Thursday, September 21, 2017

Another Windfall For Me

I keep coming up with these ways to become rich beyond belief. All I require is an Insane Stinking Rich Person and an Insane Idea that will appeal to his Insanity.

 

I came up with this Insane Idea a few weeks back and it has taken me to now to come up with the Insane Stinking Rich Person to make it a reality. I have him committed now and, since he is crazy, he is chomping at the bit to give me an insane amount of his money.

 

This is the best one yet!

 

My Crazy Guy Has Agreed To Give Me…

Ø A Nickel for every time I see a North Korean clap on TV. You don’t get it? Watch the news tonight. When the Federal Government Required North Korean Nightly News Clip comes on showing their Daily Gigantic Meeting, see if you can count the claps. (Trust me, you will not be able to count the claps.)

Ø A dime for every time one of those North Korean Clappers Claps as he is jumping up and down in complete admiration for his Little Fat Leader Guy.

Ø Another nickel for every Medal for Heroism pinned on the Chest of those Hundreds of Generals who have never been in Harm’s Way that always surround the Little Fat Leader Guy.

Ø Another dime for every Medal for Heroism pinned on the Pant Leg or Shirt Sleeve of those Hundreds of Generals who have never been in Harm’s Way that always surround the Little Fat Leader Guy.

 

Don’t believe me about the Pant Legs and Sleeves? See below…

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

MagnetAttackOnKorean

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

I’ve been told that Yahoo did not set up the Foolishness…Or Is It? link again.

Sorry.

Yahoo does this from time to time.

You can do either of these 2 tricks:

  • Copy the link (forii.blogspot.com) and paste it in the URL Address Bar at the top of your browser and let your browser go find it.
  • Highlight the link, right click it and click…"Go To Web Address".

I'll try and watch out for Yahoo messing it up in the future and fix it before it goes out.

FellaO

Hurricane Hysteria

Disclaimer: I wish to declare up front that I am not making light of Hurricanes or Hurricane Damage and Suffering. I am just pointing out that our News Reporting is obsessed with always making approaching hurricanes sound a dire as is possible. May I also point out that, thank heaven, humor is still to be found is even dire happenings, as is demonstrated by the Lady In The Boat Harbour With The Microphone below.

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As bad as it was, thank heaven it was not as bad as the News Media reported it was going to be…

image

“Nuclear Hurricane”? ... I expected to see a Mushroom Shaped Cloud going from city to city.

 

Today is 9/20/17 and we have Hurricane Maria out there. The Governor of Puerto Rico is trying top the Mayor of Miami Beach’s “Nuclear Hurricane” comment by releasing this statement…

“No generation has seen a hurricane like this since San Felipe II in 1928. This is an unprecedented atmospheric system.”

We’ll just have to wait and see.

------------------------

I know these things are unpredictable but some of the hysteria was just downright out of sight…

Ø At 11 pm Saturday my TV kept saying it was a Cat 5 Hurricane and, by that time, it was not still a Cat 5.

Ø One reporter said it was possible that Miami Hi-Rise Building could collapse but he gave us hope when he said he thought they would not fall down.

Ø He also said they expected 150mph winds at the bottom of these Hi-Risers and higher up on the building the winds would be 225mph. Maybe it was. I don’t know.

Ø Friday night it was reported that the Last Fuel Truck had come and gone and almost every station was out of gas. Saturday morning it was reported that most stations had gas, the traffic going north was light and there were no lines at the service stations.

Ø I don’t get cable TV anymore but I do get news clips. I was watching news clips on Saturday Afternoon for about 20 minutes before I figured out that they were showing me news clips from Friday Night and not telling me that it was not up to the moment reporting. Stop and think about this. Why show old clips at all? People watching could be told to get out now but by Saturday Afternoon the official word was stay put because it is too late to make it out. Or there was no gas to buy, when there was gas to buy.

Ø I heard one frenzied reporter say in very alarming tones, “The water in the bay is churning!” I bet it did more than churn before the storm had passed.

