Monday, December 14, 2015

Sudden Death & Other Bad Things

Every day I am amazed at all these Prescription Drug Commercials on Television. What’s that you say? You say you have not seen one of these commercials in the last few minutes. Let me say this about that, “Wait another minute”.

What am I amazed about? It is simple. I am amazed that products can be sold to the American Public by running commercials where 80% of the contained information imparted is made up of Warnings about the Dire Consequence of what could happen to you if you took the Advertised Drug, including Sudden Death.

The whole scenario just does not make sense but, actually the Pharmaceutical Companies are making lots of Cents by running these commercials (millions of dollars).

I’ve often told you about my Potted Plant outfit which allows me to gather information for Foolishness...Or Is It?. Another arrow in my quiver is my Fly on the Wall Outfit. I used this outfit to get into a Board of Directors Meeting of a major pharmaceutical company last week & what I heard confirmed my ongoing confusion & general lack of comprehension as to why their sales pitches work.

Here is what I heard...

  • A board member: Mr. Chairman, are we ready to launch our latest Wonder Drug Zxyjrza? (Have you ever noticed how often these drugs have J or X or Y or Z in their name?) 
  •  Chairman: Before I answer that question of yours, Ed, how many times have I told you that it is against Federal Law to address me as “Chairman”? You know darn good & well that my title is “Chairperson”. 
  •  Chairperson: That having been said, the launch delay is that our launch commercial team is stuck at 50% Bad Effects on the huperson body. We all know that we will not get the attention of the American Drug Buying Public if we launch a commercial that is not at least 80% chock full of Dire Catastrophic Warnings. 
  •  Chairperson: If we launch with less than 80% God Awful Devastating Content, we would be forced to talk about the benefits of taking this drug. You all are well aware that we have many highly successful drugs on the market for years that we have yet to come up with any good reason why they ought to be taken. 
  •  Chairperson: We know from past experience that, if we don’t put at least 80% Catastrophic Content in our commercials, the American Buying Public will pay no attention to us & we all are well aware of what that can do to our bonuses.

Ever wonder why these drugs are called Wonder Drugs? That’s because, after they tell you all the bad things that can happen to you by taking them, it is a Wonder that anyone actually dares to take them.

Would I kid u?