Saturday, March 04, 2017

At First They Laughed At Me But When I Told Them My Story Line They Stopped Laughing

The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences has become very transparent. There was a time when the Awarding of an Oscar was acknowledged as a Very Prestigious Event and a Symbol of Excellence for the recipient but not so any more.


Sorry Oscar Lovers out there but, in this writer’s opinion, all too many of these former Symbols of Excellence have become awards for subject matter ... Racial Harmony, Sexual Identity, Political Correctness, Environmental Concerns, etc.


Convinced that I am right in this belief, I decided to test it out and, if it is proven to be correct, I will get me an Academy Award. In short order I came up with a Story Line that would guarantee my taking home my Oscar. I set out for Hollywood determined to make my movie and become Movie Famous.


I was really excited after I easily secured an opportunity to make a presentation to one of the major film studios. However, it quickly became apparent that I was facing an unceremonious rejection and I was moments away from seeing the backs of my audience as they headed out the door to an early happy hour. Thank heaven I realized my mistake and changed the order of my presentation and, from that moment on, everything changed for the better.


I had mistakenly started off telling them of my movie making credentials. This was silly of me because I had no movie making credentials. Actually I have only seen about 3 movies in the last 10 years.


The reversal of fortune happened when I started presenting my Story Line...

Ø I told them that my movie was about a member of a minority group. I did not even specify which Minority Group because it is of no never mind to Hollywood which Minority Group is being portrayed on the silver screen. The only thing that matters to Hollywood is that the film is about a Minority Group and any Minority Group will fill the bill.

Ø Once I told them that my hero (I had named him Roger) was born with a decided limp, they were like putty in my hands.

Ø Roger had worked for years on Wall Street and he took pleasure in seeing little people lose their life fortunes while he got rich on their losses.

Ø When Roger decided that Nuclear Power was the worst evil to ever be foisted upon person kind, he turned away from fame and fortune on Wall Street and never looked back.

Ø He devoted his very existence to fighting against the Nuclear Energy Industry and on weekends he joined up with a group that tried to prevent whaling ships from getting anywhere near a whale.

Ø Roger carried his passion even further when he began specializing in Nuclear Energy Companies which also had a vested interest in the Coal Industry.

Ø Roger went further than further by singling out Nuclear Companies active in the Coal Industry who’s Boards of Directors had a history of eating steak.

Ø For the rest of his life he fought with every fiber of his being against anything with the word “Big” in it (Big Box, Big Steel, Big Noodle, Big Ben, Big Oil, Big Brother, Big Sister, Big Pharma, Big Wheels).

Ø He worked out of his meager apartment which he shared with his Significant Other who also had a Decided Limp.


As I finished the above Story Line I could actually see that the irises of their eyes had been replaced by little Statues of Oscar.


We start shooting next week.


See you next year at the Oscars!


Would I kid u?