Ø I clicked on a screen that read “Live Streaming Coverage”. I stared at this Live Streaming Coverage Screen waiting for the Live Coverage before I realized that their Live Coverage had died because the screen never changed.

Ø Of course there were the Adjectives (there are always the Adjectives)…Herculean, Devastating, Catastrophic, Monstrous, Decimated (None of them know that this does not mean Completely Destroying Every City or Killing Every Person but Destroying or Killing every 10th City or Person) (Yea, I know it can also mean Destroy Large Proportion of Something, which is closer to what they are trying to say, but I am being picky).

Ø The Storm Surge was predicted to be the big problem/killer. I had a lot of trouble trying to find out what the actual Storm Surge had been after the storm but before the storm the news reporting would not stop talking about it. Naples was reported to be going to get 12’ to 18’ of Storm Surge. After the storm I found an interview with the Mayor of Naples who referred to the Storm Surge as “minimal”.

Ø In the same interview, the interviewer said that the wind had been 142 MPH in Naples. The reporter hysteria rose significantly when she said “142 MPH”. The Mayor down played it by saying that 142 MPH was only a wind gust at the airport and not a sustained wind. The interviewer seemed very disappointed with his clarification.

------------------------

Finally, I saw this Lady In the Boat Harbour with a Microphone and the biggest eyes you could ever imagine. Two things she reported on made me scratch my head…

Ø She was standing on a dock that had 4 empty slips behind her. She said that the marina used to be full but almost all the boats had been moved out by their owners for safety reasons. What she did not understand was that the camera could see beyond the 4 empty slips. The rest of the marina was cram packed with boats.

Ø Then she moved to the left of the 4 empty slips and the camera moved to the boat that was tied up in that slip. She said something like this, For the boats that remain, their owners have secured them with ropes. I thought to myself… When there is no threat of a hurricane, do the owners just leave them floating around the marina?

 

Yea, I know I’m being picky.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Monday, September 18, 2017

My Dear Readers, I Accept No Responsibility! It’s All Your Fault!

When I published my Little-Read Book, Foolishness…Or Is It? many years ago I created a Folder in my computer entitled “Next Book”. Every time I wrote another posting to my blog, I put that new posting is this folder.

 

At that point in my “Literary Career”, I thought that my book’s boundless success was assured if I got about 50 of you Dear Readers on my Notification List (actually there are 70 of you on the list at present).

 

You would then take over and tell all your friends about my Clever Use of Words, my Irrefutable Logic and my Delightful Humor-Filled Writing Style and I would be famous and I would be a frequent guest on Literary Panel Discussions on TV every time I turned around.

 

That’s what I anticipated but I am far from famous and have not been on a single Literary Panel Discussion and It’s All Your Fault!

 

It’s certainly not my fault that You Do Not Have Many Friends!

 

As of today, my Next Book Folder has 1,008 Foolishness…Or Is It Postings in it and they are covered with computer dust and, sadly to say, Foolishness…Or Is It? (Volumes 2 through 13) will never be.

 

Did I say it is all your fault?

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Friday, September 15, 2017

Our Judicial System Depends On Legal Precedent And That’s A Good Thing…Or Is It?

Seattle Mayor Says He’ll Resign after 5th Molestation Claim Surfaces

Here is an excerpt from a 9/12/17 news article…

“Seattle Mayor Ed Murray will resign the mayor’s office announced Tuesday afternoon hours after news broke that a fifth man has accused the mayor of molesting him as a child.

 

Murray said in a statement that he will resign effective 5 p.m. Wednesday. City Council President Bruce Harrell is expected to serve as mayor until the November election.

 

For months, Murray has faced allegations that he sexually abused homeless boys he encountered decades ago. On Wednesday, Murray’s cousin Joseph Dyer levied similar allegations, saying he felt moved to act because of Murray’s treatment of his accusers.”

