, 2014

$3.7 Billion Dollars Is Not Much When You Consider All The Awfulness Out There

My awful statistics quoted in this blog posting are not my awful statistics. I lifted them from a columnist by the name of Esther Cepeda. Her awful statistics describe present day Guatemala, Honduras & El Salvador and her awful statistics accumulation shows no sign of getting better and every sign of getting worse.

The Awful Truth...

  • Bloodshed, gang intimidation, drug wars, robbery, rape, murder of children in the streets and widespread dropping out of school because of belief in certain death at a young age are all a fact of everyday life.
  • Among the casualties during a mild mid-July weekend were three killed and at least 24 others wounded by gunshots, many of them teens. If we took it back to the prior Wednesday, we need add in a pregnant mother of five was shot in her head while driving her minivan down a street.
  • It is common to have toddlers beaten to death and their tiny bodies sometimes set on fire.
  • Public school education is a joke, there are no jobs, there are no opportunities and there sure isn’t much hope.
  • It is estimated that the cost of gun violence is about $1 million per gunshot injury. This estimate takes into account police time, medical cost, court costs and decreased tourism revenue from bad publicity.
  • There were about 3,500 shootings in 2013, most were driven by desperation.

I can see you shaking your head in agreement that the 3.7 Billion Dollars needs to be spent and, even that huge sum, may not be enough.

My heavens! I made an awful mistake! I misread Esther Cepeda’s awful statistics. This awful situation I described above does not describe Guatemala, Honduras & El Salvador. It describes the Ongoing Awfulness of Chicago.

How could I be so careless? I’ve got to start reading what I read more carefully.

Would I kid u?



Lagniappe: Did you read the 6 bullet points too fast? To get the full impact, you might want to go back and read them slowly and carefully. Let the awfulness sink in.

Saturday, July 19, 2014

What The World Needs Is Lots Of Pitched Battles

All over the world countries without the ability to design and build Major Weapons of Destruction are using Major Weapons of Destruction to kill their fellow man.

How is this happening? If they can’t design and build such things they ought not to be able to use such things but every day they are shooting and dropping such things at and on others.

This happens because the countries that have the ability to design and build Major Weapons of Destruction are selling or giving these awful weapons to the have not’s of the world.

It appears that we have evolved into a new modern principle of fairness…

Everyone Has An Innate Right To Be Able To Kill Other People In Bunches

Allow me to paint a world where the Designer/Builder Nations did not allow their evil creations to be disseminated to little evil people...

The angry little nations/movements would have to resort to their own meager resources to destroy each other. This means they would have to throw rocks at them, hit them with sticks or stick them with pitchforks.

(Did you catch the use of the words in the subject of this Foolishness...Or Is It? ... “pitched battles”? Pitchforks ... Pitched Battles ... Get it? Pretty clever of me don’t you think?)

This could actually be an economic boom to the world...

  • Word could be put out that a battle was going to take place at a certain designated battlefield.
  • The Battle Watchers would have to get to the Battle Site. This would stimulate revenue for the airline industry, train transportation and rent-a-car companies.
  • The Battle Watchers would line up their canvas chairs along either side of the impending battle just like Soccer Parents all over the Good Ole USofA do every weekend. This would stimulate the canvas chair manufacturing business.
  • Local entrepreneurs could sell popcorn, candy, liquid refreshment to the world’s Battle Watchers to consume as they watched the battles.
  • The list could go on and on: Balloons, Tee Shirts, Hats, Pennants, etc..

Back in 1970 we had the film... clip_image002

I think I have clearly pecked out my argument in very clear language that, if we started having old fashioned kinds of wars, the world would beat a path to them and we would have what we all want so dearly, in these dire economic times, a Worldwide Economic Boom.

I’m sure you all agree...Or do you?

Would I kid u?



Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Absolute Disaster Multiple Choice Questions


The above picture is the result of a Major Catastrophic Event in this woman’s young life. She may never recover and deserves all our sympathy.

If it were not against current accepted practice in the Good Ole USofA, I would ask you to pray for her but I know better than to do such a thing. I really don’t know all of you that well and I can’t be sure whether or not some of you might report me.

What caused such grief? As I stated above, it certainly was a Major Catastrophic Event but what exactly was it?…

  • Was an Atomic Bomb was just dropped on her home town destroying it completely and killings all of its 63,212 inhabitants including her entire family?
  • Did her husband just drive off a 1,500 foot high cliff into a raging sea in her new Lexus?
  • Did she just drop a $5,000,000 Winning Lottery Ticket on the floor and was she sent into the throws of despair as her cute little white dog gulped it down as she screamed for it to stop gulping?
  • Did her Brazilian Soccer Team just lose its World Cup Soccer Match to eventual winner Germany?

Yes, it was the last bullet above. Such anguish! Such pain! It is hard for me to look at this picture of her anguish and pain! It is so unsettling to me that I can’t continue pecking at this Blog Posting and will have to forgo my sometimes nifty closing turn of phrase.

(I must have lied above because there are 2 Lagniappes below.)

Would I kid u?



Lagniappe 1: On second thought, this woman is a complete idiot! I am tempted to Tweet her and tell her to worry about something meaningful but, since I am not a Twit, I will not Tweet and someone else will have to tell her she needs to learn the difference between Fly Chit and Pepper.

Lagniappe 2: There were news reports after the match that 7 Brazilian Soccer Fans were killed in rioting. Many Members of Congress were watching the match in a Special Extended Happy Hour Session and 5 of them asked, when they heard the news flash about the dead Soccer Fans, “Just how many Million are there in a Brazilian?”

