Tuesday, August 30, 2016

What Does Acting Have To Do With It?

I just knew Hollywood was behind all this trouble we are having in the Good Ole USofA!

It happens almost every night on the Nightly News. The Talking Heads are Talking Their Collective Heads about some people who are involved in something really bad/evil/not nice and one of them says something like, “It seems there are several Bad Actors involved here”.


Where did this “Bad Actors” phrase come from? Personally, I think it shows signs of coming from the same people who gave us, “Happy Campers”. I never did figure out where that one came from.


I think our 9% Approval Rating Congress ought to get involved. They could pass a 1% National Sales Tax to pay for Acting Lessons for up and coming Hollywood Bad Actors in order to improve their acting skills. If they were Better Actors, they would stay employed out in La-La Land and not venture out into the real world where they muck up things for the rest of us.


I know you are thinking that a 1% National Sales Tax would generate a lot more money than what is needed for acting lessons. I have an answer for that also. They could use the left over $2.7 Billion to reimburse the Highway Trust Fund from which they keep borrowing money for other “more worthwhile” uses like Buying Votes.


Oh, My Gosh! Could it be that I am getting cynical or is it I am just being observant?


Would I kid u?


Sunday, August 28, 2016

I Am Glad Dead People Cannot Really Roll Over In Their Graves

Considering the chaos in Washington, D.C. aren’t you glad that Dead People Cannot Really Roll Over In Their Graves?


If they could roll over, can you then imagine how gosh darn exhausted our Founding Fathers would be?


Would I kid u?


Friday, August 26, 2016

If You Are About As Old As I Am, You Will Remember… “Save Your Confederate Money, Boys, The South Will Rise Again!”

This Foolishness...Or Is It is not about Confederate Money but you can go online and buy Movie Money and then you can go out and buy stuff.

Better yet, go get out your dusty Monopoly Game and use that because there are a lot of suckers out there and the Monopoly Money just may be Dusty Closet Gold.

Did I just hear you say, “What the heck are you talking about?” I thought you would never ask…

I give you full warning. You are going to think I am making this one up.

Over the last month, all of the bullet points below have been flying around where I live...

  • $1,000 worth of Lawn Equipment was purchased at one of our Walmarts using 10 Movie Money $100 Bills (intended to be used as props in making movies).
  • Later that same day one of the items was returned to another Walmart for cash.
  • One of the thieves is also suspected of using the Movie Money to make purchases in another county but details of this caper have not been provided by my newspaper.
  • A private citizen sold his 2001 VW Beetle to 2 guys for 13 $100 Movie Money Bills.
  • Hours later the same 2 guys bought another private citizen’s 2006 Volvo for 20 $100 Movie Money Bills.

What’s wrong with us? (Does it not seem to you that I am asking this What’s Wrong With Us question more and more all the time?)


Someone ain’t paying attention. This is Fake Money. It does not even come very close to looking like real money because it is written on the bills that the bills are to be used for motion picture making only.


If the perpetrators get caught, it is possible that they will get off the hook because their fate will be in the hands of our crack Judicial System. I can just hear their lawyers pleading their cases...

  • But your Honor, you can’t pin these crimes on my clients. They are too stupid to know better.
  • But your Honor, my clients were being left behind by their neighbors. All of their neighbors had lots of lawn equipment and they hardly had any.
  • But your Honor, my clients all are too poor to afford reading glasses. I’m sure you will agree that the words which stipulated that the money was to be used in the making of movies only were written quite small. My clients just could not read the warning.
  • If your Honor will not accept the above bullet point as valid, I will be compelled to ask for a recess during which I will make up a compelling argument stipulating that my clients are illiterate and they simply could not read the warning.

I can just hear the His Honor saying to the lawyers, “I must commend you. You have made some very good points, counselor!”


Would I kid u?


Monday, August 22, 2016

If I Think This Is Crazy Does That Make Me Crazy?

There is a "Martyr's Fund" through which the Palestinian Authority and the Palestine Liberation Organization pay the families of all Palestinian Prisoners and the families of martyrs (those who die killing Israelis).

Want a recent example? Click here: 13 Year Old Girl Stabbed To Death While Sleeping In Her Bed


Did you just say this does not surprise you? Prepare to get surprised...

The Israel and the U.S. Governments pay “Development Assistance” to the Palestinian Authority and, to show how much the killing of Israeli Citizens is frowned upon by the Israel and the U.S. Governments each has cut off their Development Assistance Payments.

There is an untruth in the paragraph I pecked out above. The truth is the payments have not been cut off but are only being reduced by the amount of money the Palestinian Authority pays through the Martyr’s Fund.