------------------------

This is from a Web Site called The Eectric Law Library

“PRECEDENT…Legal principle, created by a court decision, which provides an example or authority for judges deciding similar issues later. Generally, decisions of higher courts (within a particular system of courts) are mandatory precedent on lower courts within that system--that is, the principle announced by a higher court must be followed in later cases.

 

I only copied the beginning of the definition. As is normally the case with legalize, it goes on to be very confusing. If you want to get confused click here: http://www.lectlaw.com/def2/p069.htm  

------------------------

I state upfront I am not a lawyer. I, however, am an accomplished Blogger of Foolishness (Or Is It?). Here is my Foolish (Or Is It?) Commentary…

 

Focus your mind’s eye on the courtroom of Judge Elmer Fudd as the Defense Attorney, Snidley Whiplash, takes the floor…

 

Your honor, I am mystified that my client is being subjected to this ill advised court action. My client has admitted to 4 instances of Child Molestation. That fact being established and admitted to, may I draw the court’s attention to the case of Murray v A Whole Bunch Seattle’s Of Little Boys in 2017.

 

Legal Precedence clearly dictates that the threshold of justice has not been crossed until and after the 5th child has been molested.

 

It is as plain as any case ever before this court that 4 is not 5 and until 5 is 5 it is still 4. Therefore, there exist no basis in the law to bring my sleazy client before this court or, dare I say, before any court of law across the Fruited Plain.

 

I ask the court to throw out this case based on Established Legal Precedence and issue an apology to my client.

 

As much as I am not in favor of bringing law suits against our Judicial System itself, I feel obligated to point out that I can definitely see the possibility of such a court action. I can see the headline clearly…

Sexual Harasser Files Law Suit Claiming Harassment of a Sexual Harasser Before He Has Admitted To All Of His Sexual Harassing

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

4 New Things I Learned And 1 New Conclusion Drawn As A Result Of Our 28 Hour Irma Caused No Electricity Saga

Learned… Gravity still works when you lose Electricity. If you see Sir Isaac Newton around your neck of the woods, tell him we appreciate his setting up the Law of Gravity this way, otherwise we would not have been able to take Showers.

 

Learned… If I sit in front of a TV that does not light up because it does not have electricity while the Saints are playing on Monday Night Football, the Saints still lose.

 

Learned… The Force of Habit is very strong. During a 28 hour power outage, I stumbled into 112 rooms with a flashlight in hand but still flipped the light switch as I entered or exited.

 

Learned… Cell Phones still work. Thank Heaven! This means Facebook Obsessed America (not me) can keep up with all of its “friends” (the far greater majority of these “friends” they will never meet in their entire lives)…

Ø They can tell them they had a Peanut Butter Sandwich for lunch (Who the heck cares?).

Ø They can tell them they changed their Facebook Picture (Who the heck cares?).

Ø They can tell them they just dozed off while watching a Nuclear Hurricane Irma mess up Florida (Did I really just peck out Nuclear Hurricane?).

 

Don’t blame me for this Nuclear Exaggeration. I did not come up with it. The Mayor of Miami Beach coined that phrase. I expected to see a Mushroom Shaped Cloud sweep across Florida.

 

Concluded… I have now concluded that a large number of people that I used to disagree with are right about something I disagreed with them about. I speak of those who say that it is not fair that some of us have more than some of us. I now believe that, if I lose electricity, the electricity of everyone else in the Good Ole USofA who did not lose electricity should be cut off. It only fair!

 

Those of you who are still without power don’t know it yet but you have this Blog Posting to look forward to when you get your power back. That’s a good thing…Or is it?

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Monday, September 11, 2017

Protecting The Privacy Of Criminals Is Guaranteed By The Constitution…Or Is It? (Part 1 of 3)

Why are we even having this conversation? What conversation you ask? Did I neglect to tell you? Please forgive me. The conversation is…

Is Criminal Privacy Protection Really More Important Than Law Abiding Citizen Protection?

