Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Running Into The Street Screaming

I am spending too much of my life on the phone on hold waiting for online "help".

These people are paid to keep me to be happy, are they not? I know what they are doing instead of picking up their end of the phone & helping me. They are sitting around drinking their Fruity Drinks With Little Umbrellas in them. That's exactly what they are doing!

I think deep down they really do want to help me because they went to all the trouble to make a recording that tells me over & over that my call is important to them.

What I don't understand is, if the above paragraph is true, why do they play such Awful Music Awfully Loud at me while I patiently wait?

I have been persecuted by this assault on my hearing & sanity for a long time now but was not prompted to blog about it until recently because I started noticing a significant number of people running out of their houses screaming things like... "I can't take it any longer" or "Why do they do this to me?!" or "Aghaaaaaaaaa!".

I assigned the responsibility of finding out why these people are acting this way to one of my best Investigative Investigators & it was not long before I had the answer...

"Sir, the reason the Awful Music is played Awfully Loud is that they are hoping you will hang up the phone & run out into the street screaming things like... "I can't take it any longer" or "Why do they do this to me?!" or "Aghaaaaaaaaa!".

If you do hang up, then they can keep sipping their Fruity Umbrella Drinks.

Also, their assigned quota is only 2 calls handled per day &, since a disconnection is counted as a call completion, they have probably already reached their assigned quotas &, therefore, they have no vested interest in taking your call."

I make my Investigative Investigators address me as "Sir" because I pay them well & they are afraid of me because they need the job since the Major News Networks stopped investigating anything & started reporting everything.  

(I've spent hours trying to get the link below to work. If it does not work, Plan B is I am going to send an ordinary old fashioned email to each of you with the mp3 file attached. Plan C is, if Plan B does not work, take my word for it the Awful Music Is Awful!)

Click here to hear the Awful Music Played Awfully Loud for yourself...
If you are a masochist & want to experience what I am gripping about, you can call the Social Security Administration (800 772 1213) & experience the Awful Music Played Awfully Loud up close & personal.

After being asked a bunch of questions & threatened a couple of times, you can ask to speak to a Representative & THEN YOU WILL BE PUT ON HOLD. I don't think there is any chance that you will not be put on hold because they always put you on hold because they are sitting around drinking Fruity Umbrella Drinks.

If you really want to make the SSA call, you do so your own peril but, please remember to look both ways before you run out in the street screaming.

Would I kid u?