You are at this very moment thinking I am making things up again. Read as much of this article from the Bloomberg.com as you need to to convince yourself that I pecked out the truth... Payments For Killing Jews


The Palestinians have gone too far this time! Our State Department has sprung into Really Impressive Word Usage...

"We condemn in the strongest possible terms the outrageous terrorist attack this morning. This brutal act of terrorism is simply unconscionable. We extend our deepest condolences to her family.”

Notice the use of such strong words as “condemn”, “strongest possible terms”, “outrageous”, “brutal”, “act of terrorism” and “simply unconscionable”.  If the bad guys are wearing boots, I feel confident that they are quaking in them for sure!

Would I kid u?


Thursday, August 18, 2016

Silly Me

What a fool I am! All this time I have been baffled as to why My Little Read Book has sold so few copies. I have finally figured it out! 

As much as I think I am Computer Savvy I have been blind to the world of technology around me.


I have marketed my book as the World’s Greatest Bathroom Book. That might be true but it is a perfect example of marketing to the past. With the onslaught of Smartphones, the World is not reading books in the bathroom, they are reading Smartphones instead! How did I not see that?


Now I know how the World’s Greatest Buggy Whip Manufacturer must have felt.


Would I kid u?



Lagniappe: Hey World, you know my book is available on Kindle...Or do you?

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

You May Find This Hard To Believe… Even Though My Last Blog Was Very Long, It Was Unfinished

Buy the World’s Greatest Bathroom Book at:

Amazon.com...  Now available on Kindle! ... Click Here

Barnes & Noble  ...  Click Here

My Publisher ...  Click Here

Our Federal, State, County and City Rulers ought to follow the example of California’s Revolutionary Zero-Emissions Bill and become pro-active with this type legislation to make our country what our Founding Fathers always envisioned it was to become.

Laws ought to be passed along these lines. They could be called Founding Fathers’ Bucket List Laws...
Ø In order to reduce Murders in the Good Ole USofA, a law ought to be passed that will require that the Murder Rate be reduced by 27% five years from the date that the law goes into effect.
Ø In order to prevent future tax increases, drivers all over the Fruited Plain ought to be required to park in No Parking Areas so that they can be ticketed.
Ø The Divorce Rate in America is growing at an alarming rate. A law ought to be passed that would prohibit marriage. It will not be long before we can all be proud of our Low Divorce Rate.
I could go on because I am full of these types of innovated ideas. In fact ever since I began writing Foolishness...Or Is It? 11 years ago I have been told many times that I was full of it.
Would I kid u?

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

This Is The Easiest Way To Turn The People’s Hopes Into Reality. This Is Especially True If The People Don’t Have The Same Hopes That You Tell Them They Ought To Have.

Buy the World’s Greatest Bathroom Book at:

Amazon.com...  Now available on Kindle! ... Click Here

Barnes & Noble  ...  Click Here

My Publisher...  Click Here

A California Lawmaker next week will introduce a bill requiring 15 percent of all vehicles sold in the state to be Emissions Free by 2025. 

It hit me like a ton of bricks! How simple! Our rulers just need to decide what’s best for us, or what it is that they want to do to us, and pass a law that requires that we do what the law requires us to do.


Back to California’s Mental Midget Legislative Process. I see some problems with this Make It Happen Dictate. You may not see what I see but remember I spent my working years inside the Automotive Industry and I rose to the highest level possible in a mediocre career. I know of which I speak...Or do I?


Ø California’s Governor Moonbeam has set an ambitious goal of 1.5 million Electric Cars by 2025.

Ø Even if he could require the automotive manufacturers to make enough Electric Cars to reach 1.5 million, there would still be problems.

Ø What if the good people of California don’t want to buy Electric Cars?

Ø Maybe the rulers of California will institute an Electric Car Buyer Lottery Selection Process (ECBLSP) that would be used to select those California Minions that would be required to buy an Electric Car.

Ø If they already had an Electric Car, they could be declared exempt and the ECBLSP would be spun again and another Mandatory Electric Car Buyer would be designated.

Ø If the people selected to buy an Electric Car already had a Polluting Car and don’t feel they need to replace it, another law could be passed whereby they would be required to destroy the Polluting Car they own and buy an Electric Car for the greater good of the State of California.

Ø The Mandatory Electric Car Buyers would, of course, be prohibited from trading in their Polluting Car on their new Electric Car because this would negate the long term positive effect on the California Air Quality because, if they traded it in, the old Polluting Car would still be out there and being driven by some other uncaring citizen.

Ø In order to comply with the need to destroy Polluting Cars in the 2 bullets above, the state should construct and force private businessmen to purchase and operate 386 Car Grind Up Into Little Pieces Machines to grind up the Polluting Cars into little pieces.

