Friday, October 30, 2015

I Am Here To Propose The Obvious…Again

We are all well aware of the unfortunate incident in Baltimore where an Arrested Individual tried to injure himself while being transported in a police van. We now have seen a similar unfortunate occurrence in my local county.
Our poor unfortunate Arrested Individual was very intoxicated when he was detained and he had to be helped to stand up and walk as he could not do so without assistance. Once inside the Transportation Van, in a fit, he reportedly went on to smash his head against the partition in the back of the patrol car and kick at the glass. He hit his head so hard on a partition that he knocked himself unconscious. Once he regained consciousness inside the hospital he again became irate & repeatedly tried to get out of the hospital bed & had to be restrained for his own good.
Something has to be done to relieve the plight of our Arrested Community.
My Proposal...
Being arrested is a very traumatic occurrence in the life of the people we arrest. They are many times not trained to be arrested. As a result of their uncertainty for the future, many in our Arrested Community freak out while being transported to wherever they are being transported.
I propose that their accommodations inside of Police Transportation Vans be dramatically changed...
  • We need to completely pad the inside of the van so that they cannot injure themselves while they bang their heads on the van’s padded interior.
  • This transportation experience can be dramatically enhanced by simply installing a Jacuzzi.
  • It goes without saying (but I’ll say it anyway), a free padded gum ball machine ought to be installed in each van.
I am a strong advocate of absolutely no physical force ever being used by police against our Arrested Community but I feel equally strongly that any prisoner who refuses to leave the Transportation Van after his transportation experience has been completed should be yanked out of the van using whatever force is required.
Allowing any individual to remain longer than is necessary in the Transportation Van would be unfair to others of our Arrested Community who are looking forward to their transportation experience.
Would I kid u?
Lagniappe: Maybe the Paddy Wagon (instead of the Transportation Van) was better for our Arrested Community? Whether it was or not, here is your Fella History Lesson for today:
Paddy Wagon was nickname given to a vehicle police use to transport prisoners. The name came from the New York Draft Riots of 1863. The Irish at the time were the poorest people in the city. When the draft was implemented it had a provision for wealthier people to buy a waiver. The Irish rioted, and the term Paddy (a common term used at that time to describe the Irish...Paddys or Pattys or Patricks) Wagon was coined.

Friday, October 23, 2015

The Old Days Are Gone

In the Old Days we would have read this type of thing in our newspaper...

“3M Co. said on Thursday it would cut 1,500 jobs to lower expenses as the diversified U.S. manufacturer reported a lower-than-expected quarterly profit.”

In the New Days we read this type of thing in our newspaper (10/23/15)...

“3M Co. said on Thursday it would cut 1,500 jobs to lower expenses as the diversified U.S. manufacturer reported a higher-than-expected quarterly profit.”

This is terrible! We have to do something fast! We made more money than we expected!

Would I kid u?


Wednesday, October 21, 2015

We Know Our Rulers Lie To Us But Is It Possible To Get To The Truth Anywhere?

