Sunday, May 24, 2015

Aw Come On! You Can't Be Serious!

From past blogs of mine you already know that I have trouble believing what I am told when I am told things that people say they know what they know when there is no way they can know what they claim they know.

Want examples?...

  • Every year Domestic Cats kill 12.3 Billion Mammals.
  • Eons ago a subatomic particle blew up & when the smoke cleared there was my Functioning Liver.
  • Before this year's Memorial Day Weekend the National Safety Council estimated there will be 383 traffic fatalities and another 46,300 medically consulted injuries & the AAA predicts that automotive travel will be 37.2 million travelers.

By golly something just snapped inside my disbelieving & once-logical brain. I now believe all the Foolishness in the above 3 bullets. The one below, however, the Fella just cannot swallow...

clip_image002      clip_image004

On the left is the new British Royal Princess Charlotte & on the right is what they say she will look like when she is 18 Years Old!

Do you remember the Subject of this Blog Posting? Of course, you don't. I give you a hint. It was, "Aw Come On! You Can't Be Serious!".

Seriously, someone is doing some serious kidding here & it's not The Fella.

Would I kid u?



Saturday, May 23, 2015

Sorry, Boss, I Know This Upcoming Week Will Make Or Break Our Company & 700 Employees May Lose Their Jobs But I'm Taking A One Week Leave Of Absence & That's Final!

I was there. I saw the above statement being delivered to the wide-eyed boss (Larry) with my own eyes. Larry had a mixture of pain, disappointment & desperation on his face.

I could see that this employee (Sidney) must have been very important to this company's long term survival but it was obvious the company was going to have to do without Sidney at this critical time in its existence.

I felt so bad for Larry & I tried to intercede on his behalf. I approached Sidney & asked what could be so important that he had to take off when the jobs of so many people depended on him?

He came right back at me & said he had no choice but he had offended someone &, as is standard operating procedure in the Good Ole USofA at this time, he needs to apologize to the person he has offended quickly, profusely & repeatedly.

He said to me with a look on his face that was akin to the look that must have been on the face of Moses as he got ready to part the Red Sea, "There is nothing more important than an apology!".

Did I just hear you say that you think I am making too much of our national obsession with apologizing? Well, smarty pants, wikiHow does not agree with you. Here is what wikiHow has to say about the Proper Way To Apologize...

(Want to check me out? Click here:

Part 1 of 3: Preparing Your Apology

1. Give up the idea of being “right.”

2. Use “I”-statements.

3. Avoid justifying your actions.

4. Use excuses cautiously.

5. Avoid the “but” word.

6. Consider the other person’s needs and personality.

7. Write your apology down, if you like.

Part 2 of 3: Setting the Stage for Your Apology

1. Find the right time.

2. Do it in person.

3. Choose a quiet or private setting for the apology.

4. Make sure you have enough time to have a complete conversation.

Part 3 of 3: Making Your Apology

1. Use “integrative communication.”

2. Use open, humble body language.

3. State your regret.

4. Accept responsibility.

5. State how you will remedy the situation.

6. Listen to the other person.

7. End with gratitude.

8. Be patient.

9. Stick to your word.

I'm from the old days. In the old days here is what would have happened...

"Hey baby, I'm Sorry. Wanna go to the Chat & Chew & have a beer?"

Yes, in the old days, Sidney would be there to save his company during the most important week in its history.

Would I kid u?



Lagniappe: Past Foolishness...Or Is It's about Apologizing...

Lagniappe More: As they say in those TV Commercials, "But wait wait! There's more!" This is the bottom of the wikiHow link above that you did not click on...

Related wikiHows…

How to
Write an Apology Letter to Your School

How to
Say I'm Sorry to a Lover

How to
Apologize to a Friend over the Phone

How to
Apologize to Your Guy Friend

How to
Find Creative Ways to Apologize

How to
Apologize for Being Late to Work

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

A Listing Of Lists

We have lists for everything.

I just stopped pecking at this Blog Posting & went to Yahoo to see if there were any Lists Viewing Opportunities waiting for me. Here is some of what I found. Don't skim too fast because some of these are really bizarre/funny...

