Monday, April 07, 2014

No More Unidentified Bodies

There was a time when the Law Enforcement Authorities were constantly befuddled about dead bodies they found lying around the Good Ole USofA where they could not determine who the body used to be when the body was a live body. Those days are behind us.

No more need for Fingerprint Identification. Nor will we be forced to depend on DNA Identification. Now we have Tattoo Identification.

Here is an excerpt from my local newspaper to begin to prove my point...

Identification was made using tattoo descriptions provided by family.

No more will we see descriptions like these on the nightly news...

Police are asking the public’s help in identifying the body found in the wooded area behind Acme Widget Manufacturing. The poor thing was a female, 5 feet 7 inches tall, clad in a Palooka Football Jersey and clutching a small figuring of Yoda in her left hand.

For now on the police can expedite positive identification by broadcasting a description along these lines...

Police are asking the public’s help in identifying the body found in the wooded area behind Acme Widget Manufacturing. The poor thing had an eagle tattooed on her left arm above an Asian Letter that looked like an upside down mushroom. There are tattoos on her neck of red lips that looked like they came from a 5 foot 11 inch Brazilian left handed bus driver. Her right arm is emblazoned with a lizard with its tongue out of its mouth licking its left eyelid.

Anyone with information about the identity of this person should contact the police at 1-800-IKidYou.

See I told you we are making progress in fighting crime in the Good Ole USofA.

Would I kid u?

Smartfella

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