Friday, August 18, 2017

Slippin And A Sliding

We can’t depend on lots of thing we used to be able to depend on but the Slippery Slope will always be with us. Another Subject for this Foolishness could easily have been…

Cussing, Cursing and Bad Words Amok

Have you noticed that people Americans admire have started using foul language in their Music, in their Speeches, in their Movies and now in their News Comments?


It probably started with Rhett Butler when he said to Scarlett O’Hara, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn”. I immediately thought, “Yea, way to go Rhett, she deserves a cuss word or two!”


As I thought that, I was still shocked that he had said that for the whole world to hear, especially the children (me) of the Good Ole USofA to hear. I thought to my little self that Rhett might just have put us all on a Slippery Slope and I thought right.


Over the years we have been slipping and sliding but recently the slope seems to have gotten steeper and more slippery because politicians have started jumping on the slope


Horrified Mother to Nasty Mouthed Son…

“You come here right now! I’m going to wash your mouth out with soap. I’ll teach you to not use nasty words like that!”

Nasty Mouthed Son to Horrified Mother…

“You can’t do that. I just heard Senator Snidley Whiplash use that word on CSPAN while making a speech on the floor of the Senate and they call him Honorable all the time”.

That’s progress.


Would I kid u?



Lagniappe: If Gone with the Wind had been made in 2017…

Scarlett to Rhett: “Sir, you are no gentleman”.

Rhett to Scarlett: “And you, Miss, are no lady”.

Today Rhett was sued because he did not say, “And you, Ms., are no lady”.

Friday, August 11, 2017

There Is A Guy Who Became Famous, Honored And Admired For Publishing One Of The Most Used Useless Directives In The History Of Computing

For years many of us have been adhering to this Directive as the “best” method of developing and managing our passwords. We now know we have been wasting our time.


We were told the way to protect our accounts was to invent awkward new words rife with obscure characters, capital letters and numbers—and to change them regularly.


Most people found this too confusing to be practical but many of us tried our best to do it because we were told by people a lot smarter than we were that this was not just the best way to protect our important computer stuff but it was the only proven way to protect our important computer stuff.


Some of us ignored this Proven and Secure way like that guy in the Federal Government who used “Password” as his Password. I would hope that not too many of us were as silly as this guy but I would not bet on it.


Others of us tried to do what the Smarter Than Us People told us we had to do. We even persevered after several of the true adherents to the process were reported to have been hauled off to the Funny Farm in Straight Jackets.


A good example of what kind of word would come out of creating a password with Awkward Letters Rife with Obscure Characters and Capital Letters and Numbers (and change them often) is shown below…


Now there is a Password that will frustrate Snidley Hacker and send him to the Funny Farm if ever there was one!...Or will it?


Sadly, we now know that this Bullet Proof Password could be cracked by Snidley in 3 Days.


Ole Snidley has gotten very good at golf because he found he had a lot of time on his hands so he has been spending a lot of time on the links.


Is there a better way?

Ø Is there a way that does not need Awkward Letters?

Ø Is there a way that does not have to have Obscure Characters?

Ø Is there a way that does not need to have a mixture of Capital and Lower-Case Letters?

Ø Is there a way that does not need to have Numbers thrown in where you can’t remember where you threw them in?

Ø Is there a way that does not require you to change your password as soon as you finally get to the point where you can remember it?

Ø Is there a way that does not require you to have a different unable-to-be-remembered password for every account?


My Dear Reader, the answer is yes. You can now have a single password for all accounts. It will take a little longer to type out and about 60 seconds to memorize but it will keep you from having to order Funny Farm, USA return address stickers for your snail mail.


Are you ready? Here it is…

Your Password Should Be Made Up Of 4 Unrelated Words Typed Out As One Big Word

An example would be “correct horse battery staple” typed out as “correcthorsebatterystaple”.


In case you have forgotten how long it would have taken Snidley to figure out your old “Tr0ub4dor&3” password, I’ll tell you again…

He could crack it in 3 days


If Snidley had a computer program that made 1,000 guesses a second, it would take him 550 Years to figure out that your “correcthorsebatterystaple” password was “correcthorsebatterystaple”.