BART is the public transportation system in the San Francisco Bay Area. BART is concerned about Racial Stereotyping, therefore, it was refusing to show videos it had in its possession of criminals committing crimes on its trains.

 

A lawsuit was filed to force BART to show the bad guys doing the bad things they did.

 

Click the 7/26/17 link below to hear all about BART’s “principled” stand…

http://video.foxnews.com/v/5521961383001/?#sp=show-clips

------------------------

Eventually BART was forced to release a video and here is what happened…

Suspect Arrested in 2 Unprovoked Attacks on BART Trains

By Filipa Joannou and Alison Graham

Updated 4:43pm, Monday, August 7, 2017

 

“A suspect in two unprovoked attacks on passengers riding on BART trains in the past week was arrested Monday morning, 2.5 hours after police released surveillance photos of him, officials said.

 

BART Deputy Police Chief Ed Alvarez said an Oakland firefighter recognized the suspect from the surveillance images and reported him to police.”

 

I wonder if BART now sees the correlation between Releasing the Videos and Catching Bad Guys who attacked its Law Abiding Citizen Riders or are we about to hear and see a Bart Spokesman step up to the mike and issue a lawyer-approved statement that goes something like this?...

I wish to assure our criminal element riders that they should not draw any erroneous conclusions about this being an on-going policy regarding BART’s continued release of videos showing you non-law abiding criminals committing crimes on our trains.

Our lawyers are in consultation at this very moment finding out exactly how this release happened. At this moment we are baffled but BART wants our Criminal Ridership to know that we have your best interest at heart.

Yes, we are very aware that Criminals Are People Too!

------------------------

I also wonder if one of BART’s concerns is loss of revenue if criminals were to quit riding their trains.

 

If so, I feel certain the Federal Government probably has funds set aside to supplement BART’s income until they can entice the criminals to start riding (and attacking) again.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: There was a famous Bear Actor (a real Kodiak Bear that was an actor in many movies) that killed his trainer on April 23, 2008. The Bear Actor was named BART. I wonder if there is a video of BART killing his trainer. If there is a video of BART killing his trainer, I wonder if they smudged out BART’s Head in the interest of Bart’s Privacy Concerns.

Saturday, September 09, 2017

Senator Foghorn Leghorn Is Really Angry And He’s Not The Only One


This angry exchange just took place on the floor of the Senate…

Ø Senator Leghorn: “What the hell is going on here! I’ve been lied to for the whole time I have been in this here Senate!”

Ø The Guy with the Hammer Who Just Had His Facebooking Interrupted by Senator Leghorn’s Outburst: “Senator, this is the foremost deliberative body in the world and we do not allow the use of words like “hell” while we are engaged in foremost deliberating!”

Ø Senator Leghorn: “I apologize, your honor, but this is outrageous! From the first day I had the high honor of walking into this hallowed chamber, I have been told that the Road Was Endless. I was assured that I did not need to worry about Kicking the Can Down the Road because the road was never ending. All I had to do was to keep kicking and one day pigeons would be pooping on my statue. Now, my Ivy League Educated Pompous Aide just told me that someday we are going to have to take action on at least a couple of kicked down stuff like…Debt Limit, DACA, North Korea, Tax Reform, Obamacare, Crumbling Infrastructure, ISIS, Hurricane Disaster Relief, NAFTA, that Iran Deal (whatever that’s about), Balance of Payments, Inflation, Military Preparedness, Venezuela, Low Interest Rates, High Interest Rates, etc.”

Ø The Guy with the Hammer Who Just Had His Facebooking Interrupted by Senator Leghorn’s Outburst: “Calm down, Senator, it’s Football Season. The folks back home are paying us no never mind. Once Football Season is over it will be Basketball Playoffs. Then we just have to make it through a few months where we have to act like we are doing something about something. Then it will be Football Season and the cycle repeats itself. Relax, pigeons will be pooping on your statue before you know it. So you see, my good friend, The Road is Endless.”



Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Tuesday, September 05, 2017

Bedeviling Is Easy


On the front page of the 9/5/17 USA Today is this headline…

DACA Could Bedevil Congress

I thought this was amusing and my silly mind started thinking about other things that could Bedevil Congress. I was covered up by a virtual avalanche of things that could send our 9% Approval Rated Congress into a tizzy. …

Ø Oh my gosh! We are back from Recess (aks: Home Work Period, Vacation, Time Off, Kick the Can Down the Road Practice Breaks)! What do we do now?

Ø Quick someone help me out here! That nosey reporter just asked me which state I represent. I’ve been here so long I can’t remember.

Ø What's this Quorum Thing we keep talking about?

Ø What do you mean I have to cast a vote today? I don’t have time now. I’m very busy updating my Facebook Page about what I had for lunch.

Ø No I will not be able to make a speech on the floor this afternoon. I have set aside time to work on that special project President Reagan gave to me a while back. I have a feeling he is going to be looking me up and asking what my conclusions are any day now. He’s not known to be a patient man, you know.

Ø What do you mean Martha’s Vineyard is not my State? I have been going there for 23 years on my Recess, Home Work Period, Vacation, Time Off and my Kick the Can Down the Road Practice Breaks. They really seem to like me there. Now I know why they always say to me, “Senator, I’d vote for you, if I could.” Next thing you will try and tell me is that Martha’s Vineyard is not even a State at all.



I could go on and on but I think you get my drift.



Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Sunday, September 03, 2017

It’s Not That I Don’t Trust My Fellow Man, It’s Just That My Fellow Man Keeps Stealing From Me

If you are a Buckster (one who frequents Starbucks), you may not care to read this Blog Posting because you just don’t care about Starbucks or anything having to do with Starbucks but think before you delete because this Blog Posting is not really about Starbucks.

 

If you think that Your Fellow Man is honest as the day is long, you might be well advised to read this Blog Posting because that hand in your pocket may not be yours.

 

Starbucks has a Rewards Program (doesn’t everybody?) for their frequent customers. If you are a Buckster and you spend a fortune in their stores, Mr. Starbuck will see to it that you get a small something worth a small something to keep you coming back to spend another fortune.

 

This Foolishness…Or Is It? is actually about the lengths your fellow man will go to to become eligible for a small something worth a small something at the Starbucks Store of his choice.

 

Here is where the plot thickens…

Costco sells Starbucks French Roast Beans in 2.5 pound bags.

 

On these bags is a Peel-Off Sticker with a code that you can transmit to Starbucks and receive 20 Points toward a small something worth a small something.

 

Being sly, cunning and alert I have taken note (remember I am a Noticer) that my fellow man has started pulling off the Stickers of the displayed bags of Starbucks Beans that are waiting for me to come to buy them and get my Rewards Sticker.

 

Maybe this is a shortcoming of mine but I never would have thought of doing something like this.

 

I wonder if there were a display in Costco’s with a pad of pull-off coupons with a sign that read, “Take a coupon (please take only one coupon) and bring to that unsavory looking big guy just outside the store entrance. His name is Mongo. Present your coupon to Mongo and he will hall off and punch you right in your nose as hard as he can.”

 

I would be willing to bet that some of my Fellow Men would take more than one coupon just because they could not help taking more than one coupon.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

I Don’t Normally Do Two Blog Postings In The Same Day But This Is Big News About How Valuable Some Of Us Are

I just heard the Attorney General of Texas say that the Fine for Price Gouging in Texas is Up To $20,000 and the Fine for Price Gouging Senior Citizens in Texas is Up To $250,000!

 

If we only got a piece of that $250,000 that would be great but I Googled it and found out the extra $205,000 goes the Crooked Politicians Retirement Fund.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

Question: “What Exactly Is It That You Are, Little Fella?” Response: “I’m A Despised And Feared Peanut.”