Ø In order to not place an undue burden on those people who have to destroy their Polluting Cars, the state should fix the maximum charge for grinding up a car at $500 (which will automatically become the minimum charge).

Ø The state will take under advisement a proposal for instituting a Rebate Program that would pay those good citizens who are required to grind up their cars an offset of $25 to be used towards the $500 maximum but now the minimum grind up fee.

Ø It should be noted that the above bulleted Rebate Program is not a commitment by the state. As stated, it is only being taken Under Advisement. It is not the state’s responsibility to assist in any way those citizens who chose on their own to buy Air Polluting Vehicles.


I could go on and on because I learned a lot about cars in my rise up the latter of mediocre success in the Automotive Industry but I will stop now. My fingers are tired and I feel confident that the Rulers of California will plug all the loopholes I may have missed.


Would I kid u?


Sunday, August 14, 2016

Who’s Watching The Watchers?

I heard a Member of Congress make the bolded centered comment below. My Aunt Josie who died a few years ago at 103 and 3 days used to tell me when I was a child that I had Big Eyes. Even Aunt Josie would be surprised to see how big my eyes get when I hear Gems of “Wisdom” like this flow out of the collective mouths of Members of Congress.

Recently I was watching a panel discussion about one of our current Ongoing National Scandals (the IRS). The point was made by one Congressional Talking Head that an Oversight Committee had been set up to get to the bottom of this shameful situation. Another Congressional Talking Head countered with the following...

Yes we finally have an Oversight Committee set up but the problem we now have is we do not have Effective Oversight of the Oversight Committee

I know that many of my dear readers are skimmers & they miss many key points in my blogs because they zip right over my sometimes nifty use of the English language. I am, therefore, going repeat this Congressional Idiocy but this time I will underline the key words...

Yes we finally have an Oversight Committee set up but the problem we now have is we do not have Effective Oversight of the Oversight Committee

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking I made this Oversight Silliness up. When will you doubters ever accept that fact that, as long as we have a 9% Approval Rated U.S. Congress out there, there is no need for me to make up Foolishness?

Would I kid u?


Lagniappe: I sometimes wonder if those who say these kinds of silly things regret what they say as soon as they say it. Do they immediately think to themselves, “I hope no one heard me say that?” The sad truth is they probably are thinking to themselves, “I’m going to go down in history with that one! My brilliance is on display for all to see!”...Or is it?

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Using Laws To Get What You Want. It’s The American Way. If It Isn’t, It Ought To Be.

The Women's Protection Act, passed by Pakistan's largest province of Punjab recently, gives legal protection from domestic, psychological and sexual violence against women.

In an All-Parties Conference convened by Pakistan's Oldest Islamic Political Party and attended by powerful religious groups asked the government to retract the law because it is "Un-Islamic" since it gives unprecedented protection to female victims of violence.


Your Attention Please!

A significant number of my loyal readers just jumped to the false conclusion that I am making this entire Blog Posting up. I am not doing any such thing!

I will give you a link below that will prove that I am not making this foolishness up. It is up to you whether you click on the link and waste your time reading all about it.

If you do click on the link I am expecting a Comment of Apology in the Comments Section at the end of this Blog Posting from each and every one of you who wasted time checking out my veracity.

Want some highlights of the article?

Ø The law has been criticized by a religious body for being incompatible with Islam.

Ø Some have denounced the new law as being in conflict with the Quran, as well as Pakistan's constitution.

Ø This law makes a man insecure.


Here is the link: http://www.aljazeera.com/news/2016/03/religious-leaders-slam-women-protection-act-pakistan-160303160705361.html


Obviously many people in Pakistan think opposition to this law makes perfect sense. They have the laws of the country set up exactly the way they want them to be set up.


However, this did start me thinking about what could happen if our laws were used to aggressively accomplish goals that some in the Good Ole USofA believe made perfect sense.


These people would look you straight in your unbelieving face and say that we need laws that are more sympatric to individual circumstances and they would jump to the defense of my Recommended New Laws below and look shocked when anyone would tell them that my new laws are Silly...

Ø Drunk drivers ought to be allowed to drive faster because they stayed to long at the bar drinking and the extra time drinking has caused them to be behind schedule.

Ø Burglars have to make a living too. Home Security Systems are making it difficult for them to feed their families, therefore, Home Security Systems ought to be outlawed.

Ø If you decide that you no longer want to pay your Income Tax, you ought to be allowed to stop paying your Income Taxes. In order to keep our Federal Government humming along, the people who stop paying their Income Taxes ought to be allowed to designate who should have to pay the taxes that they have decided not to pay.


Special Note To My Elected Representatives in Congress: Once these 3 laws are enacted, send me a Tweet and I will come up with 3 more. Don’t worry about bothering me. I did not have to think very hard to come up with these 3.