Now you can take up golf but don’t look for Snidley out there because he is going to be busy for a long time to come.


Would I kid u?



Lagniappe: I did not make this up…

Wednesday, August 09, 2017

Does God Tweet?

There I was standing in the middle of the road being the Proverbial Deer in the Headlights.


I looked right at Twitter, Tweets and Twits and said to the entire world (or at least the .0000000000000000000000000000001% of the world that reads my Foolishness), “Twitter, Tweets and Twits who Tweet are all Silly!”


It was then that Deer Me was run over by all things Twitter.


I remember when Twitter had just been invented, created, concocted, spit out or by whatever means it was thrust upon us. I looked at what was happening and I was put off by statements in the news like, “Twitter Nation Thinks…”.


I said in response, “How can all those people all over everywhere “think” as a group? Have they been elected to speak as one with a single voice? Did they get together in one gigantic room and debate, analyze and look at evidence in order to vote and be able to speak with their one gigantic voice?”


Imagine that all of Twitter Nation was made up of 3 Twits. Imagine further (stay with me on this) one was a Carpenter in Wichita, another was a Symphony Conductor in Budapest and the third one was Whale Fisherman shipping out of a port on the east coast of Siberia. Imagine (are you still with me?) one day they all Tweeted and 2 of the 3 said that Columbus was wrong and the world was obviously flat. Would it actually be flat because Twitter Nation said it was?


Magnify my Silly example to the point where there are 880 Million Twits. One day 51% of them say that Columbus was wrong and the world was obviously flat. Would it actually be flat because Twitter Nation said it was?


I’m sure I have made my point brilliantly but I am also sure a whole bunch of you just thought to your collective selves about the subject of this bit of Foolishness, “Does God Tweet?”


Please allow me to brilliantly explain that also…

Ø My newspaper just told me that things are going from worst to awfully worst in Venezuela.

Ø The Vatican’s Silence about what has been going on in Venezuela has been deafening until it recently issued a statement wherein the Vatican said it was expressing, “Profound Concern”.

Ø The Catholic Bishops of Venezuela felt this was far from an adequate and they decided to bypass the Pope and appeal directly to God Himself when they Tweeted a Prayer, “to free our homeland from the claws of communism and socialism”.


We are not in the habit of Praying to Politicians or to Athletes or to Movie Stars (although I am not so sure that this does not happen a lot more than we realize).


No, when we pray, We Pray To God.


Now do you see why the Subject of this Silliness is, “Does God Tweet?” It was because the communication medium used by the Venezuelan Bishops to pray to God was Twitter?


Venezuela has enough on their plate without me getting involved. I do wish them all the luck in the world with a few miracles thrown in but I sure hope God is not actually sitting on a cloud up in heaven Tweeting.


If he is, please tell me. I get on my knees a lot when I communicate with Him. My knees are not in the same shape as they were in years past. If lying on my back and Tweeting would work just as well, I’m ready to give it a try.


Would I kid u?


Monday, August 07, 2017

Union Officials Have Been Stealing Unbelievable amounts Of Money From The United Auto Workers Union And The Watch Dogs Were Not Watching

They have finally been caught but not before a major participant in the long running scheme had died. Since he is dead, I guess it can’t be said he was “caught”.


In bullet point format here are the kinds of things that were going on for many years…

Ø The guy who is dead teamed up with his bargaining-table opponent at Fiat Chrysler.

Ø Federal Officials say they and other conspirators skimmed millions from the UAW National Training Center, a tax-exempt, Fiat Chrysler-funded entity that was supposed to help union automotive workers get job training.

Ø Bought Limited Edition Gold Montblanc Pens.

Ø Bought a $350,000 Ferrari.

Ø Installed a Swimming Pool, Outdoor Kitchen and a Spa at one of the Union Official’s homes.

Ø Paid off a relative’s Student Loans.

Ø Spent $425,000 at a swag company owned by the wife of one of the Union Officials.

Ø $70,000 was funneled to a Union Boss’ Wife’s photography business.