Being a Peanut used to be a wonderful thing. You were sought after for taste and nutrition. You got to sponsor TV Shows like Hopalong Cassidy. Howdy Doody had a special place for you on his show and children were thrilled to sit in The Peanut Gallery and make silly faces and wave at the camera.

 

That was then and this is now and now is tough on the Lowly Despised and Feared Peanut…

·       Airlines are afraid to serve peanuts because passengers might eat them, get sick and sue the airline or not get sick and still sue the airline for exposing them to Second-Hand Peanut Breath emitted by the peanut eating flyers.

·       Grocery store shoppers have sued grocers for having had to walk through aisles where peanuts are displayed. Testimony was given in court like this, “It was horrifying! I was texting my way through the aisle where the uncaring grocer had displayed peanuts in plain view for all to be exposed to and all of a sudden there they were … Peanuts! I was extremely offended and I actually felt threatened!”

·       (I did not make this one up.) My local Minor League Baseball Team (Gwinnett Braves) is having a Peanut Free Game. The promo goes like this…for one game we will create an environment where our fans with peanut allergies can come to the ballpark and enjoy a game to its fullest.

·       WhatDoYaWannaBet we will soon be seeing demonstrations to ban peanuts from all games? The proof of the Gwinnett Braves evil intent will be the fact that the team admitted to the hazards presented by Peanuts by having a Peanut Free Game.

 

It is awful! About the only “good” thing that comes out of all this is that a whole bunch of Lawyers got a whole bunch of new Lexus’.

 

Footnote to History: Most people think Jimmy Carter walked in his Inaugural Day Parade because he wanted to walk. Actually, his Peanut Mobile had not broken down, so he had to walk.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: If you want to quibble with me for using Lexus’ to denote more than one Lexus, click this link to see that I am not the only one confused about how to spell more than one Lexus…

http://www.cartalk.com/content/my-husband-and-i-recently-had-question-we-thought

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Accused: I’m Innocent Because I Did Not Do That Bad Thing! Response: Why Do You Think Not Doing That Bad Thing Means You Are Not Guilty Of Having Done That Bad Thing?

I am going to digress before I even get started on this Foolishness because I recently heard the Above Subject’s Craziness put forth as part of an otherwise Controlled and Sane Discussion on my TV.

 

My TV actually apologized to me when the Otherwise Controlled and Sane Discussion was finished. This is the first time my TV Apologized to me. The way things are going recently, I expect I will be apologized to by my TV repeatedly in the future.

 

The Otherwise Controlled and Sane Discussion participant actually said that an alive today grandson of Robert E. Lee should be held accountable for what his Great Great Great Great Great Great Grandpa Robert E. did.

 

This will become known in the Judicial Proceedings of the Future as… Guilty At Birth or Innocent Until Proven Born.

 

As long as there are such Otherwise Controlled and Sane Discussions on my TV, I will have no need to make things up for this Blog.

 

I am now done digressing.

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As most of you know by now, ESPN has removed an Asian Football Announcer from the broadcast of the William and Mary at University of Virginia college football game because his name was Robert Lee.

 

This thorny issue is addressed very nicely in an article at the following link… https://www.outkickthecoverage.com/msespn-pulls-asian-announcer-named-robert-lee-off-uva-game-avoid-offending-idiots/

 

My favorite part of the article is the words above the picture of the Offending Robert and his Co-Announcer…

“But just to make it clear for everyone out there, the Asian man on the right is not long deceased Confederate General Robert E. Lee. He’s a different person entirely, one that is still alive and did not fight in the Civil War”.

 

That ought to do it…Or will it?

 

My honest opinion is this Offending Robert ought to have been banned from the broadcast because of his haircut.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: In order to err on the side of caution in an attempt to prevent this type of controversy in the future, I think we ought to ban the immigration of all Asians with the last name “Lee”. No one could possibly argue with this logic…Or could some one?

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

No Place To Go

The following statement has just been issued by a spokesman for Pigeons Are People Too...