Would I kid u?


Sunday, August 07, 2016

Using A Calculator Some Of Us Can Make Any Little Annoyance Into A Real Catastrophe

I read an article in my newspaper where the writer went way out of her way to make a Mountain out of a Molehill. I have better things to do with my time like write a Blog about how silly she is...

“Here’s what it’s like to buy something at a store these days:

1. Swipe card.
2. Get scolded by cashier to use the chip reader.
3. Insert chip and cancel all foreseeable plans.
4. Wait.
5. Wait some more.
6. Celebrate once you hear that joyless “Remove card” sound.

Next time you experience this, I want you to remember that it’s not you. It’s the banks, credit card companies, merchants, payment processors, terminal manufacturers and many others that have created this checkout catastrophe.


After pulling out the stopwatch for over 50 transactions at various retailers in recent days, I can confirm that it takes twice as long to pay with a chip card than with a card swipe—on average, 13 seconds versus 6 seconds.


Think about it this way: If you made two purchases every day for a year with a chip card instead of a swipe, you’d spend 85 extra minutes at the checkout counter. That’s nearly an hour and a half of your time, to give someone your money.”


(I did the underlining and bolding.)


Are we really supposed to get upset because we spend an extra 6 seconds at a checkout counter or even 85 Extra Minutes at checkout counters spread out over the span of 365 days?


Using this writer’s logic, was I right or wrong when, as a child, I used to think that, if I spread too much butter on my toast, I would not be harmed from eating too much butter because the too much butter was all spread out too much?


I think we ought to spend our Get Upset About Time on things that have more of an impact on our lives than 85 minutes in 365 days.


If we get all wrapped up in this Minutia Challenged Writer’s Thinking, we could find ourselves going through this kind of Mental Gymnastics...

Ø In Presidential Elections it takes about 20 minutes to drive to the polling place to vote, 25 minutes to go through the verification process, stand in line and do the actual voting and 20 minutes to drive home (adds to 65 minutes).

Ø If you voted in Presidential Elections every day for a year, that would add up to 23,725 minutes!

Ø Yee Gads! That’s 395.4 hours. That’s awful!


All of this makes me think we ought to outlaw Presidential Elections but we really don’t need silliness and a calculator to come to this conclusion. A better reason for outlawing Presidential Election is all the craziness we are being subjected to every day and night during this current Presidential Election.


Want to really get depressed? We have 93 more days to go before this current craziness is over and 94 more days before the Talking Heads start talking their heads about the 2020 Presidential Election.


Would I kid u?


Friday, August 05, 2016

You Walmart Haters Are Going To Hate This Blog Posting So You May Want To Stop Reading It Before You Start Reading It

If you Walmart Haters have read this far, let me give you something to think about...

Could It Be That A Store Which Is Shopped At By 78% Of Your Fellow Americans Just Might Not Be As Evil As You Think It Is?

Something to think about...

Ø Walmart now averages a profit of $1.8 million every hour.

Ø More than 260 million people shop at Walmart every week.

Ø There are still only five stores in Vermont because Vermont does not want the retail chain but that hasn’t stopped it from growing. In total, Walmart operates more than 11,530 stores in 28 countries around the world. (I think there is a good chance that many Vermonters who live near the state line make the trip to an adjoining state to shop and pay that state’s sales tax.)

Ø Walmart has more than 2.3 million employees. The only organization that comes close is the Chinese Army which has 2.29 million active members.

Ø Combined, the world’s Walmart parking lots alone take up an area roughly the size of Tampa, Florida.

Ø With so many items being sold, what is the most purchased? Apparently it’s bananas.

Ø Walmart is reportedly the top solar customer in the U.S., having already installed 260 solar projects on store rooftops -- which can provide as much as 30% of the power used by that facility. Walmart says it has already saved more than $5 million on its energy bill.

Ø While staff are expected to have excellent customer service at all times, the company has a 10-Foot Rule implemented by Sam Walton. Apparently he said, “I want you to promise that whenever you come within 10 feet of a customer, you will look him in the eye, greet him, and ask him if you can help him.” (Personally, I do not think this rule is still in effect.)

Ø While other companies might have failed to make profit in challenging economic times, Walmart continues to grow. In the last five years it’s experienced a $60 billion revenue growth.

Ø Walmart’s 2015 revenue was a whopping $482 billion. Those kind of profits make the company richer than many countries, including: South Africa at $317.3 billion, United Arab Emirates at $339.1 billion, Norway at $397.6 billion, Belgium at $458.7 billion and Sweden at $483.7 billion.


This is the Bottom so here is the Bottom Line...

People who need to or like to save money shop at Walmart. Isn’t it nice they have a store to go to where they can do just that?


Would I kid u?