Ø Paid for a Union Boss’ Wife’s first-class plane tickets.

Ø Paid for a Union Boss’ Wife’s $12,400 four-night stay at a Beverly Hills Hotel.

Ø A Union Boss paid off a $262,000 mortgage on a townhouse he and his wife owned.


The Feds say these scams ran for six and a half years before being uncovered.


Since 2001 at least 47 of the UAW’s members, including officials at several locals, have pleaded guilty to corruption and embezzlement charges.


A Union Official said of the scandal, “The UAW has zero tolerance for corruption or wrongdoing of this kind at any level.”


I guess this has to be called, Long Term and Ongoing Zero Tolerance.


Would I kid u?



Lagniappe: Can’t you just hear the Stealing Guys’ Lawyer saying in court, “Your Honor, I find it hard to believe the Prosecuting Attorney just said what he just said. He actually said he was against showing compassion for that impoverished former student who, through no fault of his own, was left burdened with all of those Student Loans. Paying off those loans was as caring an act generosity as I have ever seen. If my client had not stolen this money, he could never have helped his relative in this manner. Your Honor, I am a bit surprised that you even allowed such mean accusations into your courtroom. However, I am willing to forget this lapse on your part in the hope that we can move on to more serious issues like why it is absolutely necessary for Montblanc Pens to be carried by any Union Negotiator as he approaches the Negotiation Table.”

Saturday, August 05, 2017

To Be Perfectly Honest With You, I Don’t Get That Excited About These Things.

Please don’t add a Comment to this Blog Posting telling me you can’t believe I took the time to waste my time to put this Silliness out.


Actually I am a little bit ashamed to let it be known that I actually took the time to make up this list of some of the Commemorative Days we are silly enough to “celebrate” in the Good Ole USofA.


However, because I did waste my time in this manner, I now know (and you are about to know) that almost every day of the year appears to be designated as a day to Commemorate Something Or Other. Almost all days commemorate more than one thing and many days go into double digits listings of the things that that particular day “Celebrates”.


I wasted a lot of time figuring all this out and making up the list below. If you want to waste your time go to:


Creampuff Day

Drinking Straw Day

Clean Your Floors Day…

Lazy Day

World Lion Day

Ice Cream Sandwich Day…

Underwear Day

Two Different Colored Shoes Day

Rice Pudding Day

Work Like A Dog Day

Lumpy Rug Day

Shortbread Day

Root Beer Float Day

Lost Sock Day

Have a Bad Day Day

International Childfree Day (Are you wondering what this one is? It’s the celebration by people who chose not to have any children of the fact that they chose not to have children.)

Chicken Dance Day

Paper Airplane Day

World Toilet Day

Buy Nothing Day

Put A Pillow On Your Fridge Day

Leave the Office Earlier Day

Onion Rings Day

Squirrel Appreciation Day

Wiggle Your Toes Day

S’mores Day

Emma M Nutt Day (Are you wondering again? She was the world's first female telephone operator.)

Tin Can Day

Crème Brulee Day

Talk In An Elevator Day

Bittersweet Chocolate with Almonds Day

Get Over It Day

Goof Off Day

Weed Appreciation Day

Turkey Vulture Day

Pet Rock Day

Cheese Pizza Day

Procrastination Day

Fight Procrastination Day

Salami Day

Beer Lovers Day

Iguana Awareness Day

Wonderful Weirdos Day

Swap Ideas Day

Make Your Bed Day

International Red Panda Day

Corned Beef Hash Day


Imagine if you were on the committee that Designates Commemorative Days. You are at the water cooler talking with a fellow Commemorative Day Designation Associate…

Guy #1… “I can’t believe that we are paid to come up with these Silly Designations.”

Guy #2… “I must admit that I continue to be amazed at this whole process.”

Guy #1… “I’m beginning to get a very uneasy feeling that the public will stop paying attention to our designations.”

Guy #2… “What have you been smoking? Do you actually believe that anyone pays any attention to what we do? I would be willing to bet that we could designate a day honoring Specks of Dust and call it Speck of Dust Awareness Day and no one would ever know that we had declared such a day.”

