The guy who came up with Black Friday was a Retail Marketing Genius. Every year he has all of America jumping through his Frenzied-Gotta-Go-Buy-Something-Today Hoop.
I take great pride in stating that I am not one of the Frenzied Hoop Jumpers. My having said that, in the interest of Openness and Transparency, I feel compelled to state that I just happened to be in a Gun Store on Black Friday last. I was simply walking through said Gun Store when a Black Friday Unbelievably Low Priced Gun caught my attention and I was moved to buy it.
This was a rather expensive walk through. Next Black Friday I plan to walk through Dollar Tree.
As I was checking out with my impulsive gun, I looked into the display case in front of me and I saw a Knife for $120. I have always been of a mind to believe that $10 was a good price for a knife. I said to the clerk, “That’s a lot to pay for a knife”. He replied as he was trained to reply to uninformed Non-Black-Friday Shoppers who were in his store on Black Friday, “It’s a good knife”.
After making my purchase I decided to walk around the store. Most men like to walk around gun stores even more than walking around Home Depot. It’s just as awe inspiring as Home Depot but it is definitely more exciting.
The first display case I came to made the $120 Knife look cheap. I found I was looking at a $500 Knife. It was not even a Gigantic Bowie Knife. It was shorter than a Butter Knife. This astounding price was significantly over what I paid for my impulsive gun. I found myself thinking to myself, “Self, that’s a lot to pay for a knife and it does not even shoot people”.
Maybe this should not have surprised me so because of what had happened in a North Carolina Hardware Store the prior weekend. There I found myself looking in a display case that had a Watch priced at $13 sitting next to a Pair of Sunglasses priced at $150.
Maybe the Helpful Hardware Person (formerly known as Helpful Hardware Man) was thinking that, if you were stupid enough not to care about accurate time, you were dumb enough to pay $150 for a pair of sunglasses that made you look cool and which you were going to leave in a coffee shop within the next two weeks.
------------------------
Let’s get back to the Retail Marketing Genius who invented Black Friday.
There must certainly be a statue of that guy in the Retail Marketing Hall of Fame. He deserves to be on that pedestal but I am not so sure about the copycat wannabe “geniuses” who are trying to manipulate us with…
Ø Pre-Black Friday Thursday (Yes, I am sorry to say that this is Thanksgiving Day) where we flock into stores in the late afternoon on the day before Black Friday to get a jump on the Wide-Eyed Black Friday Buyers who will be charging into the stores on Black Friday Morning because they do not know about Pre-Black Friday Thursday.
Ø Small Business Saturday (day after Black Friday) where we are instructed to shop at the Mom and Pop Stores still out there.
Ø Cyber Monday (Monday after Black Friday) where we are required to shop online in order to keep the Internet Millionaires Millionaires.
Ø Giving Tuesday (Tuesday after the Monday after Black Friday) this is the newest Hoop Day. On this day we are encouraged to give money to charity. This one will probably not last long because we don’t have any money left to give away because we spent it all on Pre-Black Friday Thursday, Black Friday, Small Business Saturday and Cyber Monday.
How long will it be before we just forget all about Thanksgiving Day and start Black Friday in the wee hours of Pre-Black Friday Thursday?
Will this Copycat Madness never end? What’s next? Maybe I ought to jump in here and create a day that will be to my own selfish benefit…
Foolishness Wednesday… This would be a day where everyone spends the entire day reading Foolishness…Or It Its. Yes, I do have enough to keep the Silly People of the world busy all day (especially if I release the 1,036 currently in my computer’s Next Book Folder.)
No I’m not going to pursue this course of action. If I did, the next thing you know there would be a Statue of the Fella on a Pedestal with pigeons having their way with him.
Worse yet, before you know it they would be tying a rope to his statue’s neck and yanking him down like Saddam Hussein was yanked down because they (whoever “they” are) found out what he did with Peggy Sue’s Pigtail with That Ink Well 66 Years Ago.
I would just hate to see his statue thrown on the Statue Ash Heap of History.
Let’s face it many of those Torn Down Statue People probably did a lot less evil than what he did to poor unsuspecting Peggy Sue’s Pigtail.
Maybe I ought to profusely apologize to Peggy Sue and her Pigtail.
Would I kid u?
Smartfella
Lagniappe: From my It Could Be Worse Department…The latest Costco Flier tells me I can rush down and buy a Japanese Wagyu Boneless Ribeye 12 Pound Roast for only $1,299.99 (Wow! That’s not even $1,300!). That’s only $108.33 per pound. Thankfully, it is on special with $200 off and at only $1,099.99 it’s only $91.67 per pound.
Special Note: The word “only” is used four times in the above Lagniappe. There ought to be Federal Law preventing the use of the word “only” anywhere inside the above Lagniappe.