For the first 20 minutes after the Internet was invented we were all saying, “I know it is true. I saw it on the Internet”. Then the twenty first minute came along and the world was never the same.
The guy who performed my annual Vehicle Emissions Inspection is from South Africa. We got to talking about why he came to the United States and he said it was because South Africa was a complete disaster that was getting more disastrous with each passing year.
I decided to check out what he told me and I went to the Internet to find out the truth. This is what I found when I searched to see how well the South African Economy was doing.
The Good News Article Published July 26, 2015...
While much of the world staggered in the wake of the global financial meltdown, South Africa has managed to stay on its feet – largely due to its prudent fiscal and monetary policies.
The country is politically stable and has a well capitalized banking system, abundant natural resources, well developed regulatory systems as well as research and development capabilities, and an established manufacturing base.
Ranked by the World Bank as an “upper middle-income country”, South Africa is the largest economy in Africa – and it remains rich with promise.
With a world-class and progressive legal framework, South African legislation governing commerce, labor and maritime issues is particularly strong, and laws on competition policy, copyright, patents, trademarks and disputes conform to international norms and standards. The country's modern infrastructure supports the efficient distribution of goods throughout the southern African region.
The Bad News Article Published July 13, 2015...
Foreign investors are sending the Johannesburg Stock Exchange soaring to record highs, even as South Africa’s economy crumbles around it.
Not much in this continent’s second-largest economy after Nigeria looks as upbeat as the 127-year-old Johannesburg Stock Exchange. Business confidence fell to a 16-year low this month. Rolling power blackouts have slashed mining and manufacturing output, and some economists are forecasting annual economic growth of less than 2% for a second consecutive year.
The mining industry has been hammered by slower economic growth in China and weak commodity prices, as well as domestic issues including months long strikes, power outages and higher costs for both wages and electricity.
Mining heavyweights are some of the JSE’s worst performers. The world’s No. 1 platinum producer Anglo American Platinum Ltd. is down 26% this year. Impala Platinum Holdings Ltd. is down 34% and Gold Fields Ltd. is down 25% since the start of 2015.
Do you see any differences in these two articles? I sure do but that may be because I am a Stickler (for the Truth) and Sticklers are on the Endangered Species List. Every day I see Certified Fellow Sticklers say, “Oh well, close enough”.
Would I kid u?

Lagniappe: I blogged about truth in September. If you have not had enough of me for today, click the link below. If you have had enough of me for today, do not click the link below.

Friday, October 16, 2015

Why Are All These People Here?

I just got back from The Beach. During October it is a nice place to go to get away from people because it is not the busy season, schools are in session, it is not cold yet & the beaches are darn near empty...Or are they?

That’s the way it used to be anyway. This year was different. This time there were families everywhere. They were all over my beach. They all had rented bicycles & were rolling all over everywhere that was not a beach. All of them were carrying cell phones & way too many of them had tattoos.

Every time I asked anyone why there were so many people I was told the same thing... “It’s Fall Break”. When I would reply, “Fall Break, I never heard of such a thing”, I was looked at like I was stupid. For a smart fella, I sure get looked at like I am stupid a lot.

It was at this point that I was glad I had room in my car to pack my Potted Plant Outfit. I put it on & started to mingle with the multitude. They did not pay any attention to this potted plant bouncing up to them because they were too busy paying attention to their cell phones.

I started asking the teenagers questions & the far greater majority of them gave these answers...

  • When was the Vietnam War fought?... Answer: That’s a tough one but I am fairly certain it was during the 1800’s.
  • How many stars are there on that American Flag waving on that pole over there?... Is that what that is? I really can’t answer this question because it is waving too fast & I can’t count them. (Credit for this silliness goes to Jay Leno’s Jaywalking bit.)
  • Who was John Wayne?... I don’t have a clue. Oh, wait a second! Is that that really cute guy on Dancing with the Starts?

Let’s get back to Fall Break. While I was Plant Eavesdropping I heard one teen say, “I sure needed this break! I’ve been in school since mid August. This is the first week of October. That’s a long time! I can’t wait till Thanksgiving Break. Then it’s going to be tough sledding to get to Christmas Break (actually she said Holiday Break). And I can’t wait till Spring Break (she did not say Easter Break). This year I am going to Bambini. The only problem is Spring Break is only 7 days long. My parents have agreed that it is too short & have told me to take a couple of extra days. Don’t you think there ought to be a Break between Holiday Break & Spring Break? I sure do!”

I usually come back from The Beach refreshed & energized. This time I came back feeling like a balloon that had just been pinned.

Would I kid u?


Tuesday, October 13, 2015

After Giving Birth The New Mother is Found By Her Husband Crying Her Motherly Eyes Out In Her Hospital Bed

Feeling her pain the husband rushes up to her & grabs her hand as he frantically asks her what could be the problem because he has been told by the doctor that both mother & baby came out of the delivery room perfectly healthy.

Her reply is atypical of our crazy world as she replies, “Our baby is deformed! He does not have a single tattoo!”