 

”The removal of so many Confederate Statues is greatly reducing pooping locations for the pigeons of the Good Ole USofA.

As you well know pigeons are creatures of habit. For more than a hundred years pigeons have been pooping on the plethora of Confederate Statues that have dotted the Fruited Plain.

This recent onslaught of removals has caught our pigeons off guard. They have no place to go.

We have constipated pigeons everywhere and I can assure you, while you may think this is funny, the pigeons aren't laughing.”

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: Special note to all Statue Protestors, file this Blog Posting under Unintended Consequences.

Friday, August 18, 2017

Slippin And A Sliding

We can’t depend on lots of thing we used to be able to depend on but the Slippery Slope will always be with us. Another Subject for this Foolishness could easily have been…

Cussing, Cursing and Bad Words Amok

Have you noticed that people Americans admire have started using foul language in their Music, in their Speeches, in their Movies and now in their News Comments?

 

It probably started with Rhett Butler when he said to Scarlett O’Hara, “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn”. I immediately thought, “Yea, way to go Rhett, she deserves a cuss word or two!”

 

As I thought that, I was still shocked that he had said that for the whole world to hear, especially the children (me) of the Good Ole USofA to hear. I thought to my little self that Rhett might just have put us all on a Slippery Slope and I thought right.

 

Over the years we have been slipping and sliding but recently the slope seems to have gotten steeper and more slippery because politicians have started jumping on the slope

 

Horrified Mother to Nasty Mouthed Son…

“You come here right now! I’m going to wash your mouth out with soap. I’ll teach you to not use nasty words like that!”

Nasty Mouthed Son to Horrified Mother…

“You can’t do that. I just heard Senator Snidley Whiplash use that word on CSPAN while making a speech on the floor of the Senate and they call him Honorable all the time”.

That’s progress.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: If Gone with the Wind had been made in 2017…

Scarlett to Rhett: “Sir, you are no gentleman”.

Rhett to Scarlett: “And you, Miss, are no lady”.

Today Rhett was sued because he did not say, “And you, Ms., are no lady”.

Friday, August 11, 2017

There Is A Guy Who Became Famous, Honored And Admired For Publishing One Of The Most Used Useless Directives In The History Of Computing

For years many of us have been adhering to this Directive as the “best” method of developing and managing our passwords. We now know we have been wasting our time.

 

We were told the way to protect our accounts was to invent awkward new words rife with obscure characters, capital letters and numbers—and to change them regularly.

 

Most people found this too confusing to be practical but many of us tried our best to do it because we were told by people a lot smarter than we were that this was not just the best way to protect our important computer stuff but it was the only proven way to protect our important computer stuff.

 

Some of us ignored this Proven and Secure way like that guy in the Federal Government who used “Password” as his Password. I would hope that not too many of us were as silly as this guy but I would not bet on it.

 

Others of us tried to do what the Smarter Than Us People told us we had to do. We even persevered after several of the true adherents to the process were reported to have been hauled off to the Funny Farm in Straight Jackets.

 

A good example of what kind of word would come out of creating a password with Awkward Letters Rife with Obscure Characters and Capital Letters and Numbers (and change them often) is shown below…

Tr0ub4dor&3

Now there is a Password that will frustrate Snidley Hacker and send him to the Funny Farm if ever there was one!...Or will it?

 

Sadly, we now know that this Bullet Proof Password could be cracked by Snidley in 3 Days.

 

Ole Snidley has gotten very good at golf because he found he had a lot of time on his hands so he has been spending a lot of time on the links.

 

Is there a better way?

Ø Is there a way that does not need Awkward Letters?

Ø Is there a way that does not have to have Obscure Characters?

Ø Is there a way that does not need to have a mixture of Capital and Lower-Case Letters?

Ø Is there a way that does not need to have Numbers thrown in where you can’t remember where you threw them in?

Ø Is there a way that does not require you to change your password as soon as you finally get to the point where you can remember it?

Ø Is there a way that does not require you to have a different unable-to-be-remembered password for every account?