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

I May Have Seen It All...Or Have I?

I think it started with Michael Jordan. For me it was one of the big shocks to my understanding of the Decline and Fall of He-Men in America.

It happened years ago. There I was watching TV and there he was Michael Jordan inside my TV wearing a Diamond Studded Ear Ring in his right ear.

I said to myself, "Fella, this can't be good!" It was not good. We impressionable modern Americans worship Sports Heroes, Celebrities and Comic Book Action Characters. We can't help ourselves. If they do it, then we do it.

The Feminization of the American Male has now been in full flower for many years and it shows no sign of letting up.

Mostly this happens in the Movies and on TV. When I see instances of this awful process in real life I am tempted to say to the latest manifestation I see, "What's the matter with you? Don't you see what you are doing to all of us?"

As I write this Foolishness I am sitting on a plane. Next to me is another chapter in our Collective Feminization. Next to me is a fairly He-Manly looking male passenger with his Toe Nails Painted Red. He looks as if he could very well be a player in the National Football League and his toes are painted Red.

I do not content that it is the Last Straw so I'll just call it the Latest Straw. I also will not venture a guess as to what the next slip down the Slippery Slope will be but it is a certainty we are slipping and sliding at a fairly rapid rate.

I think I know what you are thinking. You are wondering if I said to my red toed fellow traveler, "What's the matter with you? Don't you see what you are doing to all of us?"

The sad truth is I did not say anything! I could have put a little sand on the Slippery Slope but I did nothing! I am not a he-man either!

At this moment I find I am apprehensive about going home and taking off my socks. I am actually afraid of what I might see.

Would I kid u?



Saturday, July 12, 2014

I Did Not Write This Book But I May Have Been The Inspiration Behind It...Or was I?

I wrote a couple of Foolishness...Or Is Its? about Apologizing. They both were brilliant!...Or were they?

If you wanna read them, click below...

In my newspaper I found out that Edwin L. Battistella has written a book called, “Sorry About That”. He is a much slicker writer than I am and I would venture to say he did not make any of his stuff up, as I may have... Or did I?

I still think I was his inspiration. What other answer could there be? You will notice many of his Standard Apologetic Phrases are similar to the ones I pecked into my May 2010 blog posting.

Here are some Standard Falling All Over One’s Self Apologetic Catch Phrases from his book

  • If any of my comments or actions have indeed been unwelcome.
  • If I have conducted myself in any way that has caused any individual discomfort or embarrassment, for that I am sincerely sorry.
  • A careless, off-handed remark.
  • Insensitive words.
  • A mistake.
  • A poor decision I deeply regret.
  • That which has caused the stir that it has.
  • I take full responsibility.
  • Sorry about that.
  • Careless words.
  • Didn’t mean them (careless words).
  • Hope the whole thing is forgotten.
  • I do regret that I allowed myself to get into a situation where I was photographed on an anti-aircraft gun.
  • I regret the angry remark I made when the POWs returned home that enabled apologists for the war to orchestrate the myth of Hanoi Jane.

Oops! Did I give away the identity of the author of the last two? If I did, I am sorry and I ask her wholehearted, sincere & orchestrated forgiveness.

Mr. Battistella, you done good! (Yea, I know I should have written “you done well”).

Would I kid u?



Again may I make a plea that you go back and read my 2 prior blog postings about Apologies? They are well written. They are catchy. They are right to the point... Or are they?

If you don’t go back and read them, and if I ever ask you if you went back and read them, remember the immortal words of Flip Wilson dressed up as Geraldine Jones, “Honey, a lie is as good as the truth as long as you get the Fella to believe you.”

That’s right. Lie to me. Tell me they are well written, catchy & right to the point. We mediocre writers hate the truth.

Again I list the link...


Saturday, July 05, 2014

I Hate You & I Hate The Horse You Rode In On

There are a lot of people that absolutely hate Wal-Mart and everything anywhere near connected with Wal-Mart. This pervasive hate is hard for me to understand but what do I know?

Below is a quote from the June 28, 2014 issue of my newspaper which will demonstrate my confusion...

..."philanthropy" itself is being turned into a dirty word. The New York Post reported earlier this month that more than half the members of New York's City Council had signed a letter to Wal-Mart demanding that the retailer stop donating to New York City charities. The council members even called on the recipients of Wal-Mart's largess, which provides meals to the homeless and other social services, to return the money.

There is the “Horse You Rode In On” part referred to in the Subject of this Foolishness…Or Is It?. They hate Wal-Mart so much they hate the efforts of Wal-Mart to help their poor.

Why stop at Charity Recipients Giving Back? Should we as a society go even further? Here are two furthers…

  • Ask all people who have saved money at Wal-Mart s all across the Good Ole USofA to return to Wal-Mart all the money that they have saved by shopping at Wal-Mart.
  • Ask all employees of Wal-Mart to return any money they have received or will receive in the form of salaries.

That ought to put Wal-Mart in its proper place and show it what we really think about it!

I have a good friend who launched into a tirade about the evils of Wal-Mart on more than one occasion. One time I asked if he had ever even been inside of a Wal-Mart and with great pride he responded, “No!”.

The Smartfella is nothing if he is not polite. I did not say anything in response but I did say to myself, “Fella, now there’s a fine example of Ignorant Hatred”.

Would I kid u?