OK, I admit I made this whole silly story up...Or did I?

Would I kid u?


Sunday, October 11, 2015

It All Started With Saint Christopher

Years ago the Catholic Church cleaned house regarding its lineup of Saints.

The most talked about “removal” was Saint Christopher. It was not that he's no longer a saint, nor even that he no longer has a Feast Day (he still does, on 25th July). What the Church did was stipulate that his Feast Day is no longer an obligatory celebration throughout the worldwide church.

The bottom line is Saint Christopher wasn’t uncanonized (probably not a word) & he is still a Saint.

This is all very confusing & not all retailers of Religious Articles fully understood much of all of this (that probably includes you & me). If you got a bargain on a Mister Christopher Medal, consider yourself lucky.

All of the above is only a lead-in to today’s bit of Foolishness...

My newspaper tells me that the Archbishop of Los Angeles, Jose Gomez, is in the news out in the California. Remember I am a Noticer. I noticed that in the news article the Archbishop was mentioned twice. He was not mentioned in this manner...

  • Archbishop Gomez said it would put pressure on the state’s poorest communities.
  • ...and they have limited treatment options when they face a serious or terminal illness, Archbishop Gomez said.

No, there was no “Archbishop” used to refer to the Archbishop in this news article. The Archbishop was referred to as Mr. Gomez”.

I don’t consider this progress but I am willing to look on the bright side. Those in the poorest communities that the Archbishop is so worried about protecting can now get a reduced price on Mr. Gomez Medals.

Would I kid u?


Tuesday, October 06, 2015

More On Truth

On 9/2/15 I blogged about Scientist, Global Warming & Truth. (See Lagniappe below.)

I do a lot of stumbling around the internet. That’s where I go to find The Truth. (This prior sentence calls into question just how smart the Smartfella really is.)

I stumbled across this inspirational quote:

Pray as if it all depends upon God, for it does.
But work as if it all depends upon us, for it does.

I said to myself, “Self, that is really inspirational! Go to the Internet & find out who said it”.

On the internet I found out that this Inspirational Inspiration was first uttered by St. Ignatius Loyola & St. Augustine & St. Benedict & Brigham Young.

I figured that was enough truth for one Internet Search so I stopped searching. If I had continued, what do you want to bet I would have found out that Alfred E. Newman was really the first one to say it?

OK, I have gone too far again. Alfred E. Newman never existed &, while he was never existing, he never believed in God...Or did he?...Or did he?

Would I kid u?

Smartfella...Or is he?

Lagniappe: This is the Prior Posting Link I referred to above…

What Does The Word “Final” Mean To You

I’ve written about this before (actually twice before) & I am perfectly within my Blogging Rights (Blogging Rules & Regulations Section 7 Subsection A2 Part b) if I want to write about it again because the phenomenon is not subsiding in any way.

My newspaper tells me that BP & our Federal Government have reached another “Final” settlement to finally settle their ongoing Final Settlement Talks about the 2010 Deepwater Horizon oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

Our Justice Department’s spokesman said, BP “is receiving the punishment it deserves”. As sharp as this spokesman is there were a few words left out of this statement. It should have said, “is receiving the latest final punishment it deserves unless & until the next final punishment is levied against these awful people. Some have said that we are being too harsh on BP but I say this latest final levy against them is more than justified because BP used to have a lot of money”.

What’s next? What happens when BP actually does run out of money? Our Federal Government will need to replace that lost Income Stream. If it is an election year, it will not be able to raise taxes until after the election & I foresee what their next Revenue Producing Idea will be... I foresee our Federal Government suing Mexico for the oil spill because, after all, it is Mexico’s gulf. If a terrorists goes into your local super market & puts a banana peel on the floor & you come along & slip on that dangerous peel, it is the fault of the super market, is it not? Of course it is!

You did not see that coming did you? Don’t feel badly about that. That’s why you have me. Keep reading & you will not have to worry about seeing the future. After my heart attacks me, you are on your own.

Would I kid u?