 

My Dear Reader, the answer is yes. You can now have a single password for all accounts. It will take a little longer to type out and about 60 seconds to memorize but it will keep you from having to order Funny Farm, USA return address stickers for your snail mail.

 

Are you ready? Here it is…

Your Password Should Be Made Up Of 4 Unrelated Words Typed Out As One Big Word

An example would be “correct horse battery staple” typed out as “correcthorsebatterystaple”.

 

In case you have forgotten how long it would have taken Snidley to figure out your old “Tr0ub4dor&3” password, I’ll tell you again…

He could crack it in 3 days

 

If Snidley had a computer program that made 1,000 guesses a second, it would take him 550 Years to figure out that your “correcthorsebatterystaple” password was “correcthorsebatterystaple”.

 

Now you can take up golf but don’t look for Snidley out there because he is going to be busy for a long time to come.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

 

Lagniappe: I did not make this up… https://www.wsj.com/articles/the-man-who-wrote-those-password-rules-has-a-new-tip-n3v-r-m1-d-1502124118

Wednesday, August 09, 2017

Does God Tweet?

There I was standing in the middle of the road being the Proverbial Deer in the Headlights.

 

I looked right at Twitter, Tweets and Twits and said to the entire world (or at least the .0000000000000000000000000000001% of the world that reads my Foolishness), “Twitter, Tweets and Twits who Tweet are all Silly!”

 

It was then that Deer Me was run over by all things Twitter.

 

I remember when Twitter had just been invented, created, concocted, spit out or by whatever means it was thrust upon us. I looked at what was happening and I was put off by statements in the news like, “Twitter Nation Thinks…”.

 

I said in response, “How can all those people all over everywhere “think” as a group? Have they been elected to speak as one with a single voice? Did they get together in one gigantic room and debate, analyze and look at evidence in order to vote and be able to speak with their one gigantic voice?”

 

Imagine that all of Twitter Nation was made up of 3 Twits. Imagine further (stay with me on this) one was a Carpenter in Wichita, another was a Symphony Conductor in Budapest and the third one was Whale Fisherman shipping out of a port on the east coast of Siberia. Imagine (are you still with me?) one day they all Tweeted and 2 of the 3 said that Columbus was wrong and the world was obviously flat. Would it actually be flat because Twitter Nation said it was?

 

Magnify my Silly example to the point where there are 880 Million Twits. One day 51% of them say that Columbus was wrong and the world was obviously flat. Would it actually be flat because Twitter Nation said it was?

 

I’m sure I have made my point brilliantly but I am also sure a whole bunch of you just thought to your collective selves about the subject of this bit of Foolishness, “Does God Tweet?”

 

Please allow me to brilliantly explain that also…

Ø My newspaper just told me that things are going from worst to awfully worst in Venezuela.

Ø The Vatican’s Silence about what has been going on in Venezuela has been deafening until it recently issued a statement wherein the Vatican said it was expressing, “Profound Concern”.

Ø The Catholic Bishops of Venezuela felt this was far from an adequate and they decided to bypass the Pope and appeal directly to God Himself when they Tweeted a Prayer, “to free our homeland from the claws of communism and socialism”.

 

We are not in the habit of Praying to Politicians or to Athletes or to Movie Stars (although I am not so sure that this does not happen a lot more than we realize).

 

No, when we pray, We Pray To God.

 

Now do you see why the Subject of this Silliness is, “Does God Tweet?” It was because the communication medium used by the Venezuelan Bishops to pray to God was Twitter?

 

Venezuela has enough on their plate without me getting involved. I do wish them all the luck in the world with a few miracles thrown in but I sure hope God is not actually sitting on a cloud up in heaven Tweeting.

 

If he is, please tell me. I get on my knees a lot when I communicate with Him. My knees are not in the same shape as they were in years past. If lying on my back and Tweeting would work just as well, I’m ready to give it a try.

 

Would I kid u?

Smartfella