Guy #1… “You forgot that we did declare such a day last year and, you are right, no one noticed our handiwork.”

Guy #2… “I can’t believe that we are paid to come up with these Silly Designations.”

Guy #1… “I must admit that I continue to be amazed at this whole process.”


Using January 2017 as a start I estimated that there are more than 1,300 Designated Celebration Days every year. (I counted up the number of days in January and multiplied by 12.) No, I did not take the time to count up the entire year. I was afraid you would think I was being silly.


Would I kid u?



Lagniappe: The next thing I will have to waste my time on is Official Days. If you are like me, you have said to yourself, “Did my television just tell me that that toothpaste was the Official Toothpaste of the National Football League?”

Monday, July 31, 2017

Who Let The Dogs Out?

No One Told Me!


All of a sudden I am seeing dogs in places where dogs used to be not allowed. How do all these owners get the word all at the same time that Fido is now allowed to enter where Fidos used to fear to tread?


In the last few weeks I have seen dogs in the following Never Before Places...

Ø 2 in Walmart on the same day.

Ø Inside a Hyatt Regency.

Ø Jogging around and around my High School Track with his Master in tow (Yea, I know we are not supposed to say “Master”).

Ø In a Starbucks where the dog’s owner thought it was funny when the dog stood up on its hind legs and licked the counter where they placed your purchased finish product (Yea, I know I’m not supposed to say “Owner”).

Ø 2 in Lowes on the same day.

Ø On a Tour Bus.

Ø A whole bunch in the Ritz Carlton (I’ve already blogged about them).

None of them had Service Jackets on.


Maybe, since I don’t have a dog, I was not sent the memo.


Yea, I know…Dogs are people too.


Would I kid u?



Sunday, July 30, 2017

Jimmy Olson To Perry White, “Which Headline Should I use?” Perry White To Jimmy Olson, “I’ve Told You A Thousand Times What Headline Configuration You Should Always Use! What’sTheMatterWithYou?”

Jimmy Olsen may be slow but you, my dear reader, are not…Or are you?


I’ll let you decide between the two headlines below. I have no doubt you will pick the one that CNN used…Or do I have doubt?


Headline #1:

MS-13 members: Trump makes the gang stronger.

Headline #2:

Nassau Police Official: We never ever ask immigration status of any victim or witness.


Can you guess which one CNN used? It’s Number 1, of course. Let’s let Perry White make it clear to you as he educates hapless Jimmy Olsen…

“Jimmy, we always want to lead with the dire outlook. The public needs to be kept on edge. We need them to worry. It’s good for the sale of our newspapers.”

MS-13 is awful. The major thrust of the article that started me on this tirade appears to be that the awful people in this gang are killing innocent people in very violent ways and are growing more powerful all the time.


Strangely enough, the article proposes that we should do nothing about them because doing something about them will make them stronger.


The thinking appears to be that, if we ignore them, they will continue to get more powerful and awful but they will get more powerful and awful at a slower pace.


You can read all about it or you can listen to the video. Whichever one you choose, you will see or hear this quote:

“I can say without any doubt ... we never, never ask any (immigration) status and we don't care, on victims and witnesses," said Detective Sgt. Michael Morino of Nassau County Police's gang investigation squad.”


Why is this not the Headline of this article? Why are we not telling Illegal Immigrants in the Headline (that’s all that many people read) that they should have no fear of deportation if they cooperate with the police?


Instead, we are told that everything is spiraling out of control and any attempt to do anything about it is hopeless because Witnesses and Victims are afraid to help the police protect them. It even implies they should be afraid of the police.


Since you may be thinking that I am kidding you, click on this link to the article and read all about it:


Would I kid u?


Lagniappe: Starting at about 2:24 of the video there is shown a Crime Poster showing the faces of 18 MS-13 Members. This is good because they are letting the public know that it should be wary of these individuals who may harm them. Don’t get too excited about this “warning poster” because the faces of 18 MS-13 Members on the poster are smudged out so we can’t identify them. If you think I made this up, check the video out for yourself or just look at photo below.

MS-13 Smudges