Monday, January 30, 2012

I Agree. The Rich Must Be Made To Pay...More!

Since the rich are rich and we now know they are also evil, they ought to be made to pay extra for everything they buy.

I am calling for all rich being made to wear an ankle bracelet which will identify them as rich. The bracelet will emit a magnet field around their person that will activate a Soak the Rich Computer Chip in every cash register and credit card swiping machine in the country. The chip will calculate into their bill a series of surcharges intended to whittle them down to a proper financial size.

For starters we could have...

  • +10% just for having too much money. (Definition of “too much” is subject to change.)
  • +5% for being evil.
  • +5% if they own a luxury car.
  • +5% for every vacation home they own.
  • -2% if they own a hybrid car.
  • -3% if they own an electric car. (They will also be given a list of government approved psychiatrics so they can have their heads examined. Being in Analysis is one of our most proven ways of shrinking banks accounts. It is almost as good as children’s braces.)

By no means am I implying that this is a complete list. I feel certain that a super committee of bureaucrats, concerned citizens, the unemployed and the folks back home can come up with an expanded list that would turn the majority of the Stinking Rich into the Once Stinking Rich in a manner of a few months.

If we used to be able to put a man on the moon, we can do this!

Would I kid u?