  • The 33 Best Donut Shops In America
  • Midwestern Chains The Rest Of The Country Needs
  • 5 Ways To Make Your Homemade Pizza Better
  • 3 Discounts Senior Citizens Would Be Wise To Take Advantage Of
  • 10 Best NFL Quarterbacks Who Have Never Won A Super Bowl
  • 10 Most Dangerous States For You And Your Family To Live In
  • The Top 5 Los Angeles Lakers Stories Of The Week
  • 7 Herbs That Clean The House
  • 10 Greatest NFL Players Of All Time
  • The 21 Best New Restaurants In America
  • 27 Of The Best Food Trucks In America
  • 12 Celebs Who Are Actually Black
  • Six Ways To Keep From Getting Kicked Off Your Flight For A Tweet
  • These Are The Top Ten Destinations For Summer Travel
  • The 21 Best Coffee Shops In America
  • 23 Signs You’re A Basic Tourist
  • The Best Burger In Every State In America
  • 11 Things You Need To Know About Airbnb Before You Book
  • 7 Spooky Destinations For Magic-Obsessed Travelers
  • 8 Quirky Cafes From Around The World
  • 10 Things About Italy That Shock First Time Travelers
  • Best All-Inclusive Resorts Where Kids Stay Free
  • Every State In The USA, Ranked By Its Food/Drink
  • 10 Amazing Budget Cruises (That Don’t Feel Like Budget Cruises)
  • The 3 Worst Habits Of Clueless Leaders
  • 4 Ways To Know It's Time To Quit Your Job
  • 8 American Habits I Kicked When I Moved To China
  • 10 Communication Secrets Of Great Leaders
  • 10 Things Black People Fear That White People Don’t Have To
  • 10 'Dangerous' Places That Are Actually Safe To Visit
  • 10 Stupid Mistakes You Need To Stop Making On Vacation
  • 10 Things That Shocked Me When I Traveled To Copenhagen
  • The 15 Most Annoying Travelers In The World
  • Who Knew These 20 Stars Were So Small
  • The Best Pot Tourism Spots Around The Globe
  • 7 Places To Help Endangered Species
  • How To Tick Off A Texan In 13 Simple Steps
  • Breaking Down The Single Best Item At Every Major Fast-Food Chain
  • Cutest Child Stars That Grew Up Ugly
  • The Worst Tattoos Ever
  • 18 Horribly Awful Prom Photos

Today a guy on the radio who is smarter than I am (I know he is smarter than I am because he is on the radio) was rattling off a list about the Good Ole USofA. One item in particular I took notice of was that the U.S. was 121st in the world in Mobile Telephone Saturation.

I said to myself, "Self, how can that be? Everyone in the country has a cell phone!"

Then it dawned on me. It's like those basketball players who say, "To win this game we're going to have to give 120% effort".

If we are going to move up this list toward our rightful place at Number 1, each of us needs to have multiple cell phones.

I am excited to say that I have personally witnessed 2 incidences which demonstrate the progress we are making toward Multiple Cell Phone Penetration...

  • I was down in Florida recently & a young lady walked by me who was talking on a cell phone she was holding to her left ear & had another cell phone in her right hand which she was using to send a text message.
  • Even more recently I was in a coffee shop & I took notice of 4 people at the adjoining table...
    >One was pecking at his cell phone.
    >Another was pecking at his cell phone & had another cell phone laying on the table in front of him.
    >Another was pecking at her cell phone & had 2 other cell phones laying in front of her on the table ready to spring into action.
    >The last person had no cell phone in evidence & was just sitting there drinking coffee while her cellmates ignored her.
    >As I watched, a man came up behind her & started talking softly into her ear. I eventually found out that he was a Psychiatrist & he was offering counseling sessions to help her to come to an understanding as to why she did not comprehend how important cell phones & constant communication were.

We have all seen that video from several years ago where a lady was walking through a mall & walked right into a fountain.

Yes, after this incidence was made public, she appeared on TV saying she was going to sue. I'm not sure if she was going to sue the Fountain, the people who put the fountain in Harm's Way &/or all the people across the Fruited Plain who had laughed at her.

The Internet has many fine examples of videos of people walking into things & being knocked off their feet. The saddest part is that, after they get up, they continue walking & texting &/or talking.

Would I kid u?



Sunday, May 17, 2015

Why Do I Need To Be Polite? I'm Too Busy Taking Your Money!

Have you noticed how impolite/uncaring the Money Takers in Gas Stations are? Probably not. You are so used to me noticing things for you that you have probably become lazy & just depend on me to do your noticing. I don't hold that against you. I'm glad I can help.

I have figured out why they are so impolite. It's that sign outside their stores that says something like...

"We Appreciate Your Business!"

It's a dual purpose sign. It makes you feel appreciated before you enter & it makes it unnecessary for the money taker to have to appreciate you. After all, it would be redundant for them to appreciate you twice.

If you have not noticed this sign, look for it at your next opportunity. It is a big sign. It is almost as big as the EBT Sign.

Would I kid u?



Lagniappe: That EBT Sign... That's another Blog Posting for another day.

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Teaching Is Hard Work. Being A Wise Guy Is Easy.

I always cringe when I hear someone say that famous Wise Guy Quote…

"Those who can, do; those who can't, teach"

I got to wondering how in the heck did such nonsense get started? So I looked it up & found the quote came from...

George Bernard Shaw's Man and Superman. Written in 1903.

The subtitle for this play is, "A Comedy and a Philosophy". I hope the quote that has me pecking out this posting is more of Mr. Shaw's Comedy than his Philosophy.

I also hope the ole boy is turning over in his grave as he looks up & sees the foolishness to which he gave license.

Those who quote him think they are being cute but they are really being ignorant.

I have stumbled across a replacement Teaching Quote...

Historian Henry Brooke Adams: “A teacher affects eternity; he can never tell where his influence stops.”

I like this one a lot better.

Would I kid u?



Lagniappe: George Bernard Shaw telegrammed Winston Churchill just prior to the opening of his play Major Barbara in 1905...


Monday, May 11, 2015

Can't We All Just Get Along?

Good news from my newspaper...

  • The Senate is suddenly showing Signs of Bipartisanship.
  • The No Child Left Behind Education Law was overhauled in an unanimous vote.
  • An Anti-Sex-Trafficking Bill was approved 99-0.

Bad news from my newspaper...

The recent spurt of comity could well be short-lived. The Senate, frozen last year by partisan jockeying ahead of the midterm elections, may have only a few months before presidential politics intervenes but for now lawmakers from both parties are bending and compromising on legislation.

"Such cooperation does carry some political risk for Democrats, who are helping to build a legislative track record for the GOP".

This is the kind of thinking that the Fella will never understand. It ought not be of any import that one side or the other gets credit for what is done, if what is done, is good for our country...

If it's the right thing to do, do the right thing.

Next time the Democrats are in control the Republicans should continue the process...

If it's the right thing to do, do the right thing.

Would I kid u?



Lagniappe: Yea, I have blogged about this before (a long time ago)...

Saturday, May 09, 2015

I May Be About To Insult The Heck Out Of You

I don't go out of my way to insult people. I only insult those that are deserving of being insulted. However, this is my attempt to make you see the error of your ways, if your ways have been in error.

My newspaper tells me that a well dressed tennis player needs to have a Berluti Shirt. The articles gave me selling points... Under "Knit Notes" I read where it has "A Thicker Open Weave That's Got Some Weight To It Yet Still Remains Quite Breezy".

For the price they charge, I think it would be only proper that a Berluti Shirt not have just "some weight" to it but it ought to weigh a ton. Also what's with "quite breezy"? After having to go into your savings account to buy this shirt, wearing it ought to be akin to standing inside an electric fan.

Here come the insult...

If you own a Berluti Shirt, you are not too smart!

Oh my gosh, I got ahead of myself. I did not tell you how much the Berluti Shirt costs. Actually I'm not going to tell you how much it costs. I will tell you that I recently bought a new tennis shirt for myself & I paid $14.90. If I had bought a Berluti Shirt, I would have had to pay $475.10 more than what I paid for my $14.90 shirt.

Oops. I'm having second thoughts. My new shirt did not improve my tennis game at all. Maybe I should have bought a Berluti Shirt. If I had, then I might not have missed that shot I missed last month.

Would I kid u?



Lagniappe: A vivid example of how not smart you are by buying a Berluti Shirt... If you had bought one of the shirts I bought, you could have used the difference saved to buy 47.51 copied of my little-read book & given them to forever grateful people you know. Think how popular you would be!

Monday, May 04, 2015

I Don't Understand Breasts Anymore

There was a time when I understood the need for female breasts. Ever since the invention of the Baby Nursing Bottle their need is questionable but I do remember their historical importance.

Where am I going with this Blog posting? I'm not sure but I encourage you to read on because, wherever it is, I'll get there &, as usual, you will find Thought Provoking Musings & a bit of Chuckle Humor.


I have been watching the NBA Basketball Playoffs. This is hard to do because my TV is determined to have me watch commercials instead. One of the commercials is about a new Sci-Fi Movie about a Super Robot. What's is different about this robot is it is a she.

In the past, there have always been what appeared to be male robots. Come to think of it, before now, I never gave the sex of the robots in Robot Movies a second thought.

In this movie the robot is definitely female because it/she has breasts. This raises the question, what would a female robot do with breast?

Carrying this Blog Posting’s Silliness to its “logical” conclusion…

  • The movie makers must certainly hang the robots in closets at the end of any movie making day.
  • They can't just leave them laying around the movie set because someone might steal them or they might defect to another movie company on their own.
  • If it's an outdoor shoot & it rains overnight, they will get rusty.
  • With the advent of female robots, are the robots going to start reproducing inside the closet overnight?
  • When the doors are opened in the morning, are there going to be little robots in there?
  • If the female robot is nursing when the door is opened, will she get embarrassed?
  • If she gets embarrassed, will her face turn red?
  • Will the Robots International Union require that the movie making people knock before opening closet the door in the morning?

Oh my gosh! A Robot’s Union! All of a sudden I've gotten past being confused by all of the above & now I am just plain worried!

